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I'm On Drugs! by Ray Printer Friendly

I woke up this morning because of a pain in my leg. It felt like the beginnings of a cramp, so I stood up quickly, hoping that I could work it out before it got too intense. That didnt work at all.

Instead of causing the pain to dissipate, it caused it to get significantly worse. I limped into the bathroom and braced myself against the wall while I peed. The day went downhill pretty quickly after that.

By seven oclock this morning, I was curled up on the floor, wondering why my body was trying to kill itself. By eight, I was in a bathtub full of scalding hot water, hoping it would help work out whatever was wrongI was still thinking pulled muscle. By nine, my princess was back home, scheduling a doctor appointment for me. The appointment was at 9:40. By eleven, I was munching down muscle relaxants and prescription pain killers.

The vicodin started kicking in around noon, and I thought I was going to be a-ok for the rest of the day. Because Im a sucker.

About an hour later, the pain came back with a vengeance, and the only way I was able to tolerate it was by sitting straight up in my office chair (I tried the couch, but apparently, its too low to the ground, and bending my leg from that height is torture).

The bad news for you is, you have to listen to me bitch and whine about how much it hurts. The good news is, Im forced to dope myself up on pain killers and muscle relaxants, and then stay sitting at my desk. And since Im sitting here anyway, maybe Ill get some writing done.

Hooray!

Looks like I might have to stay home for a couple more days, anywaythe doctor said if it got worse, You know, like if your leg starts dragging behind you when you walk, or if you start peeing your pants, I should go to the emergency room. I kind of hoped she was joking about the pants peeing thing, but apparently thats a feasible option when you mess up your sciatic nerve.

Oh, did I mention its my sciatic nerve? It is. Sorry to have skipped over the main part of the storyI blame pain meds. So, yeah, sciatic nerve, which, uhI dont really know what that is, except for a little epicenter of agony that makes it feel like someone is driving rusty spikes through my feet, and ripping the muscles out of my legs.

Anyway, thats all Im going to say about this bullshit until Im healed up, at which point Ill proclaim, Im healed!


posted 10/01/07


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