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Class Act by Ray Printer Friendly

I donít like people. I think we all know this. Sure, there are a select few that Iíll suffer because theyíre awesome, but aside from that, Iíd really rather be alone. I thought I was doing good the first day of class.

Itís a computer lab, so I looked around where everyone was sitting, and then took the computer as far away from them as possible. This just happened to work out so that I was right by the teacherówhich is fine, because not only am I sitting away from everyone, it also allows me quick access if I have a question. Also, it looks like Iím a kiss-ass, which doesnít really hurt.

Because itís a computer lab, weíre stuck at these seats all semester. For me, this was outstanding, because it meant that Iíd be sitting away from everyone for the entire class. The closest person was the fat guy down the table, but he had managed to get a chair close to the French chick, which meant that he wasnít even turning in my direction.

After listening to his shitty jokes from down the table, I decided that it would be for the best if he never addressed me personally. All was well.

Until, of course, we started working on our computers. ďMy keyboard isnít working! My keyboard isnít working!Ē

ďMove to a different workstation,Ē the teacher said. The fat guy grabbed his jacket and moved down the tableódirectly beside me.

Now, the first thing I should mention is that my allergies have been kicking my ass lately. I havenít been writing about it much this year because I bitched about it so much last year, and it wasnít all that exciting. But, yeah, my headís been incredibly stopped up, I havenít been sleeping, blah, blah, freakiní blah. The reason I mention this is because I havenít really been able to smell for the last month or so.

Sometimes, right after I blow my nose, Iíll be able to smell the things around me, as well as what Iíve been eating recently. For a while, I was having all kinds of fun mixing and matching foods, blowing my nose, and discovering a plethora of smells that should never be intermingled. For example: sour Starburst, red hots, grilled cheese sandwich, chocolate milk. You blow your nose, you donít know whether itís the greatest taste ever, or if you just vomited.

Point being, rarely can I smell anything these days. I immediately smelled the fat guy. I donít know if itís because he was wearing a wet leather jacket or if itís because he was wearing canvas shoes with no socks (also wet). Being somewhat of a fat guy myself, I immediately wondered if it was me that smelled bad. But as a conscientious fat guy, I rarely stink. I brush my teeth, I chew gum, I bathe often, and I wear deodorant and cologne. I go out of my way not to be a smelly fat guy, is what Iím saying.

The smelly fat guy, he takes none of these precautions apparently.

Long story short, Iím now stuck beside this guy for the rest of the semester. As if smelling bad wasnít enough, he also talks constantly, mumbling about how none of this makes sense. Also, he makes bad jokes, often while Iím trying to listen to the instructor. Also he asks me questions pretty much non-stop. Whatís bizarre, though, is this guyís attitude.

Heíll ask me a question, right? And because Iím a helluva a guy, Iíll answer him. And then, what he does is, heíll argue with me. But while heís arguing with me, heís doing what I said.

ďHey, whatíre we supposed to do with that exercise?Ē

ďJust make a new folder, then save the file in thereóweíre supposed to send it to him once weíre finished.Ē

ďNah, I donít think thatís what weíre supposed to do. Iím pretty sure we donít have to send it to him or anything.Ē Meanwhile, heís making a new folder, saving the file in there, and sending it.

1) If you already have an answer, donít ask me.

2) If you donít think Iím right, then why the hell are you doing exactly what I said to do?

3) Shut the fuck up. Seriously.

I can already tell that Iím going to have to tell him these things, probably repeatedly. Iíve already had to go over #1 with him. Iím giving it until the end of next week before we make it to #3. Honestly, Iím kind of looking forward to it.

I think Iíve figured him out. He has to act like he knows everything. When he doesnít, which is quite often, heís forced to ask. But because he still has to act like he knows everything, he has to argue with the answer, even though he knows itís correct.

Itís hard for me to understand this kind of behavior, probably because I have different character traits. Such as: bitterness, short temper, shut the fuck up know-it-all fat boy. I will cover you in barbecue sauce and watch as the urge to consume yourself battles your survival instinct until youíre driven insane.

So, yeah. School.

posted 1/25/08

Entered By Laure From NH
2008-01-25 12:57:05

That's pretty much my take on the majority of the people I come in contact with. "Just shut the fuck up Fatass!"

Entered By rik From Unknown
2008-01-25 17:42:17

aww...ray found a new friend!

Entered By Diane From NH
2008-01-25 22:06:01

YES! There's just not enough opportunities to say "shut the fuck up know-it-all fatboy" in this life. If I were you, I'd be reveling in the anticipation of TELLING the lardass to shut the fuck up.

Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-01-27 02:45:57

Man, you New Hampshire chicks really hate the fat people, eh?

Entered By Diane From NH
2008-01-28 17:33:06

check out my comments on the "Fucket List" page and you'll see that I also hate overly SKINNY people too. I'm an euqal opportunity hater.

Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-01-28 18:59:05

Which is why you're my kind of people.

Entered By Anonymous From YellowTown
2008-01-29 19:49:47

Each time the lard ass asks a question say, "I have no fucking donut for you, so shut the fuck up." Lets hope he gets the hint.

Entered By Ray From Austin
2008-02-01 02:34:42

I'm gonna start saying that whenever anyone asks me a question: "I have no fucking donut for you, so shut the fuck up!"

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