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First-Of-The-Month-Quotes: Extra Reading by Ray Printer Friendly

After you read through this month's quotes, you might realize something not very funny. That would be my list of things. Every month, I scribble down onto my desk calendar not only the strange or funny things I hear, but also the things people tell me to read, watch, etc. Which poses a problem, because then I tear the sheet off at the end of the month, and I have no idea what was recommended to me. So this month, I’m adding it here, just before the quotes. That way, not only do I not lose it, but you can also see what I may or may not be reading/watching soon, and give it a whirl yourself.

Sam Spade—Dashiell Hammett

The Sun Also Rises—Hemmingway

A New York Movie

Girl With A Pearl Earring (movie)

Edward Hopper

Northern Lights—Philip Pullman

All right, on to the quotes.



“A blind girl just put a turtle in my hair.”

.

“You know—when you can’t decide if you’re the punch line or the joke.”

.

“I’m no doctor, but I don’t know what that is.”

.

“I don’t like when people shit on me.”

.

“It was more like…fat ladies wailing.”

.

“I have a feeling I’m fixing to fall.”

.

“You took off, I’m just standing there pissing at the drive-thru at Wienerschnitzel.”

.

“I saw him, and the first thing he did was slosh beer all over me.”

.

“Great…now I’m paralyzed, and I’m a porn star in Czechoslovakia.”

.

“Does it say something about the day when the best thing that happens is you open the bathroom stall and don’t find an aborted fetus in the toilet?”

.

“There’s really no reason to cry after you learn how to say the word ‘fuck.’”

.

“To put this all into context…I can’t.”

.

“I don’t know what the moral of the story is, but holy fuck.”

.

“I’d throw up on her vagina any night. How about that for a t-shirt? ‘I’d throw up on your vagina.’”

.

“He looked like a fuckin’ Hobbit, banging his mug on stuff.”

.

“I just got out of class with people that do that.”

“That kill in their sleep?”

.

“That woman’s idea of exercise is eating a banana. She lives off candy and cigarettes.”

.

“I farted while I was pouring my whiskey, so now everything smells like fart and whiskey.”

“That’s foreshadowing, my friend. Enjoy your tomorrow.”

.

“Your sciatic nerve sucks everybody else’s dick.”

.

(Heard in class while the instructor was lecturing) “It’s been a long time since I wanted to shoot myself in the face this bad.”

.

“That’s like Jack the Ripper saying you’re too rough. When Jack the Ripper says you don’t know how to treat a lady, that’s when you know you’re screwed.”

.

“He goes, ‘Man, I’m so tired of running after your car at the Wienerschnitzel drive-thru with my dick hangin’ out.’”

.

“We do bad things, but we aren’t a force of evil.”

.

“Man, most of Hemmingway’s shit is all about a guy who can’t fuck the chick he wanted.”

.

“There’s a part of me that’s like, ‘Man, you just ruined your life.’ But them I’m like, ‘Eh, it wasn’t that great to begin with.’”

.

“I was shittin’ fire and my nose was running nonstop.”

.

“I went to McDonalds for breakfast, just in case I threw up all over myself. If I’m going to be tasting it twice, it might as well be something I enjoy.”

.

“Man, what the hell is wrong with us?”

“I don’t know, but don’t write any of this down.”


posted11/01/07


Comments:
Entered By Jesse From Austin
2007-11-02 02:12:31

Where do I sign to start an organization with the slogan "We do bad things, but we aren't a force of evil"?


Entered By Thomas From Cali
2007-11-17 16:09:02

“There’s really no reason to cry after you learn how to say the word ‘fuck.’” - a nugget of wisdom to be sure.



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