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New Year, Same Old Addictions by Ray Printer Friendly

Well, it seems as though we’ve ushered in a new year. Someone has done something like ushered in, apparently—it’s all over the news. Me, I haven’t ushered in anything—that’s really not my kind of thing. Instead, I’ve been sitting around, reading all the books (comic and otherwise) that I got for Christmas.

Nonetheless, the new year has arrived. You can tell because people keep saying things like, “Happy New Year,” even though they can plainly see that I’m at work, which automatically negates every positive emotion I might think about having—including happy-new-years-iness.

I didn’t make any resolutions this year, mostly because I never do. I feel like I should be able to change whenever I want, and I also feel like I don’t want to change. Don’t get me wrong—I’m overweight, I eat too much, I smoke too much, I drink too much. I’ve taken cursing to an almost artistic level, I do it so much. And my feet hurt. These are things that I would love to change in my life, but do you understand how much work that would take? No, sir, not for me. My goal for this year is to have a heart attack and then sue the people that make Snickers candy bars. I’ll claim that it’s their fault that I’m such a gluttonous moron that I keep stuffing my face with their tasty goodness even though the chest pains make it hard to lift the candy to my face. New year, new dreams, right?

I just saw a commercial on TV about some new reality series called “The Will.” Yeah, happy new year to you too, and thanks for showing me how far humanity will sink when left to its own devices.

So, yeah, The Strangelands is still around, pumping out the super-genius kind of thing that we’re always pumping out. It’ll be interesting to see what kind of awesome things we come up with now that it’s 2005. I mean, I think it’s obvious that we just keep getting cooler as time goes by.

So stick around, gang.


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