Home Login Contact
Sections

Galleries

Authors

Issues
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Brought To You On The First by Ray Printer Friendly

........................................................................................................................

Not much to say this time around—I’m actually typing these down as I listen to my Graphic Art History lectures. But because some of you tend to get a little rambunctious if I don’t have the FOTM Quotes up on the first, I figured I’d do a little multi-tasking so I could get them up as soon as possible. If I don’t get any leeway for being sick, I’m guessing that studying for finals probably won’t get me any slack, either.


“I seem to have surrounded myself with madness.”

.

“I would rape your mother for a piece of that cake.”

.

“It would be weird to be your friend.”

.

“Did you just say that you laughed a duck?”

“Yes. Yes, I did.”

.

“Bunch’a no Harry Potter readin’ motherfuckers.”

.

“I went to pee and looked at plays.”

.

“He already told me I could have his first born because I gave him a piece of steak.”

.

“Your love for bacon is…”

“Baconific!”

“No. That’s not a word.”

.

“Starbucks may be an ugly bitch, but at least she’ll take my cock.”

.

“I’m not going to Hell with you—I don’t care what you do to that retarded girl.”

.

“I drove by this place and there was a lot of shit in the yard. It made me think.”

.

“A flock of geese, is that a flock?”

“A gaggle, I think.”

“A flock of ducks, a gaggle of geese, a shitload of chickens. Those are the technical terms.”

.

“That’s the kind of shit I tell people you said.”

“That I pee with my hands near my pee-hole?”

“Yep.”

.

“Depression: that’s where the money is. Depression is not a good thing. But it sells.”

.

“Oh, that’s right! You live with a secret in your heart!”

.

“Don’t call me a labia lip.”

.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m wiping gin off my chin.”

.

“They laugh a lot, ducks do.”

“They enjoy life.”

.

“It’s never not gross when a grown man shits himself.”

.

“My polar bear sex came! Hooray!”

.

“I’m shit at saving small babies now.”

.

“They’re hip like a Buick.”

.

“For a second, I felt like every loser kid in every movie.”

.

“I can’t believe I lost your attention to a dangling labia.”

“I can’t believe you’re surprised by that.”

.

“I’m that guy…that guy who hasn’t had a haircut in three months and walks the dog all the time.”

.

“Well, I’ll buy a cockload of almost anything.”

.

“I bet he’s a computer virus in human form.”

.

“Plus, I heard all the important songs on the radio today.”

.

“Do you think that any of the Golden Girls are really women?”

“I don’t know, but I would do that one.”

“Blanche?”

“Yep.”

.

I only know what Hollywood tells me.”

.

“I’m thinkin’ about monkeys shovin’ dollar bills into stripper’s g-strings, that’s what I’m thinkin’ about.”

“I hope I dream about that tonight.”

.

“Do you have a point to this blasphemy?”

.

“I’m learning that I need to stay home.”

.

“What are you drinking?”

“Whiskey.”

“Do you realize there are these things called ‘sodas?’”

“Why?”

.

“I want to be part of a world where the impossible happens.”

.

“She sucks cock like a gentleman—lifted pinky finger and everything.”

.

“This is a cat wearing a fancy hat, smoking a cigarette.”

.

“Perhaps extreme self-absorption can closely resemble insanity.”

.

“Go to your happy place.”

“Is it okay if it involves handjobs?”

.

“‘Fuck you.’ That’s my new catchphrase.”

.

“Don’t laugh like a villain.”

“I have to.”

.

“Oh, rik, you ass.”

“I think that should be a quote.”

“Because it has your name?”

“Because it has ass.”

.

“She’d probably foam right out of the asshole.”

“I hate you for saying that just now.”

.

“You should write a kid’s book.”

“Are you insane?”

“Well, no bad words or butt-sex references.”

“You can’t limit my creativity like that.”

.

“When you ruin Blood Rayne’s ass, it’s all over, you’re the worst director in the world.”

.

“Off the ass and onto the labia.”

.

“How many quotes about ass are you going to have this time?”

“Apparently one more.”

.

“I like it when I say shit that won’t even make it onto The Strangelands.

.

“I don’t like the quotes anymore. They highlight the holes in my soul.”


So there you go. A little trivia: There are 6 ass/butt references; 3 labia references; 3 duck references; 3 cock references, 1 bacon reference. Counted by me with love in my heart, so that you don’t have to count them with disgust in yours.

You’re welcome.


posted 5/01/08


Comments:
Entered By CM From Unknown
2008-05-01 22:13:56

...and yet still no mention of itchy vaginas


Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-05-02 02:23:21

Um...was there SUPPOSED to be?


Entered By rik From Unknown
2008-05-02 12:30:34

It does seem like something that should be on this site.


Entered By Diane From NH
2008-05-03 00:38:50

NO NO NO NO NO! Spend more than half an hour watching the cable ABC "Family Channel" and you will see MORE than your share of commercials for itchy crotch, period protection (what? we should be afraid?) and viagra. All set, thanks.


Entered By Anonymous From Unknown
2008-05-04 03:13:19

I don't think you've ever really written under the influence of anything really. Too fucking articulate. Really. Who does that.


Entered By Jesse From Austin
2008-05-04 19:24:18

Your mom gets pretty articulate.


Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-05-05 01:22:31

I'm confused about who's adding on to the quotes, who's responding to the quotes, and who's responding to other comments. So very confused.


Entered By rik From Unknown
2008-05-06 17:12:39

It's like the comment section has become a breeding ground for its own quotes. However, Ray, if they are talking about you not writing under the influence of anything, I would have to strongly disagree. I would have to question whether or not Ray has ever NOT written under the influence of something.


Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-05-07 03:29:16

Here's how I get my best writing done: You find a Smurf and kill it. Violently. Chop it up into thin strips and let it dry out completely. Then crush it up using a pestle and mortar. Snort it. Start writing, and in a moment you'll be all Smurfed up. How's THAT for under the influence, rik?


Entered By rik From Unknown
2008-05-08 17:05:39

You're a soul murderer.


Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-05-09 02:38:13

Sure, but let's be honest: in most cases, it's more assisted suicide rather than flat-out murder.



Add Comment:
Name: Location: