You know how I’m always whining about not being tough enough? I was looking through my old footlocker this afternoon and came across this:
In case you don’t feel like straining your eyes on the picture above, and also because when my dad got it copied, they cropped it all weird, I’ve typed the story out for you.
While older hunters have sought in vain for a black bear that has been seen several times on the E.B. Dan[this part got cut off, so I don’t know what the whole word was] estate, two boys, Ira and Leslie Weeks, 15 and 17 years old, sons of Ira Weeks captured the animal yesterday.
The boys were bird hunting near their home when a little chow dog was heard barking. Upon investigation the boys found that the bear had run up a tree. They had only three shells of No. 7 shot. Nevertheless they both fired at the same time and blinded the animal and severely wounded him otherwise, but he gave battle to the dog.
Meanwhile Ira started to get a rifle to finish the job but Leslie took his shot gun apart and killed the animal with the barrel of the gun.
The boys are feeling pretty tickled and are receiving many compliments on their courage.
The bear weighed about 175 pounds.
My grandpa is Leslie. The one who was like, “Nah, screw going to get another rifle. I think I can beat this bear to death.” And then did it.
I’m not promoting the killing of animals in order to feel better about yourself, but let’s just say, hypothetically, that you took a shotgun apart and beat a bear to death with it. You could be talking to the founder of PETA, and you’d be oozing so much testosterone that she’d want to bone you.
“You killed an innocent animal?”
“My brother wanted to go get a gun, but I just started wailing on the bastard.”
“Horrible! You must have worked up quite…a…sweat.”
“Yeah, it was some pretty serious work.”
“Swinging that gun with your biceps bulging, your savagery making you seem more like a beast than a man.”
“Take me! Take me now!”
“Okay, but watch out—my balls are made of steel and are the size of watermelons. Did I mention I beat a bear to death?”