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Tired, But Not Tired Enough by Ray Printer Friendly

Sorry, kidsóanother day down, and I still havenít finished any stories. Iím trying, I really am. Real life has been harshly intrusive lately, and if Iím not doing something serious, Iím worrying about doing something serious. Read: Iím looking for a job, doing school work, and fumbling with writing a rťsumť. Iíve got tests this week, which means I donít know how much Iíll be around.

Fortunately, Photoshop counts as school work these days, so while Iím practicing, I might make something I can show you.

Anyway, the other day I posted an email conversation I had with rik. Iím not going to link to it because Iím rather ashamed of it, but my shame wonít keep me from posting even more like it. See, I was getting pretty out of line and she foolishly tried to divert my attention with another email subject. She recently sent me a desk calendar, and I recently sent her a couple of books.

Iím not entirely sure why we did this, as we donít usually send each other gifts (not to say we donít sometimes buy each other giftsóI have her Christmas present from 2001 and her birthday present from 2006 sitting behind me on a shelf as I type this; she has a certain ashtray in her possession that she got for me back when I still smoked. I quit in July of 2005.

Point being, she tried to email about that, instead, hoping I would straighten up. Did it work? You decide:

rik wrote: OK, so your desk calendar is on its way. It should be there around Tuesday, according to the order confirmation thingy.

Ray wrote: Crazy. Thanks, man. Yours won't get mailed until Monday--the post office I use closes at 1 on Saturday.

rik wrote: well, I didn't use the post office, because I really am incredibly lazy. I didn't even leave my house--I just went through Staples.com.

Oh, and I just got you a plain one. I was going to get you an orchid or a rose one or a green or a blue, but they all kind of looked like they were either for girls or business men.

Ray wrote: Good thinking. And what the hell?! I'm a businessman!

rik wrote: But you're not a marbley blue or green business man. You're more of the pink vagina candley kind of business man. They were out of those.

Ray wrote: "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a businessman."

"Oh, yeah? What kind?"

"A vagina businessman."

"Ummm...what does that mean?"

"Means I take care of vagina business."

rik wrote: Make those business cards. I'm serious.

Ray wrote: For you or for me? Or should we just start a company? VagCom.

rik wrote: VagCom

For all your vaginal needs.

Now offering sperm aid and scented candles.

Ray wrote: VagCom: "The future is wide open!"

rik wrote: good grief

Ray wrote: "Good grief?" No that's more a slogan for NEVR-A-LōN, a company that makes sex toys for the recently widowed.

rik wrote: You're making my brain hurt

Ray wrote: I think you typed "hurt" instead of "happy." Common mistake.

I didnít make it for VagCom because I felt that something like that deserves my utmost attention. Iím red-eyed and exhausted at the moment, and entirely too sober. Of course, that didnít keep me from fulfilling my obligation:

Grab a flashlight and some goggles, rik, and get to itóyouíve got a lot of ferret commenting to make up for.

posted 3/18/08

Entered By Karen From Indiana
2008-03-21 16:24:45

So if you're a Vagina Businessman and you're sitting in the hotel bar and someone asks you if you're there on business or pleasure...

Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-03-21 16:53:41

"My business, your pleasure, baby." Unless it's a dude, then it's like, "Please step away, sir--I have work to do."

Entered By rik From Unknown
2008-03-24 17:05:51

I hate my life.

Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-03-25 02:52:57


Entered By rik From Unknown
2008-03-25 03:38:47

I'm firing myself now on the grounds of I will never be preforming any inspector duties. And I'm pretty sure there's a case somewhere in all this mess for sexual harassment.

Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-03-25 06:04:59

Yeah, you're totally sexually harassing me. Either you keep working on vagina business or I take you to court.

Entered By Karen From Indiana
2008-03-25 15:10:38

In the Vagina Business, it's not just the cervical mucus that's hostile.

Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-03-28 03:07:28

You seem to know an awful lot about Vagina Business, Karen. You lookin' for a job?

Entered By Karen From Indiana
2008-03-28 23:41:32

More like looking for a businessman. But not one with business cards with "stuff" splattered all over the card. That's just disturbing.

Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-03-29 00:38:59

Are you looking for a regular businessman, or a vagina businessman? Because according to the courts, there's a rather large difference. Oh, and if you think it's disturbing that the "stuff" is on the card, you'd probably be really upset to find out how I made it black.

Entered By Karen From Indiana
2008-03-29 15:36:37

Well... I'd better not go there - what I need. Next thing I know you'll be Photoshopping a vagina businessman showing off his donkey punching abilities and suggesting that'd be just the thing for me. Hey how's that desk calendar? (I know. Didn't work for rik, but it's worth a try.)

Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-03-31 20:45:39

Yeah, you're probably right. I bet it's MUCH better if I just use my imagination to Photoshop what you need.

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