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Another Reason To Hate Algebra by Ray Printer Friendly

So Iím supposed to be doing school work today. Technically, I was supposed to do it yesterday, but the allergen-laden air had me feeling like hammered shit yesterday, so I put it off until today. I donít have a strict schedule, as the lionís share of my classes are online, but Iím already getting a little behind, and I decided that it was time to show some self-discipline and get my nose to the grindstone or whatever.

Most of the lectures are recorded, so I can listen to them while I do things like clean the kitchen or fold clothes or draw naked women on my legal pad. I logged on to the old internet, signed in to my courses list, and began my art lesson. Quick aside: graphic art is completely misleading. Instead of seeing pictures of a bunch of people doiní it or all kinds of bloody violence, they show you things like words. Apparently, the word ďgraphicĒ changes meanings, depending on what it precedes. Graphic movie scenes? Hooray! Graphic art? Letters!

About ten minutes in, the video player stopped. I waited, as this is actually to be expected when dealing with the school website. I waited some more. After a few moments, it was obvious that nothing was going to happen. I decided to sign in to a web design lecture. Nothing happened. Shit. Listening to the lectures is kind of fun, because I can just lay there on the floor. The only thing left was Algebra, where I have to sit at my desk and work complex problems that have absolutely nothing to do with my everyday life.

I think we all know how I feel about Algebra.

As if having to take this piece of ass subject isnít bad enough, I also had to install some crazy software in order to take it this semester. I hate installing shit onto my computer. See, I use my computer for three things: writing, listening to music, and looking at stuff on the internet. It doesnít take much in the way of hardware to do these things.

Lately, I have come to realize that my system isnít exactly up to the standards of cutting edge technology. For example, I recently had to install Adobe Photoshop for a couple of my classes. The software told me no. It gave me subtle hints, at first, such as freezing my computer mid-install, or just flat-out shutting everything down. Eventually, it got sick of my ignorant persistence, however, and gave me a dialogue box telling me that I simply didnít have enough memory for this software.

The funny thing is, I had just bought and installed a new hard drive specifically for the purpose of running this monstrous bit of software. What I hadnít counted on was not having enough RAM. Which means that I had to order moreóexpensive shit because I need the outdated stuffóand am now falling even further behind in my school work. So, damn.

The point Iím trying to make is, I hate having my computer clogged up with stuff that isnít streamlined to allow me to: 1) see perverted things online, 2) write stories with terrible endings, 3) listen to music with filthy lyrics.

The Algebra software I had to install is not only bulky, glitchy, and slow, but it also forces me to use Internet Explorer in order to log onto my sessions. Some of you may not know this, but Internet Explorer is the most virus-prone web browser ever created by man or machine. Okay, maybe Iím exaggerating, but still.

For years, Trey told me that I needed to switch browsers, and for years, I resisted (he uses Opera, which Iím opposed to only because I always seem to spell it Oprah, and that pisses me off to no end). I resisted mostly because I thought I was too dumb to figure out something new. In the end, I switched simply because every time I opened IE, my anti-virus software would start freaking out so bad that either I would have to shut down everything and restart, or I would have to wait several minutes to accomplish even the simplest of operations. The final straw was when my word processing program started freezing up every time I logged onto the internet.

I switched over to Firefox, and the problems stopped almost immediately. I try not to get all preachy about it, because die-hard Firefox fans are only slightly less annoying than die-hard Mac fans. I donít know about you, but nobody has ever won me over by lecturing me condescendingly.

I have nothing against Apple computersóit just seems like the majority of people who use them are smug cockheads. And although Iím a huge fan of Firefox, Iíve noticed that a lot of users sail in that same boat. Iíve never wanted to be one of those people.

That said, Iím going to risk crossing the line between impressed user to smug cockhead right now. As I mentioned, Iíve had to use IE to log onto my Algebra session. I first installed the software on Tuesday. I logged on that morning, worked a couple of lessons, and logged off. My anti-virus was going apeshit the entire time.

Every ten minutes, the little dialogue box pops up alerting me that something has just tried to infect my system. Iím not saying I put the blame exclusively on Internet Explorer, but I do find it odd that over the past two years, Iíve had virus troubles once, and that was quickly resolved by performing a quick system scan.

I use IE for one afternoon, and my shitís been tweaking ever since.

In conclusion, fuck Internet Explorer, and fuck Algebra. Do yourself a huge favor and download and install Firefox. After youíve done that, go find someone who likes Algebra and kick them repeatedly in the kidney. Trust me, youíll be making your life a better life, and the world a better place.

Oh, yeah, if youíre wondering why Iíve had so much time to write this mundane rant, itís because the school website is still down, and I can't even do lousy Algebra. Whoo-hoo for me! One more day of procrastination!

posted 2/02/08

Entered By Dave Riley From Unknown
2008-02-03 02:07:59

I use a Mac and make no apologies to anyone. At the same time, I acknowledge that most Mac users are low-rent hipster asswipes who suck dead hobo balls.

Entered By Karen From Indiana
2008-02-03 17:17:54

I love Firefox (and yeah, I don\'t get the Opera thing. I tried, but it just didn\'t do anything for me).

Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-02-03 20:55:44

Dave Riley, you are one of the cool Mac users. The fact that I am just now discovering that you have use a Mac is testament to that. Rule of thumb about annoying-ass Mac users: you know they use a Mac before you know their last name.

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