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Another Bear Story by Ray Printer Friendly

You know how I’m always whining about not being tough enough? I was looking through my old footlocker this afternoon and came across this:



In case you don’t feel like straining your eyes on the picture above, and also because when my dad got it copied, they cropped it all weird, I’ve typed the story out for you.


While older hunters have sought in vain for a black bear that has been seen several times on the E.B. Dan[this part got cut off, so I don’t know what the whole word was] estate, two boys, Ira and Leslie Weeks, 15 and 17 years old, sons of Ira Weeks captured the animal yesterday.

The boys were bird hunting near their home when a little chow dog was heard barking. Upon investigation the boys found that the bear had run up a tree. They had only three shells of No. 7 shot. Nevertheless they both fired at the same time and blinded the animal and severely wounded him otherwise, but he gave battle to the dog.

Meanwhile Ira started to get a rifle to finish the job but Leslie took his shot gun apart and killed the animal with the barrel of the gun.

The boys are feeling pretty tickled and are receiving many compliments on their courage.

The bear weighed about 175 pounds.


My grandpa is Leslie. The one who was like, “Nah, screw going to get another rifle. I think I can beat this bear to death.” And then did it.

I’m not promoting the killing of animals in order to feel better about yourself, but let’s just say, hypothetically, that you took a shotgun apart and beat a bear to death with it. You could be talking to the founder of PETA, and you’d be oozing so much testosterone that she’d want to bone you.

“You killed an innocent animal?”

“Yep.”

“That’s ghastly!”

“My brother wanted to go get a gun, but I just started wailing on the bastard.”

“Horrible! You must have worked up quite…a…sweat.”

“Yeah, it was some pretty serious work.”

“Swinging that gun with your biceps bulging, your savagery making you seem more like a beast than a man.”

“Sure, whatever.”

“Take me! Take me now!”

“Okay, but watch out—my balls are made of steel and are the size of watermelons. Did I mention I beat a bear to death?”


posted 3/08/08


Comments:
Entered By Karen From Indiana
2008-03-08 16:39:04

That's a great story. Your grandpa is cool. Now when you whine about not being tough enough, we can point out how too bad that is, 'cause your grandpa sure has balls of steel.


Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-03-09 04:45:14

Yeah, I tried to prove my toughness by killing an animal, but apparently, you have to be very careful about which animal you select. A bear, they call you a hero. A puppy, they call you a monster. Go figure.


Entered By rik From Unknown
2008-03-11 03:41:12

What do they call you if it's your brother's ferret?


Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-03-11 03:53:18

Usually something like rik-you're-next. It's a Native American word that, when translated, means, "rik, if you mention my brother's ferret one more time, I will rip your head off, put it on the end of my erect penis, and walk around at parties making it tell jokes."


Entered By rik From Unknown
2008-03-11 04:00:14

Oh. I was just wondering...


Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-03-11 04:34:07

That's what I'm here for, is to inform.


Entered By Diane From NH
2008-03-11 21:17:12

I have that story framed and featured prominently in my hallway of family pictures! Don't you read that and think "WOW - somewhere in my genetics I have that, that... that whatever it is. The something that, when faced with a pissed off bear, instead of pee-peeing your trousers, you go all Babe Ruth on the furry bastard! Yeah, that's right, don't MESS with ME, I could knock out a BEAR with the barrel of a shotgun, man. I'm a WEEKS!!! ...and for the record I'm pretty sure Grampa Weeks would be thoroughly horrified at the whole ferret thing. I'm just sayin'...


Entered By rik From Unknown
2008-03-12 02:02:27

I think we were all pretty horrified at the whole ferret thing. Maybe some of us more than others...


Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-03-12 03:26:49

Dammit, rik. If I end up having to write an entire post explaining things so that people know I'm not a ferret murder, you can be damn sure that I will find ways to write several more posts that involve your personal humiliation.


Entered By Lauren From NH
2008-03-12 11:52:48

Please write a story about the ferret. I absolutely HAVE to know why someone would murder a ferret.


Entered By rik From Unknown
2008-03-12 12:54:13

I think we both know that most of my personal humiliation is a matter of public record in two counties. And besides, you didn't kill my pet so I hold no judgment my friend.


Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-03-12 17:41:04

I didn't kill your pet YET. You never know what the future holds, especially at the rate you're going.


Entered By Karen From Indiana
2008-03-13 02:37:08

What was the ferret's name?


Entered By Karen From Indiana
2008-03-13 02:41:19

Nevermind. I didn't see the story about Skippy until after I'd posted my question. I'm going to go read about Skippy now. I'm supposed to be reading homework, but this is more entertaining. Sadly, The Strangelands is my diversion. I know.



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