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Please Direct Your Attention To... by Ray Printer Friendly

So I’m sitting at my desk the other day, and I hear a giggling behind me. My princess was in the living room, perusing the internet with her laptop, and apparently, something had tickled her fancy.

Moments passed, and then she laughed again. “What are you looking at that in there?” I asked. I’m always curious about what people find funny. Especially my princess. Her sense of humor baffles me because she thinks I’m funny—which is obviously right on the money—but then sometimes she’ll laugh at shit like the billboard with Shrek on it that says “Ogre Achiever.” She covers the spectrum, is what I’m saying, so I’m always curious as to what it is that’s making her laugh at any given time.

“I’m just reading this lady’s website. She’s really funny. I think you would like it.”

My princess usually reads websites about either A) teaching, or B) finance. Maybe I’m an assuming asshole, but if she’s reading something “funny” on a site like that, I want no part of it. So I said something noncommittal like, “Ah,” and went back to doing whatever it was I was doing at the time.

The next day, I was stretched out on the floor reading my new Batman comics and my princess was once again laughing at something on the internet. I glanced over and saw the familiar page.

“You really should read this,” she said to me. “Sometimes I read something, and it’s just like something you would write.”

Here’s the thing: she doesn’t usually read the shit that I write. I mean she will, if I point it out to her, send her a clickable link, and then watch over her shoulder. But left to her own devices, she generally stays pretty far away from The Strangelands. I don’t fault her for this, of course—the words that come out of my brain aren’t for everyone.

But I do find it odd that while she won’t read the things I write, she’ll read something that someone else writes that reminds her of something I would write. Like, “Okay, I’m not going to have sex with you, but I’m going to find this guy that looks just like you and then I’ll have sex with him because it’s like having sex with you.”


“Here, listen to this thing she writes about kids.” She proceeded to read me a bit of it, which is actually damn hilarious.

Long story short, this website, Violent Acres, is some good stuff. I haven’t read enough of it yet to tell you it’s quality through and through, but I really like what I’ve seen so far. I was debating whether or not to write about it, until I saw this post today. I don’t know if I would go so far as to say that it reminds me of something I would write, but it’s definitely something I would think, and it’s something I would try to write.

I also really like her ”The War On Drugs Is Bullshit” post.

So, yeah, that’s my “I’m too lazy to post, so I’ll direct you elsewhere” post.

Before I go, though: Some of you might have noticed that my mom has been writing comments recently. If you feel that this is a bit odd, let me take this opportunity to validate your feelings. It’s freakin’ bizarre, is what it is. She has told me numerous times that not only does my writing scare her a little, sometimes it flat out disgusts her. “You’re a good writer, I just don’t like the things you write.”

My sister (the one responsible for sending the links to my mother in the first place) recently sent me an email that said “I think it's really funny that the hard-drinking, tough-talking, potty-mouth writer got called ‘Honey’ on his website.” My sister has always delighted in my discomfort.

But listen: my mom hanging out will do nothing to deter me from being the same hard-drinking, tough-talking, potty mouth writer perfect mild-mannered gentleman you’ve all come to want to have disgusting, freaky sex with respect.

Thank you and good night.

posted 6/22/07


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