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If I Knew Now What I'll Know Later by Ray Printer Friendly

Just for the record, I know this is a bad idea. When I wake up tomorrow, the alarm blaring in my ear, and I see that the first number is a five instead of something in the double digits, I値l remember this moment, and I値l call myself a dumbass. I値l think about how nice it would be to just call in and leave a message on my boss痴 voicemail, telling him that I知 too sick to make it in today.

Instead of making that call, I値l drag myself out of bed, push the 登ff button angrily, and immediately begin my search for eye drops. I値l get dressed, I値l walk outside, and the temperature will already be in the 80s, because it isn稚 going to get much lower than that for the rest of the summer, day or night.

I tried to go to bed. I really did. I was asleep and everything.

I dreamed that I was working customer service again, and it was hauntedby customers. Dead customers. Not just any dead customers, though: the most annoying, whiny, belligerent, jerkoff customers ever. The people who would rather stick around and bitch about returning a DVD player than step into the light, you know what I知 saying?

I woke up.

I tried to doze back off, but it was a no-go. So here I am, sitting at my computer, knowing I should be asleep, but making myself a drink instead. I tell myself that it will dull me down, make me sleepy, and I値l still be able to get a good night痴 rest.

It痴 a lie, of course. What値l end up happening is that I値l finish this post, and I値l finish my drink, and then instead of going to bed, I値l get sidetracked. It might be with something as simple as looking for the aloe lotion悠 got sunburned today, and I知 wondering if dealing with it is worth the trouble. Or it might be that I値l find some random scrap of file and decide tonight is the night to make it into a story. Or maybe I値l come across an unfamiliar phone number and give it a dial.

I知 not sure what will happen, but I知 sure it will happen. I can pretty much assure you that I won稚 be going to bed at a reasonable hour tonight.

And tomorrow morning, before the sun has even gotten up to pee, I値l be stumbling up onto my forklift, preparing myself to offload 4,224 cases of muriatic acid (22 pallets悠 was just being dramatic with the big number). I値l think about this moment, and I値l call myself names, and then I値l laugh. Because you know what? Those moments with the acid and the forklift and the timeclock? I don稚 live for those moments.

Right now, at my desk, the keys making that special sound they make when I知 typing really fast, these are the moments I live for. When I have a thought, and I知 able to express it and then share it with whoever feels like dropping by and readingthat痴 modern day magic, man.

The thought process that got me out of bed tonight was this:

I could get up, maybe write a quick post, and then go back to sleep. No, I should go back to sleep right now悠 have to get up early tomorrow. But if I知 wasting my time right now, trying to get to sleep, why don稚 I just go in to work right now, work through the night, and then come home tomorrow at ten in the morning? Because I don稚 want to. I知 home, I知 clean, I知 relaxing. No, I知 forcing myself to go to sleep when I don稚 feel like it so I can wake up when I don稚 feel like it and go to work. Screw this, I知 getting up

And I知 glad I did.


posted 6/15/07


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