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A Month I Can Dig by Ray Printer Friendly

October, finally! I love October. Iím not sure why, exactly, but Iím guessing it has something to do with the fact that Iíve been fat all my life, and October has always signified when the ball-melting heat finally begins to recede. Of course, now that I live in Austin, that doesnít applyómy balls will continue to melt for another month or so.

My love for October might also have something to do with Halloweenóthe only holiday of the year where you just get to walk around and ask people for candy, and theyíll give it to you! Iíve tried this tactic on all of the other holidays, only to fail miserably and get the cops called on me. But on Halloween, people just laugh at a middle-aged man brandishing a fluorescent orange bag with a pumpkin face printed on it, and they give him candy.

All fat-guy jokes asideóI really do love October. Itís when the world first starts showing off its magic, and itís when I get to go home and take my nephews trick-or-treating.

Good times.

The only thing I have against October is that there are so many birthdays I have to deal with: sisters, brothers, nephews, and friends. I blame February for this, though, and that damned Valentineís Day. You get good and liquored up, there are roses, chocolates, edible pantiesóof course thereís gonna be a pile of babies born nine months down the road.

But overactive birth canals aside, October is awesome, mostly because itís when all the creepy shit comes out to play. You canít walk into anywhere without seeing spider webs or ghosts or monsters. It gives my imagination a gigantic boner.

As far as news goes, Iíve got a creepy story Iím working on, but itís spiraling out of control. Hopefully Iíll have it finished by the end of the month. Iíll be returning to my home town for Halloween, so if youíre there, look me up. Iím going to take pictures this year of all the little heathens running around begging for candy, and maybe Iíll post any that I deem worthy.

Hopefully Iíll get something posted that's worth listening to over on our podcast page, but I make no promises.

Oh, and hereís some big news: this is the first time Iím abbreviating the First-Of-The-Month Quotes title. Iím not trying to do anything cute like International House of Pancakes did when they busted out ďIHOP,Ē or like South Western Bell did when they tried (and failed) to introduce SWBYPS (sounded out as something monumentally stupid like ďSwawbips). Iím just lazy. Itís going to be labeled as FOTM Quotes. See what I did there? Abbreviated.

Reading it phonetically, I suppose it could be pronounced as ďFought ĎEm,Ē but whatís the point? ďFought ĎEm quotes.Ē How stupid. Donít call it that, okay? If you canít be bothered to say First Of The Month Quotes, just call it the quotes. In fact, Iíve changed my mind. Iím not going to abbreviate. Abbreviation is dumb.

Anyway, thatís that. Happy October, Strangelanders!

posted 10/01/07


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