If you’ve ever been looking at something of mine on this site, and suddenly found yourself thinking something along the lines of What the hell is going on in that guy’s head? rest assured that you aren’t alone. In fact, half the time, I don’t even know. I’ll be going along, doing something, and I suddenly realize that I have absolutely no idea why.
Case in point—I recently posted a picture in the comments section of this article. What happened was, my sister misread my statement that Michael Bay’s Transformers “sucked dead hobo balls.” She thought it read “bobo balls,” and she imagined that I meant a clown. Hobo = bobo = clown (I think she had Bozo in there somewhere, but everyone knows that anything named “Bobo” would have to be a clown, too, so I left that out of the equation). I really liked the idea of something “sucking dead Bobo balls,” and the image in my head made me laugh so hard that I decided to do a quick sketch of it.
As you can see, I’m no artist, and I don’t pretend to be. My original intention was to quick sketch out a cartoon of a guy who just finished sucking dead Bobo balls, and I was going to throw it up in the comments. It took me about a minute and a half to draw this:
The thing is, it didn’t show up very well in my bootleg photo editing software, so I decided to do something to make it show up better. I started out painting over the entire thing, but that was taking too long, and because I didn’t want to waste any more time on such a shitty picture (and because I’m really lazy), I just used the “negative” effect and then colored in the dead clown a little to make him stand out. This is the picture I posted in the comments section:
What happened next was the part where I lost a little control, only realizing later, when I suddenly found myself asking, “What the hell am I doing? What the hell is wrong with me?” Because I ended up going back in, for no reason at all, and painting the rest of the picture that I had started. And I ended up with this:
I emailed it to rik, as kind of a peace offering—she was in a name-callin’ mood after my remark that she was the first person I thought of upon hearing the phrase “suck dead Bobo balls.” She’s kind of sensitive like that. She found the picture humorous and told me that I should post it on The Strangelands as well. She also said something like, “You know, that guy in front kind of looks like you.” I’m guessing it’s because of the hat. I don’t really have any memorable physical features, but it’s seldom that I’m seen without an orange hat.
People sometimes make the mistake of thinking that it’s supposed to show some school spirit or whatever for the University of Texas. This is absolutely not the case. The school colors are burnt orange, first of all, which is much more repulsive than the bright orange of my cap. Second of all, I think it’s ridiculous to show school spirit for a school I don’t attend. I live in Austin, so there are idiots running around all over the place with the battle cry of “Hook ‘em horns!” You look at these people, you realize that they never made it through grade school, much less any sort of higher education. They say stupid shit like, “I bleed burnt orange.” My general response to this moronic statement is, “Oh, yeah? Let’s see.”
My point being, I was wearing my orange hat long before I moved to a city full of deranged lunatics running around wearing hats of an uglier shade.
So, yeah, the guy doesn’t really look like me, but he’s sort of reminiscent because of the hat. The next logical step, of course, is to give him a beard, because I generally have one of those, too.
“Except for the eyes,” rik told me. He’s really starting to look like you except for the eyes.” The reason his eyes look like they do is because he began as a twenty-second part of a lousy sketch, and I didn’t really intend him to look like anyone. But what the hell, right? I’m obsessed to the point of worry by now, so I decide to give him some shades:
Oh, and if you need a comparison shot:
You might be wondering why I decided to make an entire post out of this one goofy drawing. Believe it or not, I actually do have a reason. You can never have enough pictures of dead clowns that just finished getting blown, for one thing. For another thing, I told rik I would. She was talking to me on the phone while I worked my photo manipulation magic, and she was drinking. Turns out, I’m highly suggestible even if I’m not the one drinking the alcohol.
Oh, and one last picture before I go. I was trying to do the mirrored sunglasses, and it went horribly wrong.
I can’t decide if the guy looks more like a generic version of Robin the teenage sidekick, or the Hamburgler. There’s something disturbingly feasible about the idea of the Hamburgler growing up and being knowledgeable about sucking off a dead clown isn’t there?
Anyway, I suppose we’ve met our clown fellatio quota for the night, so I’m outta here.