I got around to posting some pictures of Robís party, if youíre the kind of person whoís interested in that sort of thing. Trey recently told me that he refuses to look at pictures of himself taken at parties, which, in my opinion, is some very good thinking and a little bizarre.
He said something about not understanding why people would take a camera to a party to get pictures of people looking stupid, and I felt a little guilty about it for a second. Then I remembered that A) I was taking pictures because Rob specifically asked me to take some of his party guests, and B) Itís freakiní funny to get pictures of people looking stupid. Donít get me wrongóI donít want to be the stupid-looking one, but if itís anyone else, itís great.
For example: When I was taking pictures, I would hold my little plastic cup of Wild Turkey in my teeth so I could use both hands to steady the camera. At one point, I ended up inhaling some of it through my nose. The following sneeze/gasp/cough thing was not a pretty sight. I know this because someone used the opportunity to take a picture. Lucky for me, they used my camera, so I was safely able to destroy the offending photo.
Anyway, the pictures I posted are by no means all-inclusive. Theyíre just a few that I felt like posting. And the pictures that follow arenít the only ones I posted, theyíre just the ones I felt like writing about.
Also, you should probably be aware that some of these are probably considered unsafe for work, so if you have kids around or a boss or whatever, beware. Unless the kids and the boss like dirty pictures, in which case, get to it.
So without further ado:
Robís Birthday: A Photo Essay (but with words)
All right, letís start with this chick.
I donít know who she is, but she intrigues me. Not just because sheís got a cigar hanging out of her mouth and a drink in her hand. Not even just because sheís butt-grinding on another chick. What Iím transfixed on is the puddle of clear liquid on her right breast. I mean, what is that? Sweat? Spilled drink? Drool? Did she just come from the set of a porno flick? Itís a mystery.
Here she is again, either chewing on her finger or gagging herself or about to puke or something. Again, I donít know.
One thing I do know is that sheís shooting laser beams out of her head, and thatís pretty cool. And terrifying. One thing that life has taught me the hard way is that you never mess with a chick covered in jailhouse tats and can shoot lasers out of her head. Theyíre easy to love, but hard to hold, and in the end, all youíll have is a broken heart and genital scars.
This is Dallie.
Heís the valet guy that drove rik and I around and ensured that these pictures could be posted here for your enjoyment. I donít really know much about him, except for he seemed to be a really good sport about the whole fiasco, and he didnít drive off of a bridge after ten minutes of listening to our drunken ravings.
Speaking of rik, hereís a picture of her boob next to the valet guys. Rock on, rikís boob. Notice how it has its own drink. Unfortunately, rikís boob has something of a drinking problem. Some of her friends were going to have an intervention at one time, but it just seemed too weird. Also, we were too scared, because rikís boob has a history of violence.
Ah, and speaking of boobs:
The Teaser Flash
and The Grab
Fantastic, right? Oh, and donít think I forgot about you, ladies. A little somethiní to think about next time you need to spice up your love life with a fantasy:
Overheard when this dude left with a woman: ďWell, at least she knows exactly what sheís gettiní.Ē
This next picture isnít terribly exciting, but I felt I should explain, what with me wasting the time maliciously photoshopping it, and all. The homoerotic dance is all his own, I just added the urine stains on his shorts. Iím pretty sure thatís his wife to the right, there. I canít remember if she was a substitute teacher back in the day or what, but I seem to recall every guy in my school wanting to do her, despite the age difference. And between you and me, sheís still lookiní pretty foxy. Not as foxy as her sexy-dance husband, of course, but how can you compete with him, right?
Iíll tell you howóyou be this guy:
That mad-pimp-lookiní sucker on the left is yours truly, sporting a full cup of Wild Turkey and sexy facial hair with an attitude of its very own. The chick under my arm is just some drunk that wandered up and wouldnít leave me alone for the rest of the night. Iím like a freak magnet.
And speaking of freak magnets, hereís a picture of Treyís crotch.
Iím not sure why this picture was on my memory card, and Iím just gonna go ahead and assume that he took it himself. Thereís a chance that I was manning the camera at the time, but the ramifications of that avenue of thought are too icky to contemplate. Hereís the body parts of Trey other than his crotch:
A very confused party-goer: Iím not sure what was going on when I took this picture, but I like to think he was doing an impersonation of a monkey. Because monkeys are hilarious, and so is the look on this dudeís face. His nameís Dean, but all the ladyís call him Super Sexy Thinker. You can understand why.
And last but not least, the man himself,
Kenny Rogers Rob.
He usually keeps better company.
Anyway, there you have it. You canít really get a feel of how awesome it was by looking at the pictures, but hopefully you could at least get a good laugh at how I made people look stupid. And Iíll stop talking about the stinkiní party now.