Home Login Contact
Sections

Galleries

Authors

Issues
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Time For A New Calendar by Ray Printer Friendly

I didn’t realize until just now that I have to get a new desk calendar. In years past, this was something I did when I finally got around to it. There was no hurry, and it was usually February or March before I remembered. But that was before First-Of-The-Month Quotes. Because my desk calendar is where I write down most of the wacky things that people say to me, and that eventually wind up here, it has become essential for me to have one.

So one more chore. Just what I needed. This also means that I have to put on pants—something that I had hoped to avoid until at least a week into the new year. I hope you appreciate the hardships I suffer in order to bring you quality entertainment.

Whining aside, I guess I should try to justify the paltry offerings this month. I’m not sure if it’s because all of my miscreant friends were busy getting their holiday plans in order, or if they just didn’t say as much twisted stuff as usual because of the holidays, but whatever the reason, there aren’t many quotes this month. Don’t worry, though—I’m sure they’ll be up to form by February. In the meantime, feel free to add your own in the comments section.



“Crazy people love me like retarded people love you.”

.

“If you’re talking about living with someone for the next fifty years, funny and interesting always beat out stable.”

.

“This is what we should record—witty banter, instead of drunken groaning.”

.

“There’s just something funny about it. Say it: ham. It’s hilarious…unless you have your dick in it. Then it’s just gross.”

.

“He’s still really fuckin’ creepy, and it works out for him.”

.

“Looking at you, I’d never think you were a sexual deviant.”

“Really? That’s weird.”

.

“Who pays the Lord in cereal?”

.

“Your perfect relationship consists of this many people: zero, including you.”

.

“I wish someone could take my picture right now, just sitting here in front of my computer, scratching my balls, with a huge pile of trash behind me.”

.

“She might yell ‘fuck me, fuck me,’ while you’re doin’ her, but she doesn’t mean it.”

.

“I’d be very disappointed if I ended up in Hell.”

.

“He told me to touch my toes, and I said no. I can’t reach ‘em to wash ‘em, I sure don’t want to be touching them.”

.

“I lost fifty bucks just the other day because you’re still alive.”


posted 1/01/08


Comments:


Add Comment:
Name: Location: