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Smooth as a porn star's testicle. Ray

The Corny Incident by Ray
Having a kid is weird. And I don't just mean the usual weirdness, like never being able to use the bathroom in peace ...
June 02, 2017
 
Routine by Ray
The routine, man, it's killin' me. Wake up in the morning, tired, too tired for the day, but having to face it, anywa...
January 24, 2017
 
Discipline by Ray
One of the things that bugs me the most about being a parent is that there's no right way to do it. I mean, there's not ...
January 07, 2017
 
Moments by Ray
There's a lot we could talk about, you and I. We could discuss the years that have passed, the adventures we've shared, ...
December 31, 2016
 
Life Decisions by Ray
I want to start this post out by mentioning that I have been fighting off some sort of a sickness for about a week, now....
December 20, 2016
 
Falling For The Fallen by Ray
...
December 04, 2016
 
Switching Worlds by Ray
I haven't put my headphones in, not yet. It's time for them, time to block out the world and sink into my own, the one I...
December 01, 2016
 
Still Writing by Ray
55,263 words. I've finished my novel for this year. Kind of. I reached my word count, and I have a complete sto...
November 29, 2016
 
We're Back. Yeah, For Real. by Ray
I'm going to tell you something that, four or five years ago, I wouldn't have imagined thinking, much less admitting: wr...
November 18, 2016
 
Planning With The Baby by Ray
When you have a baby, things don't always go according to plan. In fact, they usually don't, so it's important to be abl...
April 17, 2016
 
Fatherhood: Bath Time by Ray
Before I had a kid, I knew next to nothing about children; in fact, even after having a kid, I know next to nothing abou...
March 22, 2016
 
Wasted Conversation by Ray
"They say you always hurt the ones you love." I open my eyes with a start, momentarily confused. Not just about the s...
January 09, 2016
 
A Few Minutes For A Parent To Write by Ray
It's December 31st, so this post feels like cheating a little bit, as far as getting a post in during December. But I'm ...
December 31, 2015
 
NaNoWriMo Update (Week 2) by Ray
The weird thing about writing updates about writing a novel is that every time I start, I think about how I really shoul...
November 15, 2015
 
NaNoWriMo Update (Week 1...Kind Of) by Ray
...
November 11, 2015
 
No Longer October by Ray
In case you weren't around last month, you...actually didn't miss anything at all. I managed to sneak in a boring-ass ex...
November 01, 2015
 
It's Still October, Right? by Ray
October has been straight-up bare around here. I have reasons for this. About 6 or 7 weeks ago, I jacked my back up pret...
October 28, 2015
 
No Means No by Ray
I think a lot about raising my son. Not just the stuff I do on a daily basis: bottles, diaper changes, funny voices, and...
September 20, 2015
 
Tuesday Arrives by Ray
"What do guys like you think about?" She pulls a cigarette out of the pack and hands it over to me without asking. I tak...
September 15, 2015
 
Hard Learning by Ray
"You know why I have to do this," he says, and I feel like he must be trying to convince himself. Because I can't think ...
September 12, 2015
 
It Would Be Better If There Were More Robots by Ray
I've been trying to write a good intro for September for a few days, now, and I still got nothin'. In my head, Septe...
September 12, 2015
 
True Colors by Ray
He hears the sound of fabric as she slides the cloth from the canvas, and then...silence. He's deadly aware of the si...
August 23, 2015
 
Spilled Birds by Ray
"You ever wonder about all the spilled birds?" I take a sip of my coffee, hoping it hasn't gone cold. I'm disappointe...
August 22, 2015
 
Hide And Seek by Ray
She was never any good at hiding. That's all I can think about as I look around the room. There's so much blood. ...
August 10, 2015
 
Getting Old by Ray
The Strangelands is truly a strange place, these days. Not in the frenetic, late-night, rant-filled way it used to be. I...
August 09, 2015
 
Can't Rain Forever by Ray
She only loved me in the rain. Maybe it was the noise of the drops hitting the windows and the rusty tin roof above u...
July 19, 2015
 
Just Thinking by Ray
In case you're wondering, I have a kid, now. In case you're wondering if that's all I'm going to talk about from now on,...
July 12, 2015
 
A Little Curious by Ray
That cat thing, it goes both ways. I open my eyes. I think I open my eyes. There's nothing, no way to tell the differ...
July 12, 2015
 
What A Time To Be Alive by Ray
I am sitting in a hospital room, waiting for my son to be born, and updating The Strangelands on my phone. Good old tech...
June 18, 2015
 
Long Stinkin' Day by Ray
I step out of the bathroom in a cloud of steam, and pretend I'm a god of some sort. I don't feel all that godlike, unle...
May 23, 2015
 
To Do by Ray
It's another rainy Saturday morning, when I should be painting. Instead, I'm watching out the window as a bird hops in f...
May 16, 2015
 
The More Things Change by Ray
There's a chime that sounds in my new neighborhood. I don't know where it comes from...maybe the house across the street...
May 09, 2015
 
A Little Curious by Ray
The latest writing challenge on Time by Ray
For several years, time has been in the annoying habit of slipping away from me. My first nephew, who is supposed to ...
April 19, 2015
 
What's Up by Ray
So I've told you guys that I'm going to be ...
March 05, 2015
 
Impending Parenthood: Pies by Ray
Awhile back, I wrote...
February 22, 2015
 
Haunted Shadow by Ray
Nobody ever asked, because why would they? But if you'd asked me about my bar, if you'd asked if it was haunted, I'd te...
February 15, 2015
 
Back To The News by Ray
I planned on writing tonight. Then I fell asleep, because I'm old, and one of my new hobbies is being tired. Fortunat...
February 07, 2015
 
So This Is Happening by Ray
If you know me at all, in real life, or through the internet, there are two things you probably know about me. One is th...
January 26, 2015
 
Adventures In File Transfer: Harry Cockshaft by Ray
I recently got a new computer. It's pretty great, but now there's the small matter of moving ten years of unorganized da...
January 03, 2015
 
Cheese, Or Something Like It by Ray
Have a happy new year. Don't get me wrong--I'm not wishing you a happy new year. It's more like instructional advi...
January 01, 2015
 
Question by Ray
"So here's the question." "I'm all ears." "No, you're all mouth. Shut up and listen." "All right, I'm listening...
December 29, 2014
 
Blue Sky Blues by Ray
She only loved me in the rain. Maybe it was the noise of the drops hitting the windows and the tin roof, blocking out...
December 14, 2014
 
Time To Get Busy by Ray
It is almost two weeks into December, and this morning, I finished up the project at work that has consumed my time and ...
December 12, 2014
 
National Novel Writing Month Winds Down by Ray
The first time I participated i...
November 29, 2014
 
Hobby Lobby by Ray
I went to Hobby Lobby yesterday. This isn't the kind of thing I generally do--not because I think I'm too masculine for ...
November 23, 2014
 
Hero by Ray
You're a hero. Everyone knows it. You put on the costume, they can't get you up on their shoulders fast enough. Yo...
November 12, 2014
 
Welcome Back by Ray
In case you haven't heard, Caring by Ray
He cares. We talk, we shoot the shit. He sees me more than most of my friends do. He cares. He doesn't know m...
April 20, 2011
 
Subway Journals: Part 13 by Ray
...
April 17, 2011
 
Just Another Day At The Ditches by Ray
I'm just another dirty foot shoved into a clean sock, you got no idea how loud I want to scream. Words or not, rage erup...
April 12, 2011
 
Subway Journals: Part 12 by Ray
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April 10, 2011
 
Subway Journals: Part 11 by Ray
...
April 08, 2011
 
Another Dozen Midnights by Ray
We see each other every night, and pretend not to. She walks her dog, I feed my addiction--we're both very nurturing, ap...
April 07, 2011
 
Subway Journals: Part 10 by Ray
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April 05, 2011
 
Subway Journals: Part 9 by Ray
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April 04, 2011
 
Subway Journals: Part 8 by Ray
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April 02, 2011
 
Insert Fight Club Quote Here by Ray
I'll be honest, kids--my head isn't really in the game, at this point. And when your head isn't in the game for Strangel...
April 02, 2011
 
Another Ruined Dinner Party by Ray
Sitting lonely in the House of Secrets, sipping amber until the world looks less alive. Reality is too bright, and the l...
April 01, 2011
 
Subway Journals: Part 7 by Ray
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March 31, 2011
 
Subway Journals: Part 6 by Ray
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March 29, 2011
 
Subway Journals: Part 5 by Ray
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March 27, 2011
 
Subway Journals: Part 4 by Ray
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March 26, 2011
 
Want by Ray
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March 25, 2011
 
Subway Journals: Part 3 by Ray
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March 25, 2011
 
Subway Journals: Part 2 by Ray
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March 22, 2011
 
Rough Landing by Ray
There's a pain you get. Remember when you were a little kid? It's this pain in your ankle, when you jump off something t...
March 20, 2011
 
Subway Journals: Part 1 by Ray
...
March 20, 2011
 
Defeat by Ray
Wrong night, you loud-mouth fuck. I know how big you are, I know how strong you are, I know that you will clean the alle...
March 20, 2011
 
Time Limit by Ray
He looks good in blood, I'll give him that. I don't like the son of a bitch--might even be safe to say I hate him--b...
March 15, 2011
 
Found by Ray
I'm quick to make up traditions, and one that I've taken a shining to is Kim's birthday story. Each year, she picks out ...
March 09, 2011
 
More Good Stuff by Ray
It's been a while since we've done any sort of music review around here, and it's mostly because I can't remember what ...
March 08, 2011
 
Another Rejected Business School Application by Ray
Smile. Smile, motherfucker, and act like you don't know about the hammer behind my back, act like you don't hear my foot...
March 06, 2011
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Finally by Ray
Sorry about the wait for the Quotes, kids. Still working on getting moved in: unpacking boxes, organizing stuff, masturb...
March 06, 2011
 
Excuses, Excuses. by Ray
So you might have noticed that this issue is a little late. And maybe how you noticed that last month, even though it wa...
March 04, 2011
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: Slurped Potential by Ray
...
February 21, 2011
 
Watched Over by Ray
When I was a kid, I found this little booklet. It was like a mini-comic thing. Being a huge fan of comic books, I was ex...
February 21, 2011
 
Chalk Outline Love by Ray
Baby, it's the way you whisper, "i hate you," like nobody else can, as you plant your lies and kisses, and your touches ...
February 14, 2011
 
Identity by Ray
...
February 13, 2011
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: Yearbook Inscription by Ray
Don't be afraid: Even stars fall, and we never stood a cha...
February 07, 2011
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Doing Fine? by Ray
I know I generally have to apologize for not having nearly enough Quotes, but I think I did pretty good this month. "Goo...
February 02, 2011
 
It's My Birthday, So You'll Cry If I Want You To by Ray
Well kids, it's that time of year again: our birthday. Seven years ago this month, a couple of drunk kids decided to sta...
February 02, 2011
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: Dammit by Ray
You don't understand, and there's no way I should expect you to. So here: It is not my language, it isn't even my word...
January 29, 2011
 
Childhood Superstitions by Ray
"Tell me something," I tell her. "Something?" "Anything." I turn my head to look at her, and as I do, I hear the ...
January 18, 2011
 
That One Night Of Life by Ray
On the phone tonight, I hear, "You gotta listen to this--totally like a Batcave-night song." Made me remember: The Ba...
January 16, 2011
 
It's Like Writing by Ray
You look around, right? Search through old files, skim through internet pages, whatever. Grab your phone and scroll thr...
January 14, 2011
 
Gifted by Ray
So you're what? The guy? The recording guy? [Documentarion.] Documentarion. Fancy. You make that title up yourself?...
January 12, 2011
 
Random Babbling by Ray
I wanted to write something, something awesome and life-changing. Or at least post-worthy. But I got all tied up doing o...
January 06, 2011
 
Traffic by Ray
So where are we at, the fourth? About half a week into the new year? I kind of hate January, because all the real holid...
January 04, 2011
 
g'nigh by Ray
well hey, we could hurt people, right? i mean, you're here and i'm here and we both been drinking and cursing and ...
January 03, 2011
 
I Noticed Something... by Ray
...
January 03, 2011
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Right On Time! by Ray
You might have noticed there were no FOTM Quotes last month. If you did, it's probably because you're one of those peopl...
January 01, 2011
 
Twenty Eleven--The Year My Liver Finally Leaves Me For Another Man by Ray
Happy New Year, everybody. I hope it's going good for you so far. Mine isn't too bad at all. I managed to walk that ...
January 01, 2011
 
Middle Child Syndrome by Ray
It was about the worst thing that could happen. Pretty much par for our family, though. We're trying to do the whole dr...
December 27, 2010
 
BooD Kall by Ray
Your smiles are false promises and your laughter: Lies, filled sweet with my own idiocy.
Dance reckless on t...
December 22, 2010
 
Finish Line by Ray
I light a cigarette, and she glares at me. "Is that a cigarette?" she yells, even though she clearly knows that it is...
December 16, 2010
 
Size Issues by Ray
What's goin' on, kids? Just chillin'? Good, that's good. So I'm sort of dealing with some sort of monitor agoraphobi...
December 15, 2010
 
Stationary by Ray
"Look...just...take whatever you want, okay? I get paid like six bucks an hour, it's not worth dying." "Oh, take it e...
December 09, 2010
 
Not It by Ray
Do you remember being a kid, there was a little game you played right before you played the real game? One two three NO...
December 09, 2010
 
Funny Day by Ray
"Look," I say, which is ridiculous, because I can't meet her eyes. "I only...the thing is...we, I know we, look..." S...
December 06, 2010
 
Roaming Truth by Ray
Did you know I used to be serious? I did. I stopped, because it made me want to hurt people, it made me want to hurt mys...
December 05, 2010
 
Although Donuts Would Be Good, Too by Ray
What's up, kids? Did you miss me? Yeah, I know you did, don't act all tough, like you got along just fine without me. ...
December 01, 2010
 
Thanks by Ray
I want to say thank you. Oddly, this has nothing to do with the fact that it's almost Thanksgiving, here in America. It...
November 24, 2010
 
Scratched Diamond Melody by Ray
(note for my sister, or anyone else who doesn't like sex stuff: ...
November 23, 2010
 
Why Not by Ray
Talk to me. Taunt me, tease me, let's laugh about it together. Because you don't know me, but you know people like me, r...
November 22, 2010
 
Update by Ray
I would like to start out by saying thank you to Charlie Mine. I appreciate the fact that you've been posting in my abse...
November 17, 2010
 
Sundays With Keith by Ray
I'm going to start out by admitting that I'm partial to Keith on a personal level, so maybe my reviews of his "Sundays W...
November 07, 2010
 
Sanctuary Book Project by Ray
You guys know how every year around this time, I start talking about how I'm working on a book? Usually, it's right abou...
November 06, 2010
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: No Time For Apologies by Ray
No time for excuses, kids--I got shit to do. Here are your FOTM Qu...
November 03, 2010
 
Different Kind Of November by Ray
So it's November. In America, this traditionally means things like turkey and togetherness for Thanksgiving. This usuall...
November 02, 2010
 
Break by Ray
Still alive? Might as well be, what else do we have to do? Home. No matter what, it always will be. It's not where I...
October 31, 2010
 
Talk by Ray
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October 28, 2010
 
Family Land (part 1 of 4) by Ray
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October 25, 2010
 
Family Land (part 2 of 4) by Ray
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October 25, 2010
 
Family Land (part 3 of 4) by Ray
...
October 25, 2010
 
Family Land (part 4 of 4) by Ray
If you didn't know the town, you wouldn't know there was anything to worry about, not at first. But I know it, and I...
October 25, 2010
 
Stupid Day by Ray
Crazy little fuck, crazy little fuck, what the hell was that? This is...I swear, this is why I hate kids. Little bastard...
October 21, 2010
 
Daddy's Little Girl (part 3 of 3) by Ray
This is the last part of a three-part story. You...
October 18, 2010
 
Daddy's Little Girl (part 2 of 3) by Ray
This is the second part of a three-part s...
October 18, 2010
 
Daddy's Little Girl (part 1 of 3) by Ray
...
October 18, 2010
 
My Hometown by Ray
The first thing you'll comment on is the name, so we'll get that out of the way right now: Canadian, Texas. Yeah, it's...
October 14, 2010
 
Messy Kitchen by Ray
Messy? Sure it is. You don't get into this business if you're scared of messy, though. Dangerous? More than a little. ...
October 12, 2010
 
First-Of-The-month Quotes: Facial Hair by Ray
Ah, First-Of-The-Month Quotes. The easiest part of the month--all I have to do is type in all the crap I've collected. A...
October 08, 2010
 
God's Twitter by Ray
Do you need to know? Should I tell you? How you ever gonna know me, it's not like we dance the same dances or feel the ...
October 03, 2010
 
Recovery by Ray
I used to wonder. I'd see things on the news, stories about gun control or gun safety, and I'd wonder. Accidental killi...
October 02, 2010
 
I Wrote This During Lunch by Ray
Hey kids, welcome to October. This is one of the few months that I enjoy, mostly because it means I get to go home and v...
October 01, 2010
 
Scratched Contact Lens of the Heart by Ray
Hey Hey HeyheyheyheyheyheyHEY What are you doing? What you wanna do? Wanna hurt? Wanna hurt yourself, wanna hurt the...
September 29, 2010
 
Yesterday by Ray
I found this on my computer tonight. I have no idea when I wrote it, but since I haven't posted anything for a while, I ...
September 27, 2010
 
Now by Ray
...
September 24, 2010
 
Flash Fiction: The Twelfth Kiss by Ray
I've always loved the snow, always thought of it as a friend. My best friend, with its beauty and its calmness and the ...
September 18, 2010
 
Distance by Ray
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September 17, 2010
 
Family Tradition by Ray
"You understand, don't you? You understand it's not because we don't love you?" The tears that have been welling up i...
September 12, 2010
 
Curious by Ray
I saw this widget tonight when I was posting pictures on Twitpic, and wondered what would happen if I pasted the code in...
September 07, 2010
 
Overly Long Review: Robocop 3 by Ray
I want to start out by saying I'm writing this overly-long review on my fancy new netbook, using an online word processo...
September 06, 2010
 
That's Just Sick by Ray
"My throat's a little scratchy this morning." This is how it starts, in case you're new to my world. I push my chair ...
September 05, 2010
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: So Late, They Thought They Were Pregnant by Ray
Yep, that's a menstruation joke as the title. Because we keep it classy around here. So yeah, I'm posting FOTM Quotes...
September 04, 2010
 
Hello There, It's September by Ray
We gotta be quick about this month's intro, kids--I'm supposed to be on my way to work right now, and I haven't even put...
September 01, 2010
 
Twitter Review: Neverending Story by Ray
Hey there, everyone. How's it going? Pretty great, I hope. Hey, listen, have you heard about this internet thing? Twitte...
August 30, 2010
 
It Also Wants Tacos by Ray
...
August 30, 2010
 
So Far by Ray
One of my writing friends recently asked me to write something for his 'zine. I'm an ego whore, so I immediately agreed....
August 23, 2010
 
Some Pictures by Ray
Okay. Maybe my brain isn't firing on all cylinders right now. It has been a long weekend, and I don't get over brain dam...
August 16, 2010
 
i will only die a million times for you by Ray
It's eight empty bookshelves and some self-righteous bitch bragging about how fast she reads.
A pack of unsmoke...
August 14, 2010
 
Goodbye, Hate Week 2010 by Ray
So it's time to wind down another Hate Week. Frankly, I don't mind that it's over. I find that the best way for me to g...
August 13, 2010
 
Here's A Picture For Hate Week by Ray
Usually I spend a lot more time preparing for Hate Week. Promotional postcards, posters, or spray-painted goats. This ye...
August 11, 2010
 
Hate Week: Still Raging by Ray
It has passed that time of night. I set myself a limit. If I'm still sitting here with a blank page in front of me when ...
August 11, 2010
 
I'll Show You Mine... by Ray
I couldn't think of anything good to write, but then I remembered I drew this picture of a guy holding his penis. His pe...
August 10, 2010
 
A Quick Video For Hate Week by Ray
The other day, one of my coworkers made this note card for another coworker. Working with a bunch of females is perfect ...
August 10, 2010
 
Hate Week Running by Ray
Writing a post about running during Hate Week is pretty much the easiest thing in the world for me. Because I am not goo...
August 09, 2010
 
Hate Week Trials by Ray
I don't really have a motto, nor do I have words that I live by. But one thing I do have is the constant feeling of Karm...
August 07, 2010
 
Look Who's Back. Hate Week by Ray
It's August 6th, which means a couple things. One, that I haven't posted nearly as often as I'd hoped. Two, that Hate We...
August 06, 2010
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Not Very Many (Again) by Ray
It should not surprise you at all that I don't have very many Quotes. I am a slacker, which means that I slack. Here's w...
August 02, 2010
 
Happy August by Ray
Hi there. How's it going? Pretty good, I hope. So, I don't know if you noticed or not, but it's August. August...
August 01, 2010
 
Day 14 by Ray
Right in the middle of a great dream. One of those that you want to live in forever. Alarm sounds. Bed's soft, temper...
July 30, 2010
 
That One Wednesday by Ray
Stop it, he goes, and I just laugh a hateful laugh and run my arm across another table, knocking every damn thing onto t...
July 28, 2010
 
Day 10 by Ray
So this is my third week. I ran Monday through Thursday the first week I started running. I ran Monday through Friday la...
July 26, 2010
 
Owl Cat: The Quest Begins by Ray
A while back, I made a short little clip about Owl Cat. It was a spur of the moment thing, and even though it was really...
July 24, 2010
 
Dear America, by Ray
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July 23, 2010
 
Sorry by Ray
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July 22, 2010
 
Hungry For Love E-Book (UPDATED) by Ray
I wrote a new zombie story. I haven't quite decided if I'm going to post it here or not. Right now, it's available as a ...
July 20, 2010
 
Day 5 by Ray
I don't have much time to write about Day 5. The distance has increased enough that I'm going to have to wake up earlier...
July 19, 2010
 
Day 4 by Ray
More more more of the same. No exciting weather, no drunken hobo to yell encouragement from the bus bench. Only more...
July 15, 2010
 
Day 3 by Ray
Will I write about this every day? I don't know. I've made an agreement with myself that I am going to write every d...
July 14, 2010
 
Day 2 by Ray
The alarm goes off and I can't help but believe it. As much as I want to hit the snooze button, I can't--alarm is set wi...
July 13, 2010
 
E-Reading and E-Books And Other E-Things, Oh My! by Ray
I recently downloaded an e-reader application, and it's one of the few things I like about my stupid phone. What I reall...
July 12, 2010
 
First Of The Month Quotes: Late/Text Edition by Ray
I've been trying to figure out what to do about First Of The Month Quotes this month. The thing is, I only had four. ...
July 11, 2010
 
Escape by Ray
Do you ever wonder if you're a good person? I think most of us assume that we are, right? You get up in the morning, yo...
July 07, 2010
 
Hey Here Are Some Pictures by Ray
So I made it through Independence Day with my liver mostly intact, and barely any more brain damage than usual. Still ha...
July 05, 2010
 
Happy Fourth Of July by Ray
Hey kids, hope you're enjoying your holiday (if you're Americans--if you're not Americans, you're probably used to being...
July 04, 2010
 
So, Yeah...News by Ray
Hey everyone, it's July. Don't believe me, look at your phone or your calendar, or maybe even your watch, if it's fancy ...
July 01, 2010
 
Happy Valentine's Day by Ray
how many gorillas do i have to smash before i finally save the girl? i don't want to be a part of your world, i real...
June 30, 2010
 
Like Musical Chairs, But With Words by Ray
I spent a lot of time writing this post the other night, but I made the rookie mistake of trying to post it before savin...
June 28, 2010
 
Owl Cat UPDATED by Ray
Do you ever do something incredibly stupid, but you still find it hilarious? I just spent five minutes making the worst ...
June 26, 2010
 
Laughing At A Guy In A Wheelchair Has Never Been So Fun by Ray
I know I need to post more, but right now I'm listening to Eminem's new album, and I just want to type whatever while th...
June 23, 2010
 
Captain Of A Sinking Ship by Ray
...
June 21, 2010
 
You, Too, Can Be The Proud Owner Of Raw Dog by Ray
At one point, I mentioned a quickly thrown together book I was working on called Raw Dog. It seems like it was just the ...
June 21, 2010
 
Childhood Poison by Ray
Under the best of conditions, I generally don't take care of myself very well. I try, sometimes. There will be weeks at...
June 19, 2010
 
More Good Stuff by Ray
It's been a while since we did a music post, mostly because Trey was doing it, and he and his lovely bride recently rep...
June 15, 2010
 
You Should Probably Watch This by Ray
Do you guys remember back in the old days, when cartoons were awesome instead of just stupid bullshit and flashing image...
June 12, 2010
 
And The Dog Won't Turn Off The TV by Ray
The sun breaks over the horizon, and even to our sore eyes, it's treasure.

Another day, we've lived t...
June 07, 2010
 
The Sweetest Dream by Ray
"You think we're gonna be okay?" I look at her, and I wonder how she can ask something like that. You know that expre...
June 07, 2010
 
Saggy, But Efficient by Ray
I woke up this morning at 4:30. This was not on purpose, and I tried for half an hour to remedy the situation. Appar...
June 03, 2010
 
First Of The Month Quotes: Iphone People by Ray
At first, I thought it was my fault. But I soon realized it was not, mostly because I hate accepting blame. Instead, I b...
June 01, 2010
 
There Is A Bug And A Cleaver Named After This Month by Ray
I have so many pens in my pen holder right now, and I don't know where they came from. I know that's not too exciting, b...
June 01, 2010
 
Breaking In A New Year by Ray
I wrote a post ...
May 27, 2010
 
Don't Worry, Be Happy by Ray
I don't generally pull back the curtain on my writing, because I'm pretty sure nobody gives much of a shit. But I feel ...
May 26, 2010
 
If You Can't Trust Your Penis, Who Can You Trust? by Ray
I've been trying for the last twenty minutes to figure out something to write that would be entertaining, something that...
May 19, 2010
 
Jump Start Your Day With A Ditty by Ray
Monday morning, second cup of coffee, just out of the shower, and I find myself singing some made up song in a horrible ...
May 17, 2010
 
Whiskey Pages / Tequila Pages by Ray
NOTE: You can blame Karen for this post. I was about to go to bed, completely okay with the fact that I had a bottle of ...
May 15, 2010
 
Gutter-Fu*k Sensibilities by Ray
Hey! Even if you don't usually read poetry, you should read this. Because I'm head-fucked, and I feel like this is a sto...
May 13, 2010
 
Book Review: One Bloody Thing After Another by Ray
I am a big fan of Joey Comeau....
May 12, 2010
 
Questions And Answers by Ray
One a.m. and I'm just waking up from what I thought was going to be an all-night sleep. Woke for a moment--my princess s...
May 06, 2010
 
Back To The Club by Ray
It's so stupid. Stuff like this always is. But fuck it. Sometimes stupid is exactly what you need, right? When the...
May 03, 2010
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Fallen Warriors by Ray
Did you notice the dramatic title of this month's FOTM Quotes? If you didn't, you should go do that right quick. Tha...
May 01, 2010
 
I Probably Just Need Some Bacon by Ray
It is way too early in the day to be this brain-bogged. Which is probably why I was surprised by the fact that it's a ne...
May 01, 2010
 
Flash Fiction: Long Walk Home by Ray
Dirt scuffed to dust, caught in the wind, a cloud of nothing, and she tells herself it's time to cry, but she doesn't b...
April 29, 2010
 
Raw Dog by Ray
If you've been a regular reader for the past few years, you might remember me bitching about my back for what was probab...
April 27, 2010
 
The Wish by Ray
It's another one of those picture-with-word things (idea ripped off ...
April 22, 2010
 
I'm Not by Ray
A text conversation I had just now (I'm in bold):
"People in Canadian think you might be dead. Just a heads up....
April 21, 2010
 
A Fluicide Note by Ray
I'm lost. Whatever is supposed to separate the past from the future or the present, whatever's supposed to differentiate...
April 18, 2010
 
Dear Body, by Ray
I know I have been exceptionally hard on you this past couple of weeks, and I apologize. But you have to understand that...
April 12, 2010
 
Knowing by Ray
"Hell man, you wanna blow my heart apart, you have to at least look while you pull the trigger, you owe the heavens tha...
April 11, 2010
 
Or Double Dog Dare, If You're Feeling Up To It by Ray
A couple weeks ago, I made some new posters for The Strangelands. I don't know why, really. I guess I figured that at so...
April 03, 2010
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Mystery by Ray
I have no idea how many FOTM Quotes I have, and since that's usually what I talk about in this first paragraph, I guess ...
April 02, 2010
 
Or Was I? by Ray
So I'm naked right now. That's not really the point of anything, but I find it very distracting, and I knew that I would...
April 02, 2010
 
Except This Time? by Ray
"You need to write the truth," he says. "Quit writing what you wish was the truth, and write the truth." So here it g...
March 31, 2010
 
Wait...Did I Just Say That? by Ray
Okay...so this is a long, winding, nonsense of a post, but there's lots of good stuff, so try to follow along, okay? Or ...
March 29, 2010
 
To Robert M. Graves by Ray
Dear Bobby, Hey, man, I got your postcard, and I just wanted to let you know. As soon as possible, because you really...
March 28, 2010
 
Book Review--As The World Dies: Siege by Ray
Before you read on, let's get one thing out of the way, shall we? I'm just some guy who sits around in his boxer shorts...
March 27, 2010
 
What by Ray
...
March 27, 2010
 
Late Pictures: Halloween, 2009 by Ray
There's an unspoken rule in my life that I'm not really allowed to use pictures of friends and family members on this we...
March 22, 2010
 
Transpor-Lounge! by Ray
So I'm sitting here at my desk, not doing anything, really. Looking at things on the internet, but not paying any attent...
March 21, 2010
 
Lost In Loss by Ray
"Alcohol isn't the answer," she says, giving me that look. Not quite disapproving, but almost, and mixed with sadness a...
March 17, 2010
 
Like Every Vowel Ever by Ray
...
March 16, 2010
 
Stink So Good by Ray
I started the day out by dumping a partial shot of Scotch down my face and chest. I ended it by dumping some sort or sce...
March 15, 2010
 
Daylight Savings Time Sucks by Ray
So you probably already know it, but here in America, we switched over to daylight savings time last night. As much as I...
March 14, 2010
 
Strangelands Posters by Ray
I've been seeing hastily-made posters up all over town lately, advertising stuff for SXSW, and since I was bored, I deci...
March 14, 2010
 
Kick Ass by Ray
I don't generally watch TV or go to movies. I don't watch TV because I think most of what's on it is panda-fuck stupid. ...
March 13, 2010
 
Burning Bridges by Ray
She says hello, and I almost scream. I didn't know there was anyone else around. There shouldn't be anyone else around....
March 11, 2010
 
Hey, Here Are Some Pictures. Look At Them. Or Don't. It's Really Up To You. by Ray
So this is a total punk move, but I can't think of anything good to write, so I decided to just show you some pictures. ...
March 10, 2010
 
Spread 'Em by Ray
I generally try to spread my content out around the internet, which isn't nearly as gross as it might seem at first. Wel...
March 09, 2010
 
A Night Above Heaven by Ray
"You know what the problem is? I mean, you know what the real problem is?" "Yes." "Fuck you, you don't know." She g...
March 08, 2010
 
Special Needs, Indeed by Ray
The other day, I saw a man in a wheelchair. He was morbidly obese, and he had no arms or legs. One thing I want to g...
March 08, 2010
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Unchecked by Ray
Usually when I write FOTM Quotes, I go through them all before I even start typing, just to see how many I have, what I ...
March 02, 2010
 
I Can't Remember If It's The Year To Make A Joke About Marching by Ray
I'll tell you what, February got away from me. I kept hearing about things that were going to happen in March, deadlines...
March 02, 2010
 
Relevant Information by Ray
Last year, I did this thing where I wrote a story for a friend of...
February 27, 2010
 
Book Review: John Dies At The End by Ray
"John Dies At The End" is one of the greatest books I've ever read. I know that's a pretty strong statement, but it'...
February 24, 2010
 
Just This Thing (Old Notebook) by Ray
Working on something that is taking up most of my time. Hopefully it will be ready soon. Until then, here is this thing:...
February 23, 2010
 
Growling At A Broken Alarm Clock by Ray
Lost limitations and forgotten dreams. Motivate me to immobilization. Dare you. Hurt by things that can't be seen, se...
February 20, 2010
 
Andrew Joseph Stack: LUZR 4evah by Ray
Today was a weird day. Even before the airplane crashed into a building in my neighborhood, I mean. After that happened...
February 19, 2010
 
Media Whoring by Ray
I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "Man, I wish there was one more place on the internet that I could see var...
February 16, 2010
 
This Is Why I Should Get More Sleep by Ray
Look, I don't claim responsibility for most of the things I do, okay? I mean, 78% of the time, my brain's working agains...
February 15, 2010
 
Three A.M. Ballroom by Ray
Well... Here we are. Three in the morning. Three a.m. is the thinnest hour. The hour of monsters. So hard to ge...
February 14, 2010
 
Do You Know BJ? by Ray
This is BJ...
February 13, 2010
 
Lulu Coupon Code by Ray
Hey gang, I just got a notification from Lulu (the place where...
February 12, 2010
 
True by Ray
A while back, the Austin Chronicle had a short story contest. It had to be an original, unpublished work of a certain le...
February 10, 2010
 
Full Moon by Ray
...
February 09, 2010
 
The Post That Spun Wildly Out Of Control by Ray
Okay, so here's the thing: I got 39 minutes before I have to officially call it bed time. That'll put me at midnight, an...
February 09, 2010
 
That One Night, That One Time by Ray
Carmex kisses and cotton candy whispers, and a world worth of everythings just waiting ...
February 08, 2010
 
Why Hate All That Is Surely Living On Veiled Envy? by Ray
What, what do you want to know, what do you want to ask? Look, you sit there and try to think up your question, and I'll...
February 03, 2010
 
Stealing Ideas And Giving Them To You by Ray
Hey you guys, you know how...
February 03, 2010
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Kinda Weird by Ray
It was a strange month for First-Of-The-Month Quotes. When I first started writing down the bizarre things people said a...
February 01, 2010
 
Happy 6th Birthday, The Strangelands! by Ray
It's February, which means only one thing: It's our birthday! I suppose it could mean more than one thing, like it's tim...
February 01, 2010
 
Writing This Made Me Hungry by Ray
You might have noticed that I haven't been polluting this site with constant whining about my allergies like I have in ...
January 28, 2010
 
Deathwish by Ray
The other day, I had to carry a bunch of heavy-ass boxes up two flights of stairs, and then through an office building. ...
January 24, 2010
 
I Didn't Kill A Dog Today by Ray
I didn't kill a dog today. I think it's important that you know that before we get started--it'll make things easier lat...
January 22, 2010
 
A Bit About Music by Ray
I can't swear to it, but I'm pretty sure I first heard rap music when I was about eight years old. It wasn't gangsta rap...
January 22, 2010
 
Six Of One, Half A Dozen Of Another by Ray
So I'm back. From my trip out of town. Because I went to, uh...you bastards didn't even notice, did you? Well, anyway...
January 20, 2010
 
Hey Did You Guys Hear About This Twitter Thing? by Ray
I know I've talked about it before, and I know the majority of you don't care, but The Strangelands has a Twitter page. ...
January 14, 2010
 
Missed Call by Ray
...
January 11, 2010
 
Old Stuff: Thanks by Ray
I ended up digging through some old files tonight, mostly to appease a friend of mine, but also because I was curious. I...
January 10, 2010
 
The Big Question (Portly Boy pt. 73) by Ray
I couldn't remember if I'd ever had a gun against my head before. It seemed like I had, seemed like I'd had to, at one ...
January 09, 2010
 
Phone Post by Ray
7:13 a.m. My goal today is to write an entire post using only my phone. There are drawbacks--the main one being the lac...
January 06, 2010
 
My Haunted Everything by Ray
my haunted everything slides right up next to me, smiles at me, but just for a minute, and dammit if i don't see my mom'...
January 05, 2010
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Another Excuse by Ray
Everything sucks at the moment. Caught a cold just in time to take it back to work with me. Can't find any of my quotes ...
January 04, 2010
 
The Rumor About The Pig Is Slightly Exaggerated by Ray
You may have noticed that I was late getting this issue up. There are very good reasons for this, including, but not lim...
January 03, 2010
 
Rayndom by Ray
I don't have much to say, but I figured I should get a post of some sort up, anyway. So you get all kinds of pieces. ...
December 29, 2009
 
Experiments In Energy Vol. 7: Potcheen by Ray
You may not believe this, but this is one Experiments In Energy segment I'd really rather not do. I was having a fri...
December 26, 2009
 
Merry Christmas. I Got You A Book. by Ray
Hey everybody, how's it going? Good, I hope. Me, I'm pretty excited--I just finished final-proofing my latest book, "Deg...
December 25, 2009
 
Rumble Strips by Ray
A tablespoon of sticky memories and a dozen burned roses: Our behavior reeks of exploded airbags and spent fire extingu...
December 21, 2009
 
Cliché by Ray
The blood smears messy across the back of my hand, and I can only laugh. Really? This is my life? It's so stupid, it'...
December 18, 2009
 
Hey I Like Things Too by Ray
I know a million things, and they aren't doing me a damn bit of good right now. When you look around, and all you see is...
December 15, 2009
 
HOmeless BOy = HOBO by Ray
The other day was my birthday. When my princess asked me what I wanted, I told her I didn't know, and I'd think about it...
December 11, 2009
 
Book Status by Ray
Well heck, looks like the weekend's over, huh? I kinda missed it. I finally decided to force myself to sit down and get ...
December 07, 2009
 
In A Stalker's Paradise by Ray
...
December 06, 2009
 
So This Guy Walks Into A Bar... by Ray
I was out tonight, not for long, but long enough. Crowded bar--didn't realize it was a popular sports bar, and with the...
December 06, 2009
 
Broken Trapeze by Ray
I wonder for a second if this is because there's something wrong with me. Shock? Am I paralyzed? I don't know, I don't ...
December 02, 2009
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Bringin' My B-Game by Ray
There are no quotes on my calendar this month, which really caught me off guard. I'm sure there have been times that I h...
December 01, 2009
 
I Got Surprised By December Because It Is Obviously Just Like A Ninja by Ray
I'm a little surprised that it's December. More than a little surprised, actually. I wanted to have my book not only pro...
December 01, 2009
 
Eat Me, Reviewed by Ray
So...Thanksgiving is over, you're settling back into your routine, getting ready for the work week, whatever. Not compl...
November 30, 2009
 
Just Another Love Song by Ray
Her tears, that's what I can't get over. Who was it, Jerry Seinfield that made that joke? About how if all women had to...
November 27, 2009
 
Thinking Of Thanking by Ray
Technically, it is Thanksgiving here in Austin, Texas. Not many people eating turkey yet, I don't think, because it's li...
November 26, 2009
 
Radio Star (Video, Please Don't Kill Me) by Ray
Okay, holy crap you guys. You wouldn't believe how pumped up I am right now. You know how a while back I wrote a test fo...
November 24, 2009
 
Degenerates Cover by Ray
I spent a rather large portion of my weekend proofreading stories for my next book, and I think it might be taking its t...
November 23, 2009
 
Ray's Planned Parenthood PSA by Ray
I was walking around in Target tonight, looking at toys and thinking about my Christmas list. And I realized something-...
November 22, 2009
 
Bad Mood by Ray
The thing is, I was in a good mood. The day began, and I didn't feel too upset by that. The day continued on, and while...
November 20, 2009
 
Friendship, Skinned by Ray
Tell me what we're talkin', Because you need to know as much as I do. ...
November 14, 2009
 
The Aaron Tippin Moment Test by Ray
Pretty much my favorite thing about weekdays is The Charlie Hodge Halftime Show. I stumbled onto the show when I first ...
November 12, 2009
 
Fisticuffs by Ray
It's like looking into a mirror. One that doesn't show your physical self, but your insides. Not like organs and black ...
November 11, 2009
 
Update...Kind Of by Ray
Back in August, I began compiling stories for a book. I even started writing a post about it, talking about how I knew i...
November 11, 2009
 
Dripping Clouds by Ray
"Sending a kid. This is a low blow. You know that, right?" He shrugs his shoulders and rolls his eyes just a bit, a m...
November 09, 2009
 
Pictures From Home by Ray
Here are some pictures I took on my recent trip to my home town: ...
November 08, 2009
 
My Mind Wandered, And You Loved It by Ray
The other day, I'm driving down the street, like I do, and I hear a song. Something about it catches my ear, so I strain...
November 07, 2009
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Gathered Intel by Ray
So I was all excited about FOTM Quotes this month, because I have meticulously written down or typed all the messed up s...
November 05, 2009
 
It Looks Kind Of Like A Turkey Neck by Ray
So you might have noticed that I'm a running a little late this month. Well, I'm back from vacation now, and since I'm n...
November 05, 2009
 
Bee Are Bee by Ray
This news would be much more striking if I'd been posting every day, but I'm going to be out of town for a few days, so ...
October 29, 2009
 
Buy This Book (Book Review: Overqualified) by Ray
I was going to start this review out with something witty, maybe something a little dirty. Something like, "Reading Joe...
October 26, 2009
 
I've Been Thinking About The World... by Ray
...
October 26, 2009
 
Baconiffic! by Ray
Nothing incendiary tonight, kids....
October 25, 2009
 
Which Is Why I Do Everything, These Days by Ray
I did this with cropped screenshots for no particular reason at all: ...
October 22, 2009
 
She Walked In Part 11 by Ray
In the movies, this is where it the guy would lean forward and begin mumbling, and the audience would be left out. Then...
October 21, 2009
 
A Hug From Grandmother Ray by Ray
I have a secret for you, and you won't like it and neither will I. But the deal is, there is no deal. The thing is, yo...
October 18, 2009
 
Punctuation Prayer by Ray
I have a camera in my phone, and I use it to take all sorts of mundane pictures every day. So there really should be a p...
October 17, 2009
 
Something To Lie About by Ray
"What do you want?" I ask. "You bastard!" She screams. "You asshole!" My phone, it's a piece of crap, some puke-yello...
October 17, 2009
 
You Wanna Talk by Ray
You wanna talk, le's talk, come on, le's get...it...ON! ...
October 13, 2009
 
Fourth Time's A Charm by Ray
I just now got brave enough to post this. I've almost posted it three times before. Each time, I write a little intro fo...
October 09, 2009
 
Oh, Yeah? Prove It. by Ray
Here's what I got: a stuffy nose; a washer full of clothes that has to be put in the dryer before bed, a glass and a hal...
October 07, 2009
 
A Toast by Ray
He slams the shot glass down so hard that it sounds like a firecracker. But it doesn't break. You gotta tilt it a littl...
October 05, 2009
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Blood Sacrifice by Ray
Here's something you might not know: Any time you have blood taped to your desk, you're going to lose the argument. Any...
October 02, 2009
 
Boo! Seriously, Though. Boo. by Ray
Here we are, in October. Are you enjoying it? I hope so. I'm a little angry about it, to tell you the truth. I know I...
October 01, 2009
 
The Key To Life by Ray
...
September 28, 2009
 
Ray's Chorizo Adventure by Ray
I had to go to the supermarket today to pick up some stuff. While I was there, I got transfixed by the various meats i...
September 27, 2009
 
No Hero by Ray
"You know, I always thought I'd be more." "More? Like what?" "I don't know. Like, I thought that one day, I'd do so...
September 26, 2009
 
Broken Love by Ray
She keeps asking why, and I wish she would stop. Why why why? And I don't have an answer for her. Not a good one, anywa...
September 25, 2009
 
All This For A Question by Ray
I'm not a big fan of getting haircuts. The last time I went to get one was just before my job interview. I took the lit...
September 24, 2009
 
Day Job by Ray
The ice-cold gin settles in, washing my insides like a cool spring rain at the end of a dusty day
and i...
September 22, 2009
 
Trust Me by Ray
...
September 20, 2009
 
Websites: Plotbot And Library Thing by Ray
I woke up early this morning. Determined. I had a plan. I went to bed early on a Friday night specifically so I could wa...
September 20, 2009
 
The Solution by Ray
So I don't guess I've ever gotten around to telling you guys what my job is. I work at a print shop. Kind of. Actually,...
September 17, 2009
 
Scroll Down To Skip The Whining by Ray
If you're a regular reader, you might assume that I write about pretty much everything that goes on in my life, no matt...
September 13, 2009
 
Just So You Know by Ray
I still remember. ...
September 11, 2009
 
Party Stalker by Ray
He keeps telling me he'll do it. He keeps telling us all. I'll do it, I'll do it! I'm crazy! Over and over again, any...
September 10, 2009
 
Pictures Of Things by Ray
Hey gang, how's your Labor Day weekend going? Good? Good, I hope. I sat around all day today, not really getting anythin...
September 07, 2009
 
6 P.M. Friday by Ray
The anger doesn't last, and for just a moment, that feels like the worst part--that I don't get to hold on to the anger...
September 06, 2009
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: No Apologies by Ray
This is the space I would generally use to apologize for the scarcity of First-Of-The-Month Quotes. But screw it. I'm bu...
September 01, 2009
 
Good Ole September by Ray
You might have noticed it is September. I used to mark the month of September with the cooling temperatures, the beginni...
September 01, 2009
 
Another Sunday Night In Paradise by Ray
...
August 31, 2009
 
Last Of The Month Rambling: Twitter by Ray
Last day of the month, there's no way I'm going to post something worthwhile. As I've mentioned before, almost all of th...
August 30, 2009
 
Pole Patrol--Coming This Fall To ABC by Ray
I made a mistake tonight. One that I have never made before. I wrote an entire post using only the story entry form. And...
August 29, 2009
 
Family Time With Pippi by Ray
I'm not really allowed to write stuff on this site about my friends and family, but sometimes I disregard the rules and ...
August 28, 2009
 
Fragile Hate by Ray
i know i've asked before, but i never remember your answer, and i'm just now realizing it's because i don't care. do yo...
August 25, 2009
 
Flash Forward by Ray
Flashes. Of vision, of smell, of noise. What happened? What is happening? The panic builds up inside of me, no release,...
August 24, 2009
 
Bumper Stickers by Ray
I'm not what you'd call a cheerful person under the best of times. Spending an hour in traffic after working all day doe...
August 21, 2009
 
If I--Learn Life Lessons And Palindromes by Ray
I was emailed a YouTube link tonight. Demetri Martin. The text message sent to inform me of the email (because we live i...
August 20, 2009
 
Turns Out They Love Cats, Too by Ray
...
August 19, 2009
 
Plastic Souls by Ray
Slick listening and heartburn heart-to-hearts, Anyone can pretend to care. Lead-painted love, Destroying under the in...
August 16, 2009
 
A Book, Reviewed: Fighting To Survive by Ray
One of the few stipulations I made when I got my job a while back was that I would not eat 88-cent hotdogs. See, I've b...
August 15, 2009
 
20 Things I Have Recently Hated by Ray
Author's Note: This post shows that it was written on the 13th, but that's because our server is weird. Rest assured tha...
August 13, 2009
 
Hate, Interrupted by Ray
Getting home from work to a hot-ass apartment? Check. Going to a math class and staring with glazed-eye confusion for t...
August 12, 2009
 
Kung Fu Taco by Ray
I woke up puking yesterday. Last night, I drank some NyQuil and went to bed. Shortly before, I texted Trey and told him ...
August 11, 2009
 
We're All Weeners by Ray
I'll tell you one thing kids: you sit down at the same desk, you turn on the same song, you feel the fan blow on your a...
August 10, 2009
 
Hate Week 2009 Postcards by Ray
I finally managed to get a few Hate Week 2009 postcards printed. I had originally planned on getting them printed by a ...
August 09, 2009
 
I Hate Browser Issues by Ray
All right. So the site has been acting a little hinky lately, probably due to the fact that I've been telling pretty mu...
August 09, 2009
 
Short Tempered by Ray
I want to talk to you about something tonight, kids. Before I do, I want to assure you that Hate Week isn't going to be...
August 07, 2009
 
Like Santa, But With A Different Kind Of Sack by Ray
So it's about 87 degrees in my apartment right now, and my air conditioner doesn't give a damn. I've been doing math ho...
August 06, 2009
 
I Need A New Dream Catcher by Ray
You know what sucks? People who tell you about their dreams. I mean the dreams they have at night, not like their goals...
August 04, 2009
 
Happily Ever After by Ray
Who am I? It doesn't matter. You want to call me something, you can call me Jack, I guess. That's what they call me at ...
August 03, 2009
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Meager Offering by Ray
This was one of those rare months where I actually went out and did things. You know, stepped away from my computer and ...
August 01, 2009
 
Break Out The Party Hats And Hand Grenades by Ray
Usually, I don't get too excited about writing the first "News" post of the month. Like, if this site was a porn movie, ...
August 01, 2009
 
But Your Names Are Too Hard To Spell by Ray
Oh. Oh, yes. ...
July 29, 2009
 
Thinking Ink by Ray
I went into a tattoo parlor today. Aside from the woman with the ink gun and the guy she was tatting up, there were two ...
July 28, 2009
 
Sometimes by Ray
...
July 27, 2009
 
Counted Steps by Ray
It's like this game we play, but it isn't a game, and both of us know it. It's a thing, a thing like Russian Roulette, ...
July 26, 2009
 
Concussed by Ray
I wrote this longhand in a spiral notebook, using a pencil. I figured that if I was lucid enough when I got home, I woul...
July 22, 2009
 
One Of Those Nights by Ray
...
July 17, 2009
 
Conversations Through Text Message: Traffic by Ray
Fuck. Stuck in stop-and-go traffic. 3 miles an hour. Nobody is ever available to talk during rush hour. Why is that? ...
July 15, 2009
 
Experiments In Energy Vol. 6: Drank by Ray
I'd like to introduce you to someone. ...
July 14, 2009
 
Experiments In Energy Vol. 5: Bawls Again (Sugar-Free And G33K B33R) by Ray
I originally wrote this on Thursday, and I wanted to read over it before I posted it. Then I forgot all about it. I was ...
July 13, 2009
 
I Gotcher Tip Danglin' by Ray
I got pizza tonight. I ordered it online, and then I drove to pick it up. When I got there, the guy behind the counter...
July 11, 2009
 
Lissen Fuh Show by Ray
Look man, most of the shit I say on this website, it's better if you ignore it. But sometimes, there are things like the...
July 09, 2009
 
Haunted by Ray
I know you guys don't read the poetry around here, which is why I decided to stick it on top of pictures. ...
July 07, 2009
 
Kept Words by Ray
...
July 06, 2009
 
Experiments In Energy Vol. 4: Bawls by Ray
Considering that I'll try just about any energy drink I can get my hands on, and considering how crude and juvenile my ...
July 05, 2009
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Slight Delay by Ray
Wow.The 3rd. This is the latest I've been with the Quotes since they became official. So instead of some lengthy intro, ...
July 03, 2009
 
Slight Update by Ray
I am at Burger King eating Burger Shots. They are not very good at all, but I'm mostly here for the air conditioning ...
July 02, 2009
 
Oh, It's July Now by Ray
Hey, gang, here's July. I got it for you. Because I care about each and every one of you. Normally, I'd post whatever...
July 01, 2009
 
R.I.P. And F.U., M.J. by Ray
You probably didn't know this, ...
June 26, 2009
 
What Has Two Thumbs And A Job? by Ray
...
June 25, 2009
 
A Snippet Of My Day Via Text Message--Interview by Ray
...
June 24, 2009
 
Felt by Ray
The bad part is, like the really shit thing, is that people don't understand. Which means they don't believe. You ca...
June 23, 2009
 
Or So The Thinking Goes... by Ray
oh. ...
June 22, 2009
 
Father's Day by Ray
Happy Father's Day to all of you dads out there--way to not be smart enough to wrap that shit up, or at least pull out. ...
June 22, 2009
 
3 A.M. Pep Talk by Ray
The thing is, it's 3:30 in the morning, and I've been staring at this computer for about sixteen hours now. The thing i...
June 19, 2009
 
Pink Towel by Ray
A while back, I did a picture strip thi...
June 18, 2009
 
Excuses And Pictures by Ray
So...been a while, huh? Believe it or not, I actually have legit reasons for my absence and lack of posts. And, no, i...
June 16, 2009
 
Notorious by Ray
My mom once asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I was eleven years old at the time, and we were driving throu...
June 09, 2009
 
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 by Ray
I? We or us? Did you see? Did you lie, too? Take away your lost soul. Find mine. Dirty tears. Drink, drink, drink. D...
June 08, 2009
 
best buy by Ray
I'll sell you my soul for ...
June 08, 2009
 
Portly News by Ray
This isn't a new Portly Boy story, so if that's what you were expecting, you're out of luck. This is a post telling you ...
June 07, 2009
 
Twitter by Ray
I was recently trying to describe to some of my family what Twitter was about and why people are going all crazy about i...
June 06, 2009
 
Three Words: Dragon. Cock. Dildos. by Ray
Don't ask me how, but the other night, I came across a w...
June 06, 2009
 
Fun With Math by Ray
So classes have started, and this was my first week of summer school. I'm only taking two classes, and then I'll be fini...
June 05, 2009
 
Heck Yeah, I Am by Ray
During my morning ritual of looking through the ads on craigslist, I c...
June 04, 2009
 
Bed Time by Ray
Uhg. You know what's stupid? Going to bed early. I hate it. I looked at the clock a while ago, and I thought to myself,...
June 02, 2009
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Dirty Is Relative by Ray
I don't know what the hell I was doing at my desk through the month of May, but it was obviously disgusting. My calendar...
June 01, 2009
 
Say Goodbye To A Dry Ass-Crack by Ray
So...June. This is the month when life in Austin pretty much starts to suck nads. Everything is hot and wet--not like a...
June 01, 2009
 
Proposal by Ray
As long as you look at me like ...
May 31, 2009
 
Political Pep Talk by Ray
It's midnight, I'm hot, and my air conditioner doesn't work. I blame Obama for the broken air conditioner. Since befo...
May 28, 2009
 
Park Bench by Ray
Usually, I would just link back to this original post, but when I finally tracked it down tonight, I saw that it was all...
May 25, 2009
 
Justified Solace by Ray
I hate this place. I hate it. What a bunch of freaks. With their hate disguised as love, and their disgust disgu...
May 20, 2009
 
Not Worth It by Ray
For a recent story, I needed to know how long it took to perform an abortion. I meant the medical procedure, but that's ...
May 18, 2009
 
Lost In Thought by Ray
I wrote this a while back. Probably last weeks sometime, I don't know. I didn't post it at the time because I thought th...
May 16, 2009
 
Beyond Casual by Ray
Darren sits on the cement steps in front of his house, and to the casual observer, he looks the same as he always does ...
May 15, 2009
 
Thank You, Julia Dales by Ray
There are a lot of things in life that I need more of. Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. Dollars. Elastic pants. You know w...
May 14, 2009
 
Bad News (Portly Boy pt. 72) by Ray
"I need a favor." "I told you," Mandy said, "There is no way I'm doing that." I felt a familiar stirring in my crot...
May 13, 2009
 
Stick It by Ray
I was looking at a Batman comic today--a collection from the 30's and 40's, when he was brand new--and realized that al...
May 12, 2009
 
Do Robots Dream Of The Electric Boogaloo? by Ray
...
May 08, 2009
 
Broken by Ray
"I don't..." The tears make it hard to form a complete sentence. Well, not so much the tears, but the sobbing, the runn...
May 06, 2009
 
2% Milk by Ray
Don't... ...
May 02, 2009
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: This Is More Like It by Ray
Remember last month when we didn't have any First Of The Month Quotes? That sucked. We don't have that problem this mont...
May 01, 2009
 
It's Not An Excuse, It's News by Ray
Welcome to May, everybody. Be honest--you weren't sure if I was gonna make it, were you? Well, here I am, and here yo...
May 01, 2009
 
Bad Haiku In Under A Minute by Ray
It's stupid, I know, But sometimes, I really wis...
April 23, 2009
 
Enjoy A Bargain...Please by Ray
We aren't real big about advertising around here. Basically, we pimp our own little products and that's it. And even the...
April 20, 2009
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: A Billion And Two by Ray
There are a billion th...
April 17, 2009
 
Sometimes... by Ray
You look around, right? Search through old files, skim through internet pages, whatever. Grab your phone and scroll thr...
April 16, 2009
 
Dear Karen, by Ray
Where have you been? Did the government get you? Because I know you were talking about the job with the census people. D...
April 13, 2009
 
Consequences by Ray
Mink didn't want to wake up. Wouldn't have, except for the throbbing in his head and the twisting in his gut. He grabbe...
April 12, 2009
 
Spiders & Candy by Ray
I was supposed to be taking a nap. I didn't get any sleep last night, and I've got a ton of stuff to do tonight, so I wa...
April 08, 2009
 
I Went For This Walk... by Ray
I just finished writing a couple of pretty big pieces, so I'm taking a break from the serious story-telling for the ni...
April 07, 2009
 
Hidden Treasure by Ray
I started this story a while back, when I accepted an odd sort of a challenge. A friend of mine came up with three rando...
April 05, 2009
 
A Snippet Of My Day, Via Text Message by Ray
...
April 03, 2009
 
First-Of-The-Month-Quotes by Ray
You know how some websites do a practical joke on April Fool's Day? Like they'll change the whole layout or post a messa...
April 01, 2009
 
Acting A Fool by Ray
So it's April. Like you didn't know. I find April interesting mostly because it's the beginning of the name-after months...
April 01, 2009
 
Spilled Things by Ray
Cheap liquor, greasy in the reflected light, splashed carelessly into a shot glass and pushed over scarred wood, throug...
March 29, 2009
 
Health Hazards by Ray
"So this is how it's gonna go?" She asks. "This is how you're going to en...
March 29, 2009
 
Site Update And Other News by Ray
You may have noticed lately that the site has been loading kind of slow. There's a technical reason for this, and Trey e...
March 27, 2009
 
Talking About The Weather by Ray
I was talking to my sister earlier, and I told her that my princess and I went for a walk yesterday and almost got caug...
March 26, 2009
 
thePortmobile by Ray
...
March 25, 2009
 
Experiments In Energy Vol. 3: Rockstar Energy Drink by Ray
...
March 23, 2009
 
Spring Break by Ray
You may have noticed that I haven't been posting much lately in the last week. Spring Break. Usually, this break mean...
March 22, 2009
 
Death Of A Team Member (Portly Boy pt. 71) by Ray
...
March 16, 2009
 
A Snippet Of My Day, Via Tex by Ray
...
March 15, 2009
 
Turtle...Top Hat...Sword... by Ray
Towards the end of last year, a friend of mine began harping on me because I wasn't writing as much on The Strangelands ...
March 12, 2009
 
Truth In Murder by Ray
I don't know why I decided to be a killer. I was bored, mostly, and I know how terrible that sounds, but thatís what it...
March 10, 2009
 
Change Your Clock by Ray
God help you if you're relying on me to keep you from messing up, but don't forget to change your clock, if you live in ...
March 09, 2009
 
Lame-Ass Movie Review: The Watchmen by Ray
I went and watched the movie Watchmen yesterday. I was trying to be responsible and watch my online lectures, but the p...
March 08, 2009
 
Because Friends Pass Out by Ray
Hey man, what's up, what's goin' on? What, as they say, are the haps? You don't know and neither do I, and as much as...
March 05, 2009
 
Trying To Bore Myself Sleepy by Ray
Every morning, I wake up and tell myself that Iím going to start going to bed earlier. Because honestly, what the hell ...
March 04, 2009
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Good Times by Ray
Typing out First-Of-The-Month Quotes makes me happy. It's easy, because the stuff is already written down, so I don't ha...
March 01, 2009
 
Well, At Least We Get To Drown Our Sorrows In Booze by Ray
So March, huh? I don't have a lot to say about March, really. I mean, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't kind of glad it's...
March 01, 2009
 
A Single Night by Ray
I hear the music before I open the door to the building. Shit. "Hey!" he yells from his bedroom. "No, dude. ...
February 28, 2009
 
Will Work For Purell by Ray
I mentioned a while back that I was going to try to write something for each section this month. I thought the difficul...
February 28, 2009
 
Flowers For Natalie by Ray
I wrote this story for an internet friend. Her birthday is coming up, and I let her pick three words and/or phrases to i...
February 25, 2009
 
Unacceptable Risk by Ray
On my way home from school, I was going to stop and get the mail. I was listening to a mix CD I made like ten years ago,...
February 23, 2009
 
A Snippet Of My Day, Via Text by Ray
...
February 19, 2009
 
Slightly Bitter by Ray
One a.m. rolls around and memories roll in, and whiskey rolls down the throat. Headphones on, blocking out the world, ...
February 17, 2009
 
Retrospective by Ray
...
February 16, 2009
 
One Day by Ray
Right now, it feels like a troll clawed his way through my eyes, trudged with dirty feet to the very top of my brain, a...
February 16, 2009
 
Real Time explicit scenes by Ray
The music's thub-bumpin' so hard I can feel it from the back of my eyes to the bottom of my nutsack, and the coke's kic...
February 15, 2009
 
The One by Ray
He meets her in a bar, not because he's there to hit on women, but because he just went through some stuff, some pretty...
February 13, 2009
 
2 Heart Beats pt. 27 by Ray
I wake up, and immediately know that something is different. I stand slowly, and that gives it away. In my world, you d...
February 12, 2009
 
Mixed Feelings by Ray
It isn't a smile, not exactly, because he's straining too hard to display a true smile. Sweat drips from his forehead o...
February 11, 2009
 
Don't Get Mad, Get Wii-ven by Ray
This section was originally designed to display the weird randomness pulled from the police blotter section of The Canad...
February 10, 2009
 
Understanding by Ray
"Do you know what it is to dream?" "I have dreams all the time. Just last night, I had a dream where my toilet came a...
February 07, 2009
 
Chainsaw Tears, And Orange Juice by Ray
Chainsaw tears, Ripping and cutting, Hurting. Without mercy--only noise and anger. ...
February 05, 2009
 
Ever Have One Of Those Days? by Ray
All day, I have checked to make sure my eyes aren't bleeding. In case you have ever wondered what kind of a freak I am,...
February 04, 2009
 
Because We're Starting A Line Of Toys, That's Why (Portly Boy pt. 70) by Ray
You may be wondering where me and my drunken sidekick have been. Unless, of course, you're a normal human being, with ...
February 03, 2009
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: More Confusing Than Usual by Ray
So I'm looking at my calendar, where I always write down FOTM Quotes, and there's all kinds of shit here that I don't k...
February 01, 2009
 
It's Not The Age, It's The Penis Size by Ray
Welcome to a new month, Strangelanders. February, I believe it is. I don't have much use for this month, really. I mean...
February 01, 2009
 
I Can't Remember If I showed You This by Ray
...
January 31, 2009
 
Smashed From The Past: All In My Head by Ray
As we all know, I don't try very hard this late in the month. At anything, really, but especially not when it comes to p...
January 31, 2009
 
Well Something Got Cut by Ray
I recently had the following text message conversation. ...
January 29, 2009
 
21 Thoughts by Ray
I've been trying to think up something worth ranting about, something worth writing about. Nothing has come of it. I us...
January 28, 2009
 
Out Of The Park by Ray
"Jimmy, why don't you wait up in your room, okay, buddy? Your mommy and I need to talk about some things." Jimmy nodd...
January 26, 2009
 
Getting Lucky by Ray
My show was on, and my DVR had been screwing up, so I couldnít record it. I know thatís a stupid reason, but there it i...
January 23, 2009
 
Overly Long Review: Death Race by Ray
It's called Death Race and it stars Jason Statham. If you think you're going to get an intellectual movie, you need to ...
January 21, 2009
 
44 by Ray
Inauguration Day, and I have to be honest with you--I got goose bumps listening to President Obama speak. I'm not a ...
January 20, 2009
 
She Walked In Part 9 by Ray
A long time ago, Trey started a story called She Walked In. Either because he was hoping to give other writers so...
January 19, 2009
 
Goals by Ray
Strange that a man such as you Can die. Stranger still that You live.
Sweat-sloppy romance and Mad-moon all...
January 18, 2009
 
Fat Guy Logistics by Ray
I've started like twenty short stories lately, and have yet to finish any of them. So instead of a story, you get an ins...
January 16, 2009
 
Justified Literary Misogyny (or, A Review Of As The World Dies: The First Days) by Ray
The thing is, this was almost a rant about how chick authors suck. I was going to generalize and stereotype and rant an...
January 12, 2009
 
Small Post; Big Other Things by Ray
I am going to make this short, A) because I really need to post something, but I can't think of anything good, and B) be...
January 10, 2009
 
This Is Heavy, Doc by Ray
Believe it or not, I used to be funny. I used to post on this site pretty much every day (sometimes even more than once...
January 07, 2009
 
Apple Jacks For Supper by Ray
look, man, we're all fallen stars, we're all lost rockets, we're all whores without johns and toilet stalls without graf...
January 06, 2009
 
Check Out Time by Ray
You see the scars, you can't help but wonder what caused them, you can't help but fill in the blanks. You can't help bu...
January 05, 2009
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Not My Fault by Ray
You're probably getting sick and tired of me writing an intro each month talking about how I don't have many FOTM Quotes...
January 02, 2009
 
Another New Year by Ray
Happy New Year, everybody. We just got back from our vacation (gone for almost two weeks), and I've got all kinds of stu...
January 01, 2009
 
Bugged by Ray
Three in the morning, just returning from a drug run to the convenience store down the street. Mucinex, throat relief sp...
December 30, 2008
 
Christmas Morning by Ray
Christmas morning, and it seems like an exceptionally noisy one, especially considering the fact that I'm the only one a...
December 25, 2008
 
Gotta Be Kidding Me by Ray
Today did not go as I had planned. At all. I have a nine-hour drive back to my home town tomorrow, and I was supposed...
December 22, 2008
 
And You Cheat At Yahtzee by Ray
Honestly, there is no honesty. We talk of bonds, or of friendship, or of love, but I'd sell you out in a second and you...
December 21, 2008
 
Holiday Help by Ray
Sometimesónot often, but sometimesóI forget about how much I hate people. Going out during the holiday season quickly r...
December 18, 2008
 
Don't Miss This Amazing Opportunity! by Ray
You have no idea how excited I've been for this moment. Ever since I told you I was writing a book about zombies, I hav...
December 15, 2008
 
Don't Let The Door Hit You In The Class On The Way Out by Ray
I'm two classes down, which means only three to go until I'm done with the semester. Which is a good thing. A while b...
December 10, 2008
 
No One Knew by Ray
a hundred started stories, a thousand lost ideas, clouds of stolen magic tickle my neck and my brain, but nothing co...
December 08, 2008
 
Conversation Through Text Message by Ray
...
December 04, 2008
 
Bicycles For Fish by Ray
"Why are you so sad?" "I'm not sad," I tell her. "Yes, you are. And you lie about it." I feel her stare on the si...
December 02, 2008
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Short As A Penis Popsicle by Ray
I was told to inform you that my friends haven't stopped being as funny, it's just that I was always either really busy...
December 01, 2008
 
Beware Of Fat Guys Who Want You To Sit On Their Lap by Ray
It's December. You know--the most wonderful time of the year. Or the hap, happiest time of the year. Some bullshit like...
December 01, 2008
 
The Exact Opposite Of Thanks by Ray
Like this, like you look out the window, and it's all beautiful, and you can barely believe that you exist in such an in...
November 29, 2008
 
Thanksgiving Eve Post by Ray
It's kind of a holiday tradition for me to stay up the night before Thanksgiving and write about sticking my hand insid...
November 27, 2008
 
Thanksgiving Came Early This Year by Ray
I gotta tell ya, kids, I'm kind of excited. Almost...cheerful. I've got a full five days before I have to go to class a...
November 26, 2008
 
Health/Site Update by Ray
I'm feeling much better, and I wanted to write a post for you tonight, but I had to get caught up on all the shit that p...
November 24, 2008
 
Feelin'Crappy by Ray
So in case you haven't heard from my mom, I've been sick again. I got sick Sunday night, on the last night of her visit,...
November 20, 2008
 
Wascally by Ray
So listen: I know it has been a while since I last posted. I had to register for classes, which involved a lot more hust...
November 16, 2008
 
Too Late by Ray
One thirty in the morning, I just finished up my most recent school project. In all fairness, I got sidetracked a little...
November 11, 2008
 
Back To "Normal" by Ray
Last night, I wrote a post whining about one of my teachers and about my future in general. It wasn't funny at all, and ...
November 10, 2008
 
Sick In More Ways Than One by Ray
So I'm still dog-puke sick, which is just really outstanding, I assure you. I got over the stomach stuff--apparently tha...
November 07, 2008
 
Time Change; Day Of The Dead: Repost by Ray
The following was originally posted on November second. Honestly, it's not even worth re-posting. But what happened was ...
November 07, 2008
 
No Surprise by Ray
Hereís a quick way to tell if your weekend is going to suck: Your princess, who is an elementary school teacher, comes ...
November 05, 2008
 
Strange Relationship explicit scenes by Ray
It isn't something we want, it's something we need. She's muttering, it's hard to understand what she's saying, with h...
November 04, 2008
 
Timed by Ray
Hey, tick toc...
November 02, 2008
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Not Many This Time, Either by Ray
Instead of an intro this month, I'm just pasting in segments of an email convers...
November 01, 2008
 
Addressing The Important Issues by Ray
So it's November. Got that Thanksgiving thing going on this month, if you live in the States. If you don't, too bad for...
November 01, 2008
 
Happy Halloween! by Ray
Hey everybody. Happy Halloween. I was hoping to get some sort of scary story written for today, but it didn't work out. ...
October 31, 2008
 
More Pictures by Ray
My first draft of this post got wiped out by a strange incident with the backspace key, and to be honest, I'm kind of gl...
October 30, 2008
 
Because Reading Sucks by Ray
Not much in the way of words tonight, but that is a-ok, because I realized I had some projects from school I hadn't show...
October 29, 2008
 
Wasted Evening by Ray
I didn't have class tonight because the instructor was sick. I was pretty pleased when I found out, not because I have a...
October 28, 2008
 
Like The Riddle Of The Sphinx by Ray
So Iíve been screwing with Dreamweaver and CSS for about eight hours straight now, and Iím pretty sure it was a mistake...
October 27, 2008
 
Happy Birthday by Ray
Here's the thing: I'm an idiot. I think we all know this by know. It's not an excuse, it's just a fact of life. Mayb...
October 24, 2008
 
Listen To The Sky by Ray
Starlight stereo, Playing songs of past memories And forgotten answers.
The world looks like cigarette smoke ...
October 24, 2008
 
About Algae by Ray
So where we at tonight, kids? You doin' all right? Doin' good? Good. My cockhole neighbors are tromping up and...
October 23, 2008
 
Not What I'm Supposed To Be Doing by Ray
I'm at that weird place where I should be asleep and I want to be asleep, but I just can't be asleep. I had to stay up l...
October 21, 2008
 
There Must Be Balance by Ray
I'm supposed to be doing homework right now. But something was bothering me. My last post. What if someone came by, like...
October 17, 2008
 
Not A Political Rant by Ray
So listen: I don't really have anything worth writing about, but I'm not sleepy. Which is weird, considering that I wok...
October 17, 2008
 
I'm Still Doing It by Ray
Okay. I want to take this moment to assure you that this site is not going to turn into an exercise log. But I generally...
October 16, 2008
 
I Did It by Ray
I got up this morning at five (okay, a little after five, but just barely). I got dressed. I brushed my teeth. And I ...
October 14, 2008
 
Tastes Like Mushroom Soup by Ray
I'll be honest with you kids--I'm not in a fantastic way at the moment. The night, it took a sinister turn at some poin...
October 14, 2008
 
Options by Ray
ďLook at you,Ē She says. ďIíd rather not,Ē I tell her, my words slurred, my eyes unfocused. ďAll hydroíd out and st...
October 13, 2008
 
Experiments In Energy Vol. 2: 5-Hour Energy by Ray
Okay, so we already know I'm a little biased against this crap, but just to show you how fair I am, and because I'm bor...
October 11, 2008
 
Experiments In Energy Vol. 1: Fusion by Ray
Well kids, it's Thursday night, and you know what that means: Science Night! What do you mean, you don't know what I'...
October 10, 2008
 
Beef Cake! by Ray
So a while back, I had this huge art project (okay, it wasnít really that huge, but it seemed like it to me because I s...
October 09, 2008
 
About Writing by Ray
The little blue light isn't mocking me, not quite, but it's getting dangerously close. I only see that little bastard w...
October 09, 2008
 
The Inevitable Post About She-Male Porn by Ray
I think you'd be lying if you said you didn't think I had seen my share of she-male porn. I also think you'd be lying i...
October 08, 2008
 
Car Trouble by Ray
"We're starting late and we're letting out early." This is where a lot of people would say that the words were music ...
October 07, 2008
 
Hey, Did You... by Ray
Did you guys register to vote yet? Did you watch that debate? And most importantly, do you really think I care? What ...
October 03, 2008
 
I'm Not Kidding (UPDATED) by Ray
There will be a new post here shortly. No, seriously. It might not be very good, but it will be here. Trust me. ... .....
October 02, 2008
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Not Many by Ray
I don't have any clever sort of introduction for the Quotes this month, and honestly, I barely even have any quotes. Bu...
October 01, 2008
 
I'm Pretty Sure There's A Fest Named After It by Ray
Man, I was just on my way to bed. You know how you get right before bed, your eyes are all tired, and you're practicall...
October 01, 2008
 
Getting Political, Strangelands-Style by Ray
I spent the day doing homework, so I don't really have anything for you to read. Except that rik texted me, so I have th...
September 29, 2008
 
Ranting Like You Won't Believe by Ray
is it daytime yet? shit no! don't even play like that, actin' like the sun's there and it's time to take action, take re...
September 28, 2008
 
Things That Make Me Laugh by Ray
I've been meaning to write this post for a while, but I keep putting it off. Which is weird, because there's really not...
September 27, 2008
 
Shooting Moonlight by Ray
we dance like we're instructed, each and every day it's like those footprints telling us where to step and dammit if we...
September 25, 2008
 
Making New Friends by Ray
Usually, I don't write about the people I go to school with. I wro...
September 24, 2008
 
Good Steak by Ray
wreck your humanity, it doesn't hurt. history, it's just another flag point, and we've all missed it. dance with me arou...
September 21, 2008
 
Like Cube Says... by Ray
Look, let's not even play around: I'm freakin' tired. I mean, I'm an idiot for even being awake right now, and sitting ...
September 16, 2008
 
Keyboard Threat by Ray
So I did a search of our website, using that little Google thing up in the upper-left corner of the page, and discovered...
September 15, 2008
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: In Something by Ray
Autumn nights, beer bottles in hand, Air crisp with the smell of fallen leaves And anticipation Of promise or heartbr...
September 14, 2008
 
All In My Head by Ray
The numbers, theyíre out to get me, I can tell. Donít tell me no, what, are you in on it with them? I knew, by the w...
September 13, 2008
 
Whining...Just Straight-Up Whining by Ray
Iíve already whined about being busy, so weíll just skip over that part for tonight. Weíre all busy, it seems like late...
September 12, 2008
 
The Day After Yesterday by Ray
Morning. ...
September 07, 2008
 
Anotha Audio Assault by Ray
I mentioned at the first of the month that rik and I did a little recording. I think I have something like two hours of ...
September 06, 2008
 
Work'n 4 Da Man by Ray
3:20. In case you're wondering, that's a.m., as in the morning. A surprising twist: ...
September 05, 2008
 
Project Pictures by Ray
Once again, I find myself too busy to write a proper post, and have to resort to using pictures of my school work in ord...
September 03, 2008
 
Adjustable by Ray
Too much. The thought has gone through her head before, many times in her life, but it has never been ...
September 02, 2008
 
First-Of-The-Month-Quotes: Disturbing by Ray
I was a little worried about the First Of The Month Quotes this month. It was like mid-August, and I only had one or tw...
September 01, 2008
 
September, Changes by Ray
As a child, I had a love/hate relationship with September. On the one hand, it meant that school started, and that made...
September 01, 2008
 
Hate Week Shirt Reminder by Ray
I just wanted to remind everyone that I will soon be taking the Hate Week shirt out of our shirt shop (I'd add a link to...
August 30, 2008
 
To Pass The Time by Ray
Been a busy, busy week, kids, and it doesnít look like itís going to slow down any in the months to come. Quite the opp...
August 29, 2008
 
My First Project Of The New Semester by Ray
So I went back to school today, and the two classes I went to were pretty rockin'. Not sure how tomorrow's going to be, ...
August 26, 2008
 
Back To School (Again) by Ray
School starts tomorrow. In eleven hours, I will be hauling my tired ass into class for another semester of humiliation....
August 25, 2008
 
So Tired by Ray
One of those days, kids, which is strange, because it really shouldnít have been. Yesterdayís plan: Do some laundry, ea...
August 22, 2008
 
Poser: Eighth Grade by Ray
Junior High, and fuck me if it wasn't worse than anything I've had to deal with in adulthood. Third grade was worse, of...
August 20, 2008
 
Because I Really Need To Post Something by Ray
Every time I go a few days without posting something, it feels like Iíve gone weeks. This is probably due to some stran...
August 18, 2008
 
That Kind by Ray
She asked, What kind of monster are you. Iím the kind of monster who comes to your home in broad daylight, with...
August 16, 2008
 
I Realized Two Things Today by Ray
1) That I liked Crystal Pepsi. It was clear but it tasted like PepsiÖkind of. I mean, itís not like it was world...
August 15, 2008
 
Drunk On Whine by Ray
I wrote this last night while deep in my cups, but didnít want to post it for fear that instead of being funny or ent...
August 14, 2008
 
I'd Be A Terrible Olympian by Ray
(A post dedicated to my sister Leslie--the biggest fan of the Olympics ever) Gymnastics... That one girl just ke...
August 13, 2008
 
The Last Of My Hate Week Pictures by Ray
With Hate Week winding down (only another 24 hours or so until it's over for the year), I figured I'd go ahead and post ...
August 12, 2008
 
20 Things I Hate by Ray
Hate Week isnít all about me bitching about my car catching on fire and me having to deal with scumbag car salesmen. Ití...
August 12, 2008
 
Relationships Are Hard Work by Ray
Whispered wishes into make-believe ears, almost as pointless as throwing hard-earned cash into a well. The dark hides h...
August 11, 2008
 
Going To Ft. Worth by Ray
I will be back shortly. rik is supposed to post while I'm gone, but she's terribly unreliable, and probably won't. I'm j...
August 09, 2008
 
Drawings And Screenshots by Ray
What sucks is that itís Hate Weekómy time to shineóand Iím too busy gathering source material to write any of it down. ...
August 08, 2008
 
Hate Week T-Shirt by Ray
It was recently suggested that we use each monthís tagline on a limited-time t-shirt in our shirt shop. For example, th...
August 08, 2008
 
A Song For Hate Week by Ray
This is making the rounds on the internet today, so some of you may have already seen it. But in case you haven't, and i...
August 07, 2008
 
Why? (A Hate Week Rant) by Ray
I get asked a lot why I would start and/or continue something like Hate Week. ďA lotĒ being relative, of course, consid...
August 07, 2008
 
On The First Day Of Hate Week... by Ray
I was in the shower this morning when I remembered that today is the first day of Hate Week. I have some pictures made ...
August 06, 2008
 
Gillette's New Slogan by Ray
Guess what yesterday was, kids! If you guessed Monday, youíre partially right. Also, August 4th would have worked fo...
August 05, 2008
 
Neverending Staircase by Ray
Overwhelming is an understatement. Itís not a cloud, itís not a waveóitís just everything, all of the sudden. She tol...
August 04, 2008
 
Good Morning, Sunday by Ray
I decided to try to be a regular human and go to bed last night. I did that thing like regular people do, where they re...
August 03, 2008
 
On Procreating by Ray
Since my princess got her wisdom teeth removed, Iíve spent a lot of time watching TV. I try to keep her in bed most of ...
August 02, 2008
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Sharing by Ray
The first of the month is a time for sharing. Sharing our experiences and our love all the nasty, messed up shit...
August 01, 2008
 
August Sucks by Ray
I totally forgot it was time for a new issue until I saw Lynne Greyís latest post and saw that it was dated August 1st....
August 01, 2008
 
Also, I Saw Donald Trump Cologne by Ray
Ah, what a day. Iím not entirely sure what I had expected, but Iím pretty sure it didnít go according to plan. I slept ...
July 30, 2008
 
How To Post by Ray
In the comment section of another post, someone asked about a FAQ section to answer questions about posting. I'll talk t...
July 28, 2008
 
Why I Haven't Been Posting by Ray
So you may have noticed a lack of posts around here the last few days. There are a few reasons for this, but the main o...
July 27, 2008
 
Dreams Of A Better World by Ray
In case you were wondering what I just got through doing, I just got through reading all about kangaroos. Not so much b...
July 23, 2008
 
Live And Learn by Ray
You learn things as you fumble through life, you know? You learn stuff about the world youíre fumbling through and you ...
July 20, 2008
 
My Review Of The Dark Knight by Ray
I just got back from watching the new Batman movie. If you havenít seen it yet, I suggest you run out and do that. Righ...
July 18, 2008
 
One Big Word Too Many by Ray
Childhood hallucinations gone awry. Iím not well into my cups just yet, but I will be shortly, and nothingís going to s...
July 17, 2008
 
What's In A Name? by Ray
I know we all get spam in our email boxes, and most of us probably get the same kind, so itís not really worth writing ...
July 15, 2008
 
Sunday, Again by Ray
The sun sets. The sky blazes like a spilled rainbow, violet inkblots of clouds splashed across dazzling streaks of oran...
July 14, 2008
 
Tell It by Ray
Tell me you want me. Tell me you need me. Tell me you love me. Her mouth doesnít say it, but her eyes do. Desper...
July 12, 2008
 
Last Words by Ray
ďYou know, right? About the drugs and the counterfeiting thing and the debit card scam?Ē ďYeah, man, I know.Ē ďAnd ...
July 11, 2008
 
Your Bananas, Give Me Them by Ray
Damn and damn and damn. I got no new story, nothing interesting to say, and I already used up my bad poetry thing for th...
July 10, 2008
 
Bedtime Story by Ray
I had this dream last night. I was walking through a hallway, and I came upon a dimly-lit room. There was nothing but a...
July 09, 2008
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: When A Million Isn't Enough by Ray
In a million words or less, Tell me how Iíve found you, How Iíve helped you, How Iíve loved you.
In a millio...
July 09, 2008
 
Karen's Alcoholism by Ray
Man, I had really planned to spend some time writing a quality post tonight, but just before I began, I remembered that...
July 07, 2008
 
8 Up by Ray
Believe it or not, I do sometimes self-censor. I wrote this last night/this morning, mostly out of my mind. I woke up an...
July 06, 2008
 
Control Z by Ray
They go, ďClear!Ē They go, ďGet away!Ē And I wish that I could. Something like lightening hitting me in the chest, an...
July 05, 2008
 
Happy Fourth Of July by Ray
Happy Fourth of July, Strangelanders. I hope youíre all out getting drunk and catching things on fire right now, as you...
July 04, 2008
 
Art Student by Ray
Began writing in class: Brain-worn and glassy-eyed. Didnít sleep much last night, and when I dozed, it was a restless...
July 03, 2008
 
What I Got by Ray
I don't really have anything ready for your viewing/reading pleasure tonight, but since I've really been trying hard to ...
July 02, 2008
 
Air Strangelands by Ray
I was messing around with Photoshop today, and decided to make an ďAir StrangelandsĒ logo to go with the First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Let's Get It On! by Ray
The worst part of the First-Of-The-Month Quotes is writing an introduction for them. Because itís really unimportant, a...
July 01, 2008
 
Upright Position, Indeed by Ray
Hello, and welcome to July. Thank you for choosing The Strangelands as your carrier, and we hope you enjoy you your tri...
July 01, 2008
 
Room For Writing by Ray
All right, weíre done moving. We went to do our apartment walk-through today, but there was no one in-charge enough to ...
June 30, 2008
 
Also, I Might Get A Haircut! by Ray
I'm finishing off my move this weekend, in case you're wondering why no update yesterday. Yes, I realize I've been movin...
June 28, 2008
 
Stained Collar by Ray
With all due respect to hurt:
WhatÖlove? Shit. I been there. Her name was Candy, but she wasnít near as swee...
June 26, 2008
 
Shirt Shop Update by Ray
Hey gang,I put up a couple new designs in the shirt shop. You can go over there if you want to see what I put them on (I...
June 25, 2008
 
Like That by Ray
Like what? Like lighting through my soul, man. Sheís moving out there, on the dance floor, under the flashing lights an...
June 24, 2008
 
Placeholder by Ray
There was supposed to be a post here. Carey had one going on, but it timed out, and erased all her stuff. The moral ...
June 23, 2008
 
My Day Went Like This: by Ray
Itís been kind of a strange day. Not incredibly odd, but a littleÖoff. I dropped my princess off at her school, and as ...
June 21, 2008
 
Serenity In Commercialism by Ray
I went out onto my deck this morning with a cup of coffee. I donít particularly like taking coffee outside on the deck ...
June 20, 2008
 
Because I'll Post Anything by Ray
So Iíve got shit for writing ideas tonight. Normally, Iíd just cop out and post a lousy poem, but since I did that last...
June 20, 2008
 
Ashes, Ashes by Ray
We all fall, like angels crashing to the ground from a broken whiskey bottle, with handfuls of glass. We donít know how ...
June 19, 2008
 
News From The (Store) Front by Ray
Depending on how astute you are, you may have noticed our new wall of pimping over on the right side of the main page....
June 17, 2008
 
Bathroom Humor by Ray
You know how sometimes I write about abusing my penis? Itís time for another one of those stories. I bought some new...
June 16, 2008
 
Dear Lauren, by Ray
You should know better by now. You really should. I don't know if it was the wine, or if you just got caught up in the e...
June 15, 2008
 
Home, Alone by Ray
I'm in the middle of moving, so I haven't really been writing. I had to do something with the time I didn't have interne...
June 14, 2008
 
No Internet by Ray
Posting via cell phone sucks. Go screw, Time Warner. Bastards....
June 13, 2008
 
Things Explained by Ray
True story: Iím at class this one time, and the teacher is telling us about some new reality show, I think it might h...
June 12, 2008
 
Lost by Ray
Her hair dances in the wind, as beautiful as a childís surprised giggle. She was out of the car and into the field bef...
June 11, 2008
 
Could Be Worse by Ray
Another Sunday night, accompanied by the familiar feeling of unease that has followed me since childhood. Man, I hate...
June 09, 2008
 
A Conversation In Target by Ray
ďI might be a bad person.Ē ďWhy do you say that?Ē ďI donít knowójust little things I do. Like, you know how ther...
June 08, 2008
 
Sometimes Geeks Are More Pathetic Than You Think by Ray
I like the internet. Sometimes, Iíll just sit around thinking about how wonderful and amazing it is. You ever do that...
June 08, 2008
 
Eat Fresh by Ray
I went to Subway the other day for a sandwich. The bad service you get at the Subway in my neighborhood is legendary....
June 07, 2008
 
2 x 4 by Ray
I had to buy some shoes today. Mine are all worn out, and they constantly squeak, like Iím comic relief in a spy movi...
June 06, 2008
 
Contemplating by Ray
1:30 in the morning, my breath tastes horrible. Not tired, but I know I should go to bed. Drunk girls, playing in the...
June 05, 2008
 
Pointless by Ray
Alarms ringing in his head, and no matter how many times he hits the clock or answers the phone, the ringing continue...
June 04, 2008
 
You Gotta Be Kidding Me by Ray
You remember a while back, when I did that picture of a A Lot Of Wasted Time UPDATED by Ray
Since my last post was a little hardcore and unpleasant, I decided to lighten up a little bit with this one. Iím back i...
June 03, 2008
 
Public Service Announcement: Drugs by Ray
I was just reading through my hometown newspaper, and I saw something that bothered me. It bothered me enough that I d...
June 02, 2008
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Here Ya Go by Ray
I canít think of a clever way to introduce the FOTM quotes, so Iím just going to give them to you:
ďI donít wa...
June 01, 2008
 
Juuuuuuuuuune! It's Here. by Ray
Welcome to June, Strangelanders. I spent the day moving to my new apartment and clothes shopping with my princess. Itís...
June 01, 2008
 
ShotGone by Ray
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May 30, 2008
 
Drawing Conclusions by Ray
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May 29, 2008
 
Palace Picture by Ray
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May 27, 2008
 
I Hate Ikea by Ray
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May 27, 2008
 
The One That Got Away by Ray
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May 25, 2008
 
My Childhood: The Bed by Ray
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May 23, 2008
 
Train Ride by Ray
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May 21, 2008
 
Starting The Day With A Bang by Ray
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May 16, 2008
 
Quick Trip by Ray
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May 16, 2008
 
Text Message Messings by Ray
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May 16, 2008
 
Confession by Ray
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May 16, 2008
 
Communication, Community, And Cutting by Ray
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May 15, 2008
 
Proof by Ray
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May 12, 2008
 
Deserving Of The Talk by Ray
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May 09, 2008
 
That Was My Day by Ray
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May 08, 2008
 
Knowledge by Ray
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May 06, 2008
 
A Bit About A Few Things by Ray
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May 04, 2008
 
Urge To Kill...Fading by Ray
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May 02, 2008
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Brought To You On The First by Ray
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May 01, 2008
 
I'll Take Months That Rhyme With Badasses for 200, Alex by Ray
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May 01, 2008
 
Just One Picture by Ray
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April 30, 2008
 
A Bedtime Story For A Disobedient Child updated by Ray
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April 27, 2008
 
Muddy Tears by Ray
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April 27, 2008
 
Some Sort Of Drunken Rant by Ray
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April 23, 2008
 
It's Earth Day Again by Ray
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April 22, 2008
 
1 Ĺ Dreams by Ray
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April 22, 2008
 
School Project: Movie Poster by Ray
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April 20, 2008
 
Soul Graffiti by Ray
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April 18, 2008
 
A Faster Return by Ray
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April 13, 2008
 
Life, Deleted by Ray
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April 12, 2008
 
Mid-Morning Observation by Ray
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April 11, 2008
 
The Mess by Ray
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April 11, 2008
 
School Project: Teddy Bears by Ray
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April 10, 2008
 
Someone Read Portly Boy! by Ray
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April 10, 2008
 
A Period Piece by Ray
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April 09, 2008
 
Nipped In The Bud...Or Something by Ray
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April 08, 2008
 
Dream Speak by Ray
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April 04, 2008
 
Perceptual Reality by Ray
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April 02, 2008
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Professionally Creepy by Ray
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April 02, 2008
 
(Insert Witty Title Here) by Ray
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April 01, 2008
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: While You Were Away by Ray
While You Were Away I took a drink Of angry ice cubes And soggy gin. Stars burned out, And love...
March 30, 2008
 
Spybot and More About That Punch by Ray
Before I get into any sort or ambling tonight, I have to give huge props to rik & Ray Converse by Ray
Okay, so I finally managed to get a story finished. Itís damn long, though, so Iím going to wait until next month to p...
March 27, 2008
 
Childish Things by Ray
Sometimes I wonder if I was ever normal. I think back to my childhood, and it seems pretty normal, but then it occurs t...
March 21, 2008
 
Those Nights by Ray
It isnít always lonely in the dark. Sometimes the shadows keep me company, the night sounds keep me thinking. But ther...
March 20, 2008
 
Tired, But Not Tired Enough by Ray
Sorry, kidsóanother day down, and I still havenít finished any stories. Iím trying, I really am. Real life has been ha...
March 19, 2008
 
Happy St. Patrick's Day by Ray
Hey, Ray, itís been a while since you whined about some sort of health problem. What gives? Well, since you ...
March 17, 2008
 
Why I Love Photoshop by Ray
I recently bought Adobe Photoshop. Iíve heard that you can do the same stuff with open source software like
March 17, 2008
 
Things I Never Needed To Know by Ray
ďHow long do sperm live?Ē This is how conversations start when you have friends like mine. The tragic part is, a sim...
March 16, 2008
 
A Conversation With rik by Ray
I sent rik a couple of pictures that I had been working on in Photoshopóone of a nastier version of the Something Smells Funny by Ray
Back in the old days, I probably would have just tacked this down in the comment section like I...
March 14, 2008
 
The Ferret Story by Ray
Okay, this is going to be a let down, due to all the Sidetracked by Ray
We have this candle, I donít know where it came from, but itís been sitting there on the shelf for a while, now, ...
March 12, 2008
 
Price Of Admitting by Ray
I never thought Iíd be that guy. Iíve seen them before, maybe sitting in a booth at IHOP, over ignored cups of coffee,...
March 11, 2008
 
Another Bear Story by Ray
You know how Iím always whining about not being tough enough? I was looking through my old footlocker this afternoon an...
March 08, 2008
 
Whispers Under The Stars by Ray
We drop the wrong habits; We learn to leave the things that donít make us money, That donít get us ahead in life. ...
March 07, 2008
 
Something's In The Air by Ray
Itís already time for another Photoshop project. This time, itís logos. Weíre still in the beginning stages, where we...
March 06, 2008
 
I Don't Care A Lot, But More Than I Thought by Ray
When I first started this semester, the instructor of my digital imaging class went on and on about how there were goin...
March 04, 2008
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Painful Omissions by Ray
The worst thing about this monthís First-Of-The-Month quotes is that Iíve had to omit some of them. There were several...
March 01, 2008
 
Happy MaróDammit! by Ray
So itís March. Believe it or not, I donít have a whole lot to say about that. I mean, thereís St. Patrickís Day, if y...
March 01, 2008
 
It Was Worse Than You're Imagining by Ray
You know that guy I bitch about who sits next to me? He came to class last time smelling like cat piss. And not just a...
February 27, 2008
 
Coincidence Or Magic? by Ray
Thereís this thing called Twitter, you may have heard about it. I recently discovered it through a website called
February 25, 2008
 
This Again by Ray
All right, I posted a few more sound clips you can listen to if you want. Itís rik and I again, but itís different fro...
February 24, 2008
 
Stupid Gin, Mail My Letter! by Ray
I drank some bad gin tonight. Pretty much all gin is bad, really, but this was bad in a different and irritating way. ...
February 22, 2008
 
More School Stuff by Ray
For my Web Design class, we had to sign up for a blog on WordPress. As many of you know, I am not a big fan of blogs. ...
February 21, 2008
 
2 Heartbeats pt. 26 by Ray
Note: We started this 2 Heartbeats business a long time ago. For the uninformed: it...
February 19, 2008
 
Designated by Ray
The house has a thick atmosphere of booze, not in the miserable, pathetic way of a drunk contemplating suicide, but rat...
February 18, 2008
 
Love, Undying by Ray
Hereís the deal, kids: I have to be out of town for the next couple of days because a certain best friend of mine has ...
February 13, 2008
 
Stopping In To Say Hello by Ray
Hey kids, sorry to leave you so long with that last post about animals having sex. Iíve been extremely busy doing stup...
February 12, 2008
 
Sex Education by Ray
12:33 am on a Saturday morning, and I just finished up my homework for the night. This wouldnít be so bad, except for ...
February 09, 2008
 
BJ And The Ninjas by Ray
Iím going to tell you a story, and I hope that I can relate to you at least a fraction of the humor it involved. Iím g...
February 07, 2008
 
Drowning In The Gene Pool by Ray
Kind of an awkward day, really. I was doing fine this morning, right up until I had to leave my house. The roads I ta...
February 06, 2008
 
Another Reason To Hate Algebra by Ray
So Iím supposed to be doing school work today. Technically, I was supposed to do it yesterday, but the allergen-laden ...
February 02, 2008
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Still No Calendar by Ray
I still havenít gotten a new desk calendar. I tore off the December page at the first of January, fully expecting to g...
February 01, 2008
 
Naked Photos Make A Great Gift by Ray
People sometimes ask if it feels weird to put my writing up where everyone and anyone can read it. They ask how I can ...
February 01, 2008
 
Fucket List by Ray
ďWe went to that movie The Bucket List. Afterwards, BJ goes, ĎGreat, now thereís gonna be all kinds of old peop...
January 28, 2008
 
Cursing Teardrops by Ray
They never warn you About That Place; In grade school, When they show you the films, When they pass around...
January 25, 2008
 
Class Act by Ray
I donít like people. I think we all know this. Sure, there are a select few that Iíll suffer because theyíre awesome,...
January 25, 2008
 
Not You by Ray
Tickle me on my spider-web sanity; Listen and laugh at my hopes and dreams, And my march through the mountains That y...
January 22, 2008
 
It's All In My Head by Ray
Iím worried about my brain. Not too worried, reallyóslightly concerned, is more like it. Usually when my brain isnít ...
January 20, 2008
 
Home Schooling by Ray
Classes have started back up, which means Iím a full-time student once again. Not worth writing about, really, but Iím...
January 17, 2008
 
The Abandonment of Vulture Point by Ray
April 14
Vulture Point, thatís what the town-people call it. Called it. It ainít much, but ...
January 14, 2008
 
Giving Cooking Instruction by Ray
I decided to make a frozen pizza for dinner tonight. Iím a fan of the DiGiorno Ultimate. I used to really enjoy their...
January 13, 2008
 
The Voice In The Supermarket by Ray
I was in the supermarket yesterday when I heard a voice I recognized. It wasnít recognized in the way a friend or loved...
January 12, 2008
 
Praying To The Stars by Ray
Drunken rambling, episode 43: Were you ever really there, or just hiding in your boredom? Is there such a thing as a...
January 11, 2008
 
Ray Reads A Story by Ray
I recently mentioned that my princess read th...
January 10, 2008
 
I Have Another Book by Ray
So I put together another book. You can find it here, if youíre in...
January 09, 2008
 
A Mused by Ray
Waking up, eyes red and achingÖagain. Headache of a million mourning brain cells. How many theyíre mourning for is an...
January 07, 2008
 
A Word Or Too Many About Journals by Ray
I recently bought a shitpile of journals. I would like to think itís because something monumental is about to happen i...
January 06, 2008
 
Amazonian Awesomeness by Ray
Iíve been doing a lot on online shopping lately. Some of it was Christmas shopping for others, but most of it was Chri...
January 05, 2008
 
I Wanted To Use A Red Pen by Ray
I went to the supermarket tonight to get some candy. I needed lemon drops, you see. I was tired, and wanted to go to ...
January 02, 2008
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Time For A New Calendar by Ray
I didnít realize until just now that I have to get a new desk calendar. In years past, this was something I did when I...
January 01, 2008
 
New Year? Save Your Receipt by Ray
Happy New Years, Strangelanders. Hopefully, most of you were able to usher in the new year with more debauchery than ...
January 01, 2008
 
Last Ray Rant Of 2007 by Ray
I went home for the holidays, and for a brief second, I was foolish enough to think Iíd made it out unscathed. I shoul...
December 31, 2007
 
Merry Christmas! by Ray
Merry Christmas, Strangelanders. I'm visiting my hometown at the moment, and my internet access is sporadic, so I'm not...
December 25, 2007
 
Nothing But Filler by Ray
There was nothing important about my day, or maybe there was. I donít know, and I donít really care. The point isnít ...
December 21, 2007
 
To That Girl At the Other End, Draped In Syntax by Ray
An interesting question...
December 21, 2007
 
Forbidden Fruit(cake) by Ray
So what you have to ask is this: Is it forbidden because of how wonderful it is? Or is it so wonderful because itís f...
December 16, 2007
 
Two Movie Reviews: Brick (awesome) & Zombie Nation (suck) by Ray
For my birthday, my princess got me a gift certificate for this place called Planet Replayóa place where you can get us...
December 14, 2007
 
About Food by Ray
Over the course of my life, Iíve come to realize a few things, none of which are important. One thing I find a little ...
December 09, 2007
 
The Affair by Ray
She glances in my direction and I avert my eyes: to the chalkboard, to whatever nonsense the professor has just writte...
December 08, 2007
 
Pleasant Dreams by Ray
I was talking to Trey the other night, and somehow the subject of dreams came up. I think itís because we were discuss...
December 07, 2007
 
Perkiest Post Ever by Ray
So thereís obviously a lot to love this time of yearóbright, festive Christmas lights, jovial decorations, the general ...
December 05, 2007
 
Movie Review: Bella by Ray
Update 12/04/07 I rarely go out to the movies. Itís not because I donít like i...
December 03, 2007
 
Ant Soup Will Never Be The Same by Ray
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December 02, 2007
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Without Further Ado by Ray
The First-Of-The-Month Quotes! ďIf you donít like watching two teenage girls mugging down at nine in the mo...
December 01, 2007
 
Gift-Wrapping Up The Year by Ray
UPDATED Good old December. So good that theyíve made songs about how itís the most ...
December 01, 2007
 
That Ache by Ray
Itís not always, but itís enough. Dark things in the mind that bring tears to the eyes, lost times that bring feeli...
November 30, 2007
 
She Walked In Part 8 by Ray
It isnít madness, exactly, but itís definitely a kissing cousin. The city isnít alive, not any more than it usually is...
November 28, 2007
 
Thankful by Ray
Ah, the night after Thanksgiving. I trust you did your share of eating and slothing around on the day of thanks. My m...
November 23, 2007
 
Thanksgiving Eve by Ray
Traditionally, I spend the night before Thanksgiving writing about how Iím going to be elbow-deep in turkey ass before ...
November 22, 2007
 
Impaired Judgment by Ray
It certainly would explain a lot of things. I didnít believe it for a second, because youíd have to be batshit insane ...
November 21, 2007
 
Tastes Just Like Chicken by Ray
If youíve ever been looking at something of mine on this site, and suddenly found yourself thinking something along the...
November 18, 2007
 
Off My Mind And Onto Yours by Ray
This is a total cop out post. As much as I revel in the power of my pain medication, I have to admit that itís shit on...
November 16, 2007
 
Some Movies I Watched by Ray
I did a little movie watching over this past weekend. DVDs, of course, because going to the actual movie theater means...
November 13, 2007
 
I'm Not Mad Anymore by Ray
written 11/09/07 Iíve been going to the chiropractor for quite a while now. I was skeptical in the beginning, ...
November 11, 2007
 
Pissed Off by Ray
Letís just be honest with each other for a second here, okay? Iíve had too much to drink. You know it and I know it. ...
November 09, 2007
 
Unemployed Starting...Now by Ray
So today is my last day at work. Honestly, I donít know how I feel about that. On the one hand, this is the job that ...
November 08, 2007
 
Punchline by Ray
ďDo you even know what you want out of life?Ē Mary asks. ďDoes anyone?Ē ďBeside the point. Iím asking if you
November 06, 2007
 
Take Advantage Of Me! by Ray
I had a few minutes to kill before heading out to my Algebra class, so I figured Iíd just write a quick little somethin...
November 05, 2007
 
First-Of-The-Month-Quotes: Extra Reading by Ray
After you read through this month's quotes, you might realize something not very funny. That would be my list of thing...
November 01, 2007
 
Let The Holiday Season Begin by Ray
Iíll be honest with youóIím putting a lot of pressure on November this year. October ended up being mind bogglingly di...
November 01, 2007
 
Happy Halloween by Ray
I should be in my hometown right now, anticipating going trick-or-treating with my nephews. Instead, I'm getting ready ...
October 31, 2007
 
The Change by Ray
Paula didnít realize she had zoned out. She had been working in the area she called her serenity gardenóa self-made po...
October 29, 2007
 
Various Jobs by Ray
I was talking to a guy at work today, and somehow we ended up talking about bacon. Because itís me, this course of con...
October 27, 2007
 
Dinner Conversation With My Princess by Ray
ďI was watching this thing on TV the other night, and they asked a bunch of world-famous chefs what they would have if ...
October 26, 2007
 
No Clever "Back" Pun. You're Welcome. by Ray
I went to the chiropractor the other day. For the duration of this post, I will refer to him as ďthe doctor,Ē because ...
October 25, 2007
 
Hope Reviewed (part 2 of 2) by Ray
I try the door, hoping that itíll be locked. If it is, I have to pick the lock, which takes around ten to fifteen seco...
October 21, 2007
 
Hope Reviewed (part 1 of 2) by Ray
ďWhere is he?Ē I ask because itís my job to ask. I hate my job. ďThree-eighteenóup the stairs and take a left.Ē ...
October 21, 2007
 
Not Dead--Or In Nebraska by Ray
Sorry, kidsóbetween school, work, and pain, I havenít had much time to write. Iím hoping to be back in full effect soon...
October 19, 2007
 
ďControl SĒ Is My New Best Friend by Ray
I havenít posted anything in a few daysóI think we all realize this. There was a reason for this, believe it or not. ...
October 15, 2007
 
Multiple Choice by Ray
ďWe could have been a movie together. We should do that next.Ē I stare down at her, wondering if sheís joking. At t...
October 10, 2007
 
Dammit by Ray
Last week, while I was dealing with some of the worst physical pain Iíve ever endured in my life, I missed a test. In ...
October 09, 2007
 
Under Your Skin: An Article by Ray
I was bored and Vicodin-ed up one night and wrote this for submission to an online humor magazine. I donít have anythin...
October 07, 2007
 
Three A.M. Whining by Ray
Itís three in the morning, which has never been my favorite hour of the day. I used to have all kinds of theories abou...
October 06, 2007
 
The Last Breath by Ray
Foul things are afoot tonight, children, whether you know it or not. Sit still, breathe deep, can you not feel it? It...
October 03, 2007
 
Robot Dreams by Ray
I have a new bit over at Strange Noise if yo...
October 02, 2007
 
I'm On Drugs! by Ray
I woke up this morning because of a pain in my leg. It felt like the beginnings of a cramp, so I stood up quickly, hop...
October 01, 2007
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Feelin' Good (Or Bad) by Ray
Letís face it: you donít click on the First-Of-The-Month Quotes to read my introductions. You click on them to read a...
October 01, 2007
 
A Month I Can Dig by Ray
October, finally! I love October. Iím not sure why, exactly, but Iím guessing it has something to do with the fact th...
October 01, 2007
 
Some Things That Bother Me by Ray
When Iím at work, I sometimes have to go to the part supply place next door to get stuff. When I walk in, thereís a hal...
September 30, 2007
 
My Speech Test Adventure by Ray
So I had a test in my Speech class this morning. Because Iím something of a super-genius in all things that arenít alg...
September 29, 2007
 
She Walked In...Part 7 by Ray
I donít how she can manage to move so fast in her oversized combat boots, but she busts hump like a champ, which is goo...
September 28, 2007
 
Leake Rancidity by Ray
I had planned on writing something upbeat and relatively happy this evening. On my way out to my last class, as I swit...
September 27, 2007
 
Not My Rant by Ray
Long day of brain-melting education, so I got nothiní for you tonight. Luckily, ...
September 25, 2007
 
Yet Another Post About Podcasts by Ray
All right. Maybe youíre all sick and tired of listening to me carry on about a Strangelands ďpodcast,Ē which is, funda...
September 24, 2007
 
Turns Out, I Really Am An Asshole by Ray
I went grocery shopping today. And for something like the eighth time in a row, the retarded girl bagged my groceries....
September 23, 2007
 
A Shadow's Flight by Ray
ďI ever tell you I could fly?Ē I glance at my watch, hoping that itís closer to closing time than it feels. We still...
September 21, 2007
 
Apples & Awards by Ray
If youíre reading this, you should probably just go re-visit the <...
September 19, 2007
 
Updated Comment Section by Ray
Iím not nearly as smart as I need to be to tell you this. Sorry. That said: We at The Strangelands have recently...
September 18, 2007
 
My Apologies by Ray
Back when I worked at Circuit City, there was this guy everyone liked who worked in the TV department. Customers liked...
September 16, 2007
 
Do Drunken Spambots Dream Of Fleecing Electric Sheep? by Ray
You know all that crap email you get? That used to be my job... Vaginas! Please forward this messa...
September 16, 2007
 
I'll Be Back by Ray
Iíve been sick. I feel too rotten to bitch and moan about it right now. I have made an interesting discovery, though,...
September 13, 2007
 
Dance Of The Envelope by Ray
I can only pretend I donít see it for so long. The name on the envelopeómy nameóis written very neatly, very carefully...
September 10, 2007
 
Saturday Morning Speech Class by Ray
Up and at Ďem like a mad bastard, I woke up late, my stomach a little queasy from the previous nightónot enough sleep, ...
September 09, 2007
 
Wasted Time by Ray
The gum doesnít cover the scent of the booze, but it gives it a minty companion smell, so itís easy to make the mistake...
September 09, 2007
 
Angel, Indifferent by Ray
Donít look for a concrete answeróIím the angel on each shoulder. On one hand, I promise instant gratification a...
September 08, 2007
 
what's that hurt? by Ray
bloody fingers and hope, scraped insides and raw emotion and hateful love abandoned, finally. broken fingers ...
September 08, 2007
 
School Is Suck by Ray
Itís not that itís terrible, really, and it isnít like there arenít worse things out there. Hell, man, pretty much eve...
September 06, 2007
 
Communication Probl%@?+&$#*$!! by Ray
If you check this site with any sort of regularity, you may have experienced page-loading problems lately. Maybe the oc...
September 06, 2007
 
Confusion, Of Sorts by Ray
We arenít lost, not really, but weíve lost so much. Weíve lost hopes and dreams and laughter and friends and familiarit...
September 05, 2007
 
Hail Mary by Ray
Have you ever wanted to make the worst mistake of your life? Donít lie. You ever stop to think that maybe Pandora ...
September 04, 2007
 
Thomas' Shining Moment by Ray
I deliver to eight different stores, all owned by the same company. Each summer, these stores put ďhelp wantedĒ signs ...
September 03, 2007
 
Some Art, Because We're Cultured Around Here by Ray
So last summer, I was working with this guy named Brian. One day, weíre in this stupid-hot warehouse, pulling cases of...
September 02, 2007
 
Not The Only One Hearing Voices by Ray
UPDATE: I went through and changed the links so that they now lead to Podbean, which is...
September 02, 2007
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Ever So Many by Ray
I donít know whatís up with First-Of-The-Month Quotes. I really donít. I used to consider myself lucky if I ended up ...
September 01, 2007
 
It's September. Really. by Ray
Okay, so I see weíve all made it to September. Good job, team. Septemberís not my favorite month of the year by any m...
September 01, 2007
 
Use The Sidewalk by Ray
Death just breathed down my neck. Typing, listening to music, and suddenly my headphones are filled with the sound ...
August 29, 2007
 
Screw You, Learning by Ray
My first day of class was on Monday. It was not, by any stretch of the imagination, what you would call successful. I...
August 29, 2007
 
The Podcasts Are Coming by Ray
Iíve been kicking around the idea of some sort of Strangelands audio version for a while now, but I wasnít really sure ...
August 27, 2007
 
Little Bits by Ray
I started writing this post on Thursday night. After finishing my drink, I was even more exhausted than when I started ...
August 25, 2007
 
Eat Me: Malboro Man's Favorite Sandwich by Ray
My muse is still off somewhere, maybe on vacation; or maybe giving unprotected blowjobs in a dark alley for twenty buck...
August 23, 2007
 
Not For The Weak Hearted...Or The Weak Rectumed by Ray
Carey once told us a story from when she was wor...
August 22, 2007
 
Breaking Point by Ray
Iím sitting on the couch. Sheís sitting in the chair on the other side of the living room. Thatís how it goes, I gues...
August 20, 2007
 
Eat Me: My Friend Jim's Mexican Salsa by Ray
Most of you know that I hate Sunday evenings. For those of you who donít: I hate Sunday evenings. I also real...
August 19, 2007
 
Somewhere Else by Ray
Life has seriously been getting in the way of things, as far as writing goes. Nothing important enough to talk about, ...
August 18, 2007
 
Throwing The Gauntlet At The Fat Guy by Ray
ďI donít think Iím going to be able to be a robot ninja monkey like I had planned.Ē ďÖWhat? Are we talking about Hal...
August 15, 2007
 
We Never Jumped by Ray
Brothers at the drive-thru, Brothers in arms, Everyone wants gum and a smile; Dried out wit, brittle and tasteless. ...
August 12, 2007
 
Answer, Mother FĶĘ#eģ by Ray
Disclaimer: I wrote this story a while back and then lost it. It should in no way b...
August 12, 2007
 
I Belong To The Night by Ray
You may have noticed that my posting has waned over the past few days. The reason for this is because Iíve been out fi...
August 11, 2007
 
Not Hate, Exactly by Ray
Been a while, Been a while, I hate to fail, But I feel that I must. You know where I live, You know where I l...
August 09, 2007
 
She Walked In...Part 5 by Ray
I handed her a cup of coffee, pitch-black and strong enough to wake the dead. As she reached out for it, her baggy t-s...
August 06, 2007
 
Tooning Out by Ray
So itís been sort of a strange weekend. Not good in a weird way, and not weird in a good way. JustÖbleh. I went to b...
August 05, 2007
 
Just Whining by Ray
Iím not sure if I find writing cathartic, or if itís the drinking that I do while Iím writing that helps so much...
August 03, 2007
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Zen Intro by Ray
I donít really have much to say about this monthís First-Of-The-Month Quotes. Some are dark, some are funny, some are ...
August 01, 2007
 
The Worst Month? I Think So. by Ray
August. Oh, August. How I hate this month. I canít think of one thing good about it. Oh, waitóI think Treyís birthd...
August 01, 2007
 
A Rant From Before by Ray
Note From Ray: I could have sworn I posted this a long time ago. I think what happen...
July 30, 2007
 
Regarding Fire Extinguishers by Ray
...
July 29, 2007
 
Won't You Be My Neighbor (pt. 4 of 4) by Ray
ďHey, wait, pull over here!Ē ďWhat? Why?Ē ďI need some aspirin. Or beer. Both. Pull over here.Ē He jerked the ...
July 28, 2007
 
Won't You Be My Neighbor? (pt. 3 of 4) by Ray
I woke to frantic pounding that I didnít understand. I looked at the clock on the front of my DVD player and saw that ...
July 27, 2007
 
Won't You Be My Neighbor? (pt. 2 of 4) by Ray
ďLook, Iím not saying Hitler was a good guy, Iím just saying that he had some really good ideas about how toÖokay, itís...
July 26, 2007
 
Won't You Be My Neighbor? (pt. 1 of 4) by Ray
The clichť thing would have been a cup of sugaróthatís always how it goes with neighbor stories, right? I didnít need ...
July 25, 2007
 
Two Bad, Really by Ray
Two things: 1)They stopped carrying my brand of gin at my local liquor store. It wasnít necessarily good gin, but eve...
July 24, 2007
 
Posting To Post by Ray
Itís the end of the weekend, which is always my least favorite part of the weekend. I pissed away the last couple of d...
July 23, 2007
 
A Bad Day To Be A Ray by Ray
When you wake up first thing in the morning with chewing gum in your pubic hair, thereís really no need to wonder what ...
July 19, 2007
 
Drinking Problem by Ray
Every ice cube tray in the house is empty, the water pitcher sits on the counter, bored, warm, and dry. The only bottl...
July 18, 2007
 
Reckless Pete by Ray
ďOn a roll this morning, saving the day; tipping my worn baseball cap to the ladies and driving a giant motorcycle into...
July 16, 2007
 
Lost by Ray
Dried lips; scratched, infected heart. Loss. Laughing at the mirror, crying in the shadows, Lousy logic, stupid senti...
July 14, 2007
 
It Could Be Worse by Ray
July is turning out to be quite the crap month if youíre fiending for a little Ray postiní. Sorry about that. Iím sti...
July 13, 2007
 
Right And Wrong by Ray
I recently went back to visit my hometown for the 4th of July, and it was kind of weird. To tell you the truth, itís a...
July 09, 2007
 
My (Less Than) Triumphant Return by Ray
As Iím walking out, the lady at Whataburger goes, ďYou have a God blessed day.Ē Bles-sed, two syllables, have a God bl...
July 08, 2007
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: From Away by Ray
Because Iím on vacation from June 30th until July something or other, Iím actually typing these First-Of-The-Month Quot...
July 01, 2007
 
Nothing Clever Here by Ray
Itís not that I donít have anything to say about July, itís just that because Iím such a very important person, I donít...
July 01, 2007
 
Vacation Begins by Ray
I'm off to start my vacation, kids. I'll have your First-Of-The-Month Quotes and your intro to July posted tomorrow, bu...
June 30, 2007
 
Under Pressure by Ray
Itís weird, you know? You live your life, you try to do the right thing, you try to do goodÖ And what? Like, you en...
June 28, 2007
 
What I Wonder When I Wonder If I'm Tough by Ray
Iím not a hundred percent positive, but Iím pretty sure Iím going to be all over the place tonight, jumping from subjec...
June 27, 2007
 
Where I Been by Ray
Usually, I try to use the weekend to get caught up on my Strangelands posting, and maybe write a few extra posts that I...
June 25, 2007
 
Please Direct Your Attention To... by Ray
So Iím sitting at my desk the other day, and I hear a giggling behind me. My princess was in the living room, perusing...
June 22, 2007
 
Five Reasons Fat People Should Stay Inside by Ray
Note from Ray: I wrote this a while back for submission to a humor site. It had to b...
June 21, 2007
 
She Walked In...Part 4 by Ray
ďTell me about the girl.Ē He wasnít giving me a look, exactly, but there was something there, like he was watching to ...
June 18, 2007
 
Father's Day by Ray
Itís Fatherís Day, Strangelanders, so make your calls, send your cards, whatever. Iíve actually been looking for a car...
June 17, 2007
 
If I Knew Now What I'll Know Later by Ray
Just for the record, I know this is a bad idea. When I wake up tomorrow, the alarm blaring in my ear, and I see that t...
June 15, 2007
 
It'll Make You Go Blind by Ray
So Iíve been trying to eat healthy lately. Not really a diet, but more of changing my eating habits thing. Part of th...
June 14, 2007
 
Watch This by Ray
I recently bought this movie on Ebay. Actually it was a set of moviesónine movies on three discs, I got it for fifty-f...
June 12, 2007
 
Namebrand Trashcan by Ray
I donít want to be thrown away, but that doesnít mean I wonít understand. Help me with my emotional baggage, and then d...
June 11, 2007
 
Scratched Disc by Ray
Itís 12:30, Iím tired and pissed off. I somehow managed to miss my window for sleep, which almost never happens. My s...
June 10, 2007
 
The Hit by Ray
ďHey.Ē ďWhat?Ē ďI know this is silly, considering, butÖĒ ďWhat?Ē ďI always thought there would be music....
June 09, 2007
 
If Only Lex Luthor Had Succeeded by Ray
UPDATED Dear California, Thank you and thank you and thank you. ...
June 08, 2007
 
Burning Bridges by Ray
Note from Ray: I entered a flash fiction contest the other day. The guidelines said ...
June 07, 2007
 
Whoa... by Ray
I got an unusual letter in the mail yesterday. Not a letter, actually, but rather a postcard in an envelope. And not ...
June 06, 2007
 
Some Weird Crap by Ray
Iíve been sitting here for about ten minutes, listening to old Pearl Jam songs (the only kind of Pearl Jam songs to lis...
June 04, 2007
 
A Drinking Manís Parable by Ray
I would like to tell you something, because thatís what I do around here, is tell you stuff. I just made a drink. I d...
June 04, 2007
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: A Year Remembered by Ray
This month marks the one year anniversary of First-Of-The-Month Quotes. Can you believe it? A year of scribbling down...
June 02, 2007
 
June Bugging Me by Ray
Ah, June. I donít really have much to say about June, except for mine doesnít seem to be going all that well so far. ...
June 01, 2007
 
That's Just Gross... by Ray
Dear Gatorade, Propel fitness water? Not a good idea. Iím not sure what you had in mind when you started out, ...
May 30, 2007
 
Wasted Weekend by Ray
Ugh. It isnít writerís block, because thereís always something to write about. But everything wants to turn in...
May 28, 2007
 
The Lie Fits Better by Ray
If I was honest, I would admit that I donít know what to cringe at first. As it is, Iíll boast that I had the situatio...
May 26, 2007
 
Milk Like Clockwork by Ray
Sometimes I try new things and it works out. Other times it doesnít. Sometimes my princess tells me, ďThatís one of t...
May 23, 2007
 
Don't Bother by Ray
I'm too tired to post anything real tonight, but did I tell you I got hit in the face with a box the other day? I got...
May 21, 2007
 
Rob's Party--A Photo Essay by Ray
I got around to posting some pictures of Robís party, if youíre the kind of person whoís interested in that sort of thi...
May 20, 2007
 
Sleep Is Dumb, Not Unlike Myself by Ray
Iím not going to claim that I always try to be normal, but sometimes I do actually attempt it. I went to bed at a reas...
May 20, 2007
 
Lost Look Back by Ray
Hanging on past the right time, Like a bumper sticker on a used caró Let it go, move on. Shredded credi...
May 19, 2007
 
Rob's Birthday by Ray
So I made it back, in case you couldnít tell. And listen: It was a hell of a time. There will be pictures, but due t...
May 17, 2007
 
Fly Away Home by Ray
Ah, but the return trip is never as fun, is it? Even though Iíll be returning to my princess, and I miss her fiercely...
May 16, 2007
 
A Conversation With Mom by Ray
ďI got a new SkilSaw.Ē ďOh, yeah?Ē ďItís great. It even has padding, like on athletic equipment.Ē ďI wrote abo...
May 11, 2007
 
I Believe I Can Fly by Ray
So many and then some... Printout on one piece of paper, read it, study it, this piece of paper is your mother now, y...
May 10, 2007
 
Chocolate Chip On My Shoulder by Ray
Low-rent fool, sipping suds of generic window cleaner, hoping against hope that this will be the time that they canít p...
May 08, 2007
 
If I Ruled As Much As I Think I Do by Ray
I was listening to the radio the other day at work, and the lady was doing the thirty seconds of news or whatever. I w...
May 07, 2007
 
Wasted, But Not In A Good Way by Ray
I hate when I finally survive Ďtill the weekend, and instead of getting to do anything fun, I have to spend my time rec...
May 06, 2007
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Full Schedule by Ray
Iíll be honest with you: Usually, the biggest thing going on on my desk calendar is a food stain of some kind. Iím no...
May 01, 2007
 
Word To Ya Motha! by Ray
Ah, May! The month ofÖof, umÖman, I donít know. Itís been a long day, and I donít really feel up to being cleveróyou ...
May 01, 2007
 
Lady I Work With: by Ray
Chatter, chatter, chatter, A shark that drowns when it Stops swimmingÖ What happens when you Stop talking? ...
April 28, 2007
 
I Guess I Will by Ray
I wonder if Iíll write about this. Thatís my first thought as I dangle about twenty feet above the unforgiving ...
April 28, 2007
 
He Said, She Said, I Said by Ray
I go, ďI missed a call.Ē She goes, ďWho from?Ē I go, ďWasnít it supposed to rain tonight?Ē I pick up the phone,...
April 26, 2007
 
Things I Saw: Thatís Not Funny by Ray
If you would have asked me this morning if I had ever written a post about the weird stuff I see while Iím driving my d...
April 24, 2007
 
Doing My Part by Ray
If you donít live in a city filled with dirty stinking hippies, you might not realize that today is Earth Day. Thereís ...
April 22, 2007
 
The Answer Is: ďDisgusting Things You Would Do.Ē by Ray
ďWhat is, ĎMadonna and eat yogurt,í Alex?Ē ...
April 18, 2007
 
... by Ray
Sometimes I hurt for the world. As I type this, it is 11:40, Monday, April 16, 2007. And it is one of those times....
April 17, 2007
 
The Mysterious Workings Of Jeremiah Bennington (part 3 of 3) by Ray
Jeremiah Bennington cocked his head as if the silence told him something that it concealed from others. He shook his h...
April 16, 2007
 
The Mysterious Workings Of Jeremiah Bennington (part 2 of 3) by Ray
A short while later, the bells over the shop door jingled again. Jeremiah Bennington looked up from his work and smile...
April 15, 2007
 
City: Remembered by Ray
WaitÖlost? I remember pacing small grocery store aisles On a Sunday evening, dreading Monday out of habit. A...
April 14, 2007
 
The Mysterious Workings Of Jeremiah Bennington (part 1 of 3) by Ray
Jeremiah Bennington looked up from his workbench when the bells above the door rang. Each one was a different size and...
April 14, 2007
 
Let's Talk Haircuts by Ray
I need a haircut, probably. Iíve had a pretty wicked widowís peak since I was a little kid, and as Iíve aged...
April 12, 2007
 
Leave A Message At The Tone by Ray
I wish I had more answers and better reception and longer battery life. I wish I had more booze and more knowledge and...
April 10, 2007
 
Revision Of A Fat Man by Ray
All right, so I guess itís time for me to drop some cash on this Portly Boy book thing. Iíve been saving up to buy an ...
April 09, 2007
 
Frozen Eggs by Ray
Itís April here in Austin, which apparently means forty degrees and ice pelting my windows all day long. I havenít che...
April 08, 2007
 
Green Light Drama by Ray
ďIs this what makes you happy?Ē He ignores her and holds up a piece of cardboard to one of the many passers-by. ď...
April 06, 2007
 
Ordered Hot & Delivered Fresh by Ray
Frantic touch and splintered harmony, We have nothing left but our loss, And nothing to lose But what we have left. ...
April 06, 2007
 
Give Me Back My Bike, You Bastard! by Ray
I donít have kids of my own, but I have my sisterís. I donít technically have them, I suppose. Like, I donít f...
April 04, 2007
 
It Won't Be Fixed by Ray
Treyís back, and in position to fix the kooky tag line of the front page, but he told me tonight that he likes the way ...
April 03, 2007
 
First-Of-The-Month-Quotes: Dirty Desk Calendar by Ray
Iím glad itís a new month. Not because I have anything against last month (although I do, since those bastards moved u...
April 02, 2007
 
I Am Jackís Broken Brain by Ray
I had all Saturday to come up with something good to put up on the new issue. I went to bed early most of last week, s...
April 01, 2007
 
Dammit... by Ray
Treyís in Houston this weekend, and I have no idea what the hell Iím doing around here. Which means that of cou...
April 01, 2007
 
Awake Too Soon by Ray
I woke up at six thirty this morning, without good reason. I wanted sleep, but my body goes, ďNo!Ē I was up and at Ď...
March 31, 2007
 
Oh Give Me A Home... by Ray
ďI got a line in my pocket, Iím lyiní, I got a nine in my pocket, and baby, Iím just dyiní to cock Ďim, heís ready for w...
March 28, 2007
 
Not A Bad Guy (part 4 of 4) by Ray
I named her Stephanie Megan, and she was the most beautiful baby that has ever graced the planet, or that ever will. I...
March 27, 2007
 
Not A Bad Guy (part 3 of 4) by Ray
My mom moved in with me for a while, and my wifeís parents got a hotel room at the place down the street, and they help...
March 27, 2007
 
Not A Bad Guy (part 2 of 4) by Ray
I was right there with her, even though we werenít sure if that was a good ideaóIíve never been good dealing with the s...
March 26, 2007
 
Not A Bad Guy (part 1 of 4) by Ray
He just stares at me. I stare back. Iím not sure if heís thinking about taking the money or if heís thinking about de...
March 26, 2007
 
You Don't Hate Me by Ray
Another note from Ray: The following was cut/pasted from what was at one point...
March 25, 2007
 
Monday, Mucking My Mind by Ray
Note from Ray: I wrote most of this story last night, but before I could finish it of...
March 21, 2007
 
My Battery Died... by Ray
Itís like a million important ideas, all crashing together, but it all sounds like laughter. With weirdness: God w...
March 20, 2007
 
Nothing More Than Feelings by Ray
Note from Ray: I wrote this Sunday evening, but wasn't sure if I wanted to post it be...
March 20, 2007
 
2 Heartbeats pt. 25 by Ray
ďWhatís in Harveyville?Ē he asks. I laugh. It hurts but I canít help it. ďThe crossbone soulless jailhouse and Congre...
March 17, 2007
 
A Workplace Conversation by Ray
I was talking to a coworker today about my lousy truck, and how itís a dangerous piece of shit. I was telling him abou...
March 17, 2007
 
I Changed The Name Of This One by Ray
Iíd say ďrats,Ē and leave it at that, but I think we all know me better than that. If you looked at the little avatar ...
March 17, 2007
 
One Night by Ray
Itís late. I should be in bedówork tomorrow, and Mr. Jenkins is getting sick and tired of seeing me show up to the Mon...
March 14, 2007
 
Cookie Monster by Ray
My princess came down with a pretty bad cold last week. She works with children, which means when she gets sick, itís ...
March 12, 2007
 
Play It Again, Sam by Ray
I got a new CD today, and thank goodness, because sometimes you have to hide. Turn on the tunes, knock back a glass of...
March 08, 2007
 
Put My Foot Where? by Ray
The thing ab...
March 07, 2007
 
A Word Of Advice by Ray
Lost excitement and hidden adventure and withered soulóeffervescent nothings skipping through the dark alleys and nesti...
March 03, 2007
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: #'s by Ray
Iím on a budget. For some reason, my princess has decided to turn the world into numbers. My hate for numbers is just...
March 02, 2007
 
Marches Past by Ray
I was just about to go to bed right now. It was a long lousy day, and when I got home, I saw that the maintenance men ...
March 02, 2007
 
Flying, Crawling, Passing by Ray
An odd thing happened to me today. You know what? Thatís not true. It wasnít all that odd, and it didnít really h...
February 28, 2007
 
Put Down The Mop by Ray
Dropped faces and haunted places, do you ever know who you are, or why? I walk, hidden from polite society by bad brea...
February 26, 2007
 
To Walk by Ray
I once ate an apple that tasted like summertime. I have wiped away grime-mixed sweat that signified more than m...
February 24, 2007
 
Love Always by Ray
Note: I wrote this story last summer. I took it down because I had entered it into a ...
February 22, 2007
 
2 Things by Ray
My pizza cutter is always dirty. Rarely do I eat pizza, but when I do, I always have to hunt down my pizza cutter. Wi...
February 21, 2007
 
Thanksgiving In February by Ray
Itís three in the morning, and Iím just hanging out with my honey-sweetened cup of green tea, wondering if Iím going to...
February 18, 2007
 
If Only She Had Died Before She Was Famous by Ray
I caught a little flak because I havenít posted anything in a while. On one hand, thatís sort of cool, because it mean...
February 17, 2007
 
Not With A Bang, But A... by Ray
ďI just realized that I can rank the females Iíve dated in order of love, and the girl that used to give me handjobs af...
February 13, 2007
 
Thanks by Ray
So itís like, what? 11:35? Doesnít matter, really, but thatís what the clock says when I slump down onto the bed. ď...
February 07, 2007
 
Always Apologizing For My Length... by Ray
So you may have noticed that underneath this post, there are a shitpile of short story posts all with the title ...
February 05, 2007
 
First-Of-The Month Quotes For February by Ray
The funny thing about First-Of-The-Month quotes is that theyíre not so hard to find, but theyíre hard as hell to rememb...
February 02, 2007
 
We Are Now Officially A Crowd by Ray
Well kids, itís February, which means a couple of things. It means we made it through the post-holiday recovery month ...
February 01, 2007
 
Go Away by Ray
As the month nears the end, I get really bad at posting anything worth a shit. The way I figure it is, rarely do peopl...
January 31, 2007
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: The Breaking by Ray
Do you hurt like me, I wonder? Do the memories burn ...
January 30, 2007
 
Judge, Jury, And Executioner (Portly Boy pt. 69) by Ray
Luckily, the Evil Judge was focused on the car as it rolled awayóhard not to be a little mesmerized by it, actually, wi...
January 28, 2007
 
Know Me? No, Me. by Ray
For some reason, my sisters seem to be sending this little questionnaire all over the place. I generally donít h...
January 27, 2007
 
Driving Me Crazy by Ray
In case youíre wondering why the only thing Iíve been posting over the last few days is short drunken nonsenses, odd bit...
January 24, 2007
 
Broken Timer by Ray
Why? ĎCause Iím drunk and losing. When you think of a smile, does it matter who it belongs to? How many lost m...
January 22, 2007
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: This Party Sucks by Ray
Lip service, ómore than one meaningó Because she just wants to be loved, And because Iím an asshole. Too many ...
January 20, 2007
 
Take A Seat by Ray
Somethingís been bothering me for a while. I guess Itís been bugging me for about 26 or 27 years now. Hereís what it ...
January 19, 2007
 
One Thing I'm Not Is A Desperate Loser by Ray
Did you know that if youíre ever in Austin, Texas, and youíre up at one in the morning on a week night, and youíre bore...
January 16, 2007
 
Slacking by Ray
So hereís the deal: I spent most of yesterday writing, working on a story that I really thought I would have finished ...
January 15, 2007
 
Snapshot by Ray
Drowsy and lunatic, I donít know what Iím looking at, but I know it canít be what I thought. I hear the buzzing of some...
January 14, 2007
 
Hate Week Ends Once More by Ray
As I type this, the clock is just rolling over to tell me that a new day has begun, and that Hate Week is over once mor...
January 13, 2007
 
A Dreaded Visit by Ray
So after days of not getting any sleep, I finally broke down and decided to schedule a doctor appointment. To be compl...
January 11, 2007
 
Problems Before Me by Ray
Four thirty in the morning, Iím up and freakiní at Ďem, choking on my own defective immune system, contemplating the ra...
January 10, 2007
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: Hating The End by Ray
Looking back, Seeing missed opportunities, Failures, And lost futures. Getting old: Youth scoffs at me In d...
January 07, 2007
 
Two Dozen Hate Week Activities by Ray
All pumped up for Hate Week, but not sure what to do? No problem! As always, you can look to the dashingly handsome w...
January 07, 2007
 
Hate Week The Third by Ray
12:45 a.m. January 6, 2007. Hate Week has officially begun. I celebrate by knocking back a shot of whiskey and a shot...
January 06, 2007
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: Family Photos by Ray
Terrible anticipation, Ripping the envelope, Knowing whatís inside, Dreading. A dozen lost memories, Some hid...
January 04, 2007
 
Other People's Stories by Ray
I had about a million ideas for posts throughout the day, but once I actually started working on them, I realized they ...
January 03, 2007
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes...Quality, Not Quantity by Ray
I got a new desk calendar, what with it being a new year and all, and I gotta tell youóitís a little strange. I had th...
January 02, 2007
 
We Have Made It To THE FUTURE! by Ray
According to my brand-spankiní-new desk calendar, itís 2007. Accordin...
January 02, 2007
 
It's All In My Head by Ray
ďMan, I will never give you shit about your allergies again.Ē Weíre about five seconds into the conversation, and asid...
December 31, 2006
 
Uninvited by Ray
Note from Ray: I was looking through my recent Word files today and found this. I thou...
December 28, 2006
 
Christmas Vacation by Ray
You know, I bitch and moan a lot, but I have it pretty good. I hope you all had a good Christmas, if thatís your th...
December 27, 2006
 
He Won't Do It Again by Ray
ďGive it back.Ē ďNo.Ē ďDo it...
December 22, 2006
 
Joining In by Ray
He steps into the circle and looks around. The feeling in his stomach is familiar, but itís not something heíll ever r...
December 21, 2006
 
Nature Versus Nurture by Ray
ďSo what youíre telling me is that youíre a bad guy. I gave birth to a bad guy.Ē She opens a packet of sugar and dump...
December 19, 2006
 
Weekend Activity by Ray
Iím not real sure how many of you drop by this place during the weekends, but I generally post some stuff because 1) I ...
December 18, 2006
 
The Trap (Portly Boy pt. 68) by Ray
I look across the parking lot, and I canít tell if Arnieís alive or dead. Probably heís alive, because I canít imagine...
December 16, 2006
 
Time To Make The Donuts by Ray
Darkening immediately, the entire night to ponder and to make mistakes. We will never remember the smiles and the kisse...
December 15, 2006
 
It Sure Beats What I've Been Doing In Dark Alleys by Ray
Iíve been staying up entirely too late recently. I just havenít really been able to sleep. Iíll get in bed, get all u...
December 14, 2006
 
Happy Birthday by Ray
RING!...RING!...RING!... ďuuuhÖhello?Ē ďYou know what your problem is? You got no passion. You got no idea about h...
December 14, 2006
 
Memories Of Things That Never Happened by Ray
I decided to read my book today. To tell you the truth, it wasnít really something I was looking forward to, and I was...
December 13, 2006
 
Selling Out, One Page At A Time by Ray
I was talking to Trey a while back, and we were discussing this website. ďYou know, I was thinking about it,Ē he said,...
December 12, 2006
 
Fatty Fat Fat by Ray
I am not a thin man. If youíve read this site for any amount of time, you probably know this little nugget of informat...
December 11, 2006
 
Overheard: Batman and The Fat Lady by Ray
ďWell, it certainly took you long enough. Another second, and I would have been burnt to a crisp.Ē ďIt took me just ...
December 09, 2006
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: You Never Know Until You Try by Ray
Is this lunacy? Lost and forgotten, Or just a bad day? We canít dance here, We canít dance, hear? We canít! ...
December 09, 2006
 
My Life by Ray
ďYou turn thirty, your body just starts breaking down.Ē My sister has been throwing this disturbing bit of wisdom my w...
December 07, 2006
 
Rights, Or Something by Ray
I took my last test today. When I got home, I wrote on that stupid forum thing, and now Iím just sitting around, waiti...
December 06, 2006
 
Pointless by Ray
I was in a pretty rotten mood yesterday, and Iím not really sure why. I thought it was because I wasted all kinds of t...
December 03, 2006
 
Step Away From The Lights by Ray
Like many Americans, I bought Christmas lights last year. I went to Target and I perused the many aisles of Christmas ...
December 02, 2006
 
First Of The Month Quotes: Found And Lost by Ray
I had a pretty busy November, and I did a lot of talking to a lot of different people. Which means that I heard all ki...
December 01, 2006
 
Beginnings At The End by Ray
EDIT: I was going through some of my wedding photos today, and found this one. This dud...
December 01, 2006
 
He Likes To Watch by Ray
Iíll be honest with youóI donít generally put a lot of work into my posts this late in the month. I mean, itís the las...
November 30, 2006
 
Making Ends Meet by Ray
Before we get started, let me ask you a question: What do you think they should make space ships out of? I spent the ...
November 28, 2006
 
Cold Medicine And Ninjas by Ray
Sometimes I use the phrase, ďI knew better.Ē When I use this phrase, it generally means that I did not know bet...
November 27, 2006
 
After After Thanksgiving by Ray
It's the day after the day after Thanksgiving, about six thirty in the morning. I don't have any real reason for being ...
November 25, 2006
 
Happy Thanksgiving by Ray
Happy Thanksgiving, Strangelanders. Sorry there's no turkey preparation story this year, but I'm actually about to head...
November 23, 2006
 
Probably Over-hyped by Ray
I generally try to avoid commenting on mainstream news. I figure if itís big enough for national media, there has prob...
November 22, 2006
 
Trying Something New by Ray
Weíre standing by the river when she pulls the gun. Weíre by the river because this is where she said she wanted to me...
November 20, 2006
 
Survival Of The Sickest by Ray
Twenty minutes after three as I start this. I woke up at midnight on the dot. Got up to turn off the TV, had a brief ...
November 18, 2006
 
Ray's Wedding by Ray
I donít come out of sleep gradually. One second Iím asleep, the next Iím awake. And worrying. I glance over at the c...
November 17, 2006
 
Gucks by Ray
I found this bit of rambling sitting...
November 16, 2006
 
More Of Ray's Wedding Adventure by Ray
After eating, we end up going souvenir shopping, where one of my nephews (the one thatís zero years old) manages to bre...
November 16, 2006
 
Ray's Wedding Adventure by Ray
So I went and got married. It was the worst trip I can remember ever having taken, followed by one of the happiest tim...
November 15, 2006
 
Big News by Ray
I GOT MARRIED! ...
November 11, 2006
 
The Riddle: Answered by Ray
Last month, I was sitting around talking to rik about riddles. I made ...
November 07, 2006
 
Mixed Cereal by Ray
I recently found myself sitting at a table with two bottles of vodka, surrounded by friends and topless women who were ...
November 07, 2006
 
You KnowóWeíre The Boy Band by Ray
So I made it back from my bachelor party last night. I got to New York City around eleven oíclock on Thursday morning,...
November 06, 2006
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Spilled Meat by Ray
I spilled coffee and hamburger meat all over my desk calendar around October fourteenth, so my quotes of the month are ...
November 01, 2006
 
Enter Novemeber by Ray
As I was getting ready for bed last night, I saw a commercial for Crest whitening strips. There was a Christmas tune p...
November 01, 2006
 
Murder @ Twilight (pt. 9 of 9) by Ray
November 1óNovember 2
ďI did it.Ē ďI know.Ē ďNo, I mean I did it.
October 31, 2006
 
Murder @ Twilight (pt. 8 of 9) by Ray
November 2
I did it. The doctor said I would lose time, so that part wa...
October 31, 2006
 
Six Word Stories by Ray
This has been around for a while, so you may have already seen it splattered all over the internet, but just in case yo...
October 30, 2006
 
Murder @ Twilight (pt. 7 of 9) by Ray
November 1
They spend most of the day talking about anything other than the present sit...
October 30, 2006
 
Change Your Clock by Ray
Time change tonight! Back to real time! Die, Daylight Savings Time, you evil bastard! Change your clocks with glee, ...
October 29, 2006
 
The Best Part Of Waking Up... by Ray
One pot of coffee, used as study guide, and then used as whiskey chaser. The key is to grind the beans so fine that yo...
October 29, 2006
 
Murder @ Twilight (pt. 6 of 9) by Ray
November 2
The thing about small towns is, you never really get to have any...
October 29, 2006
 
Murder @ Twilight (pt. 5 of 9) by Ray
November 1
The walk across the parking lot is one of the most surreal exper...
October 29, 2006
 
Murder @ Twilight (pt. 4 of 9) by Ray
November 2
My name is Jackson Tye. I am twenty six years old, and I live i...
October 28, 2006
 
Murder @ Twilight (pt. 3 of 9) by Ray
November 1
ďTalk to me.Ē ďI didnít kill her, but Iím glad the bitch is dead...
October 27, 2006
 
Murder @ Twilight (pt. 2 of 9) by Ray
November 1
Jackson Tye opens his eyes and uses up a couple seconds of his l...
October 27, 2006
 
Murder @ Twilight (pt. 1 of 9) by Ray
October 31
Kristy Brown paused the movie she was watching and rose from the couch. Sh...
October 27, 2006
 
Student Identification by Ray
I went to get my student ID today. I need it so that I can go take my first test next week. My text book still hasnít...
October 26, 2006
 
Sucker-punched By The Ghost Of The Past by Ray
Holy shit. I just started fooling around with the ďsearchĒ function in Yahoo mail, and it was like ...
October 24, 2006
 
Class Begins by Ray
So tonight was the first night of class. You have probably noticed that I rarely post anything even remotely political...
October 24, 2006
 
Wasted Sunday by Ray
So I decided that I was going to make a puppet. A marionette, to be more precise. I was trying to buy one, but I cou...
October 23, 2006
 
What's Up Now by Ray
Hey Strangelanders. I was in the shower the other day, and I suddenly realized that it was October and I havenít told ...
October 22, 2006
 
Action!...Annnd Cut. by Ray
What night will it be? This one, probably. Too late once more. If only I could have saved the tiny time traveler fro...
October 20, 2006
 
Nasty Water And Dirty Words by Ray
Every ...
October 19, 2006
 
Road Trip...The Decision by Ray
If youíre into spouting over-used clichťís you could say that he showed up out of the blue. I wouldnít say that. I wo...
October 18, 2006
 
Road Trip...The Knock by Ray
Iím in the local convenience storeóAllsupísóbuying some beef jerky and a 7Up. It has been a long, stupid day. To tell...
October 16, 2006
 
Road Trip...Intro by Ray
I have a story Iíve been meaning to tell you. Itís not a story entirely my own, but even the stories I make up donít r...
October 15, 2006
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: Crawling Back by Ray
Scratching on nothing, Hoping you hear, Never looking up, Just in case you ignore. Hiding my desire; Hiding ...
October 14, 2006
 
Loser TV by Ray
I donít watch much TV. The thing is, I think most television programming is unimaginative horseshit that is not only a...
October 13, 2006
 
Interns (pt. 2 of 2) by Ray
ďThe first time, it was because I thought he liked me, you know? I know, I know, Iím so stupid, so naÔve, soÖwh...
October 11, 2006
 
Interns (pt. 1 of 2) by Ray
ďDonít start with me, Dillon.Ē ďDonít start with you?Ē Dillon said. Not quite a yell, but almost. ďDonít start ...
October 11, 2006
 
Not As Boring by Ray
That last post was really boring. I mean, sure I linked to some really cool shoes, butÖdamn. I would delete it, but, ...
October 10, 2006
 
Shoes by Ray
I like shoes. Sneakers, mostly (I grew up calling then tennis shoes, for some reason, and calling them sneakers still ...
October 10, 2006
 
How Do You Tell...? by Ray
I work with this guy Willie. Willie is the kind of person that I would generally file in my ďhow people relate to my l...
October 09, 2006
 
Ray's Big Day Out (pt. 2--conclusion) by Ray
After Best Buy, I went to CompUSA. Nothing there but extra-friendly employees who really weirded me out. I bought a p...
October 08, 2006
 
Ray's Big Day Out (pt. 1) by Ray
ďSo what do you have planned for tomorrow?Ē I asked my princess on Friday night. ďNot much. You?Ē ďWell, it sort ...
October 08, 2006
 
My New Keyboard by Ray
I got a new keyboard today. I havenít had a chance to use it a whole lot just yet, but so far, itís awesome. The keys...
October 07, 2006
 
What Do You Call...? by Ray
I was at work the other day, and had dealings with a man who is generally not funny. Iíve found in life that there are...
October 07, 2006
 
Title (because i couldn't think of anything else to name this) by Ray
In an ideal world there would be something great to read every time you checked out The Strangelands. Also, I would be...
October 05, 2006
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: Wasted Life by Ray
You smiled sadly, You said you were sorry, And closed the door. Forever. Was my life over Before then? Or di...
October 05, 2006
 
Interesting Is For Punk Kids by Ray
In my head, I pictured it like this: come home, work out, clean the house. While working out, I thought up an idea...
October 04, 2006
 
The Riddle by Ray
I was talking to Rik on the phone, about riddles. I made one up. Here it goes: Hit me, Iíll say what you ...
October 03, 2006
 
Not Much... by Ray
Sorry kids, but I got nothiní tonight, and no time to make it. My eyes burn, my head is about to explode, and my finge...
October 03, 2006
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Time Passes by Ray
I just realized the first-of-the-month quotes have been around since June. Actually, I posted the first ones in
October 01, 2006
 
Mixed News by Ray
The Strangelands is telling me that itís a new month, and who am I to disagree? Nobody, thatís who. I donít mind it b...
October 01, 2006
 
Garbage by Ray
My desk is a mess. I mean, thereís crap stacked all over it: pencils, pens, books, lava lamps, candles, more pens, sho...
September 30, 2006
 
Too Bad About That, Really by Ray
One of the worst things about being me is that Iím kind of an idiot. For instance, instead of going to bed last night ...
September 28, 2006
 
GinóThe Lime Lifesaver Of The Booze World by Ray
At first, I was a little sad, because I thought the Lifesaver in the little cellophane wrapper was broken. I put it to...
September 27, 2006
 
Finding The Search by Ray
Sheís already there when I arrive, sitting with her legs drawn, her chin resting on her knees, just the way I remember ...
September 26, 2006
 
A Brand-Name Moment (Portly Boy pt. 67) by Ray
ďWhat the hell is wrong with you?Ē The volume of the voice was much too high, and so was the tone of the voice. There...
September 24, 2006
 
Junk Mail by Ray
In case you didnít notice, I havenít really been around for the past few days. I actually managed to write a couple of...
September 23, 2006
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: Sold As Is by Ray
Iím poison. Iím cancer. Iím all the bad things in the world That you donít want to get sucked into. ...
September 23, 2006
 
Life Lesson by Ray
I realize Iíve been rambling on about my princess and weddings and love and stuff like that lately, and I guess I need ...
September 20, 2006
 
Cut/Paste...1 by Ray
Drunk fun for the night: cutting and pasting words from the last email I received, in no particular order. I cheated t...
September 19, 2006
 
Holy Garbled Gabbing, Batman! by Ray
A strange thing tonightóIím not sure what I want to write about. Generally, the problem is that I have nothing to say,...
September 19, 2006
 
Understanding by Ray
Do you understand, I wonder? Is there any way that you could? Surrounded by love and warmth and companionship, and st...
September 18, 2006
 
Gonna Use Yo' Super Powers by Ray
One night, long ago, I was on the phone with one of my friends, and she was drunk and I was drunk, and somehow we ended...
September 17, 2006
 
What A Night by Ray
Rain. Of course itís going to start raining. I mean, seriously, how could it possibly not rain at this point? ...
September 13, 2006
 
Twelve Oí Clock Appointment by Ray
Our eyes lock, and although it doesnít seem like I should have the time to think, I still mange to wonder if I scare hi...
September 11, 2006
 
I Yam What I Yam by Ray
In continuing the wonderful theme of stinking my apartment up beyond belief, I just got through cooking some baby Bruss...
September 10, 2006
 
Turkey Bacon's Revenge by Ray
Iím a big fan of bacon. Since meeting my princess, Iíve pretty much been eating turkey bacon, which isnít bad. ...
September 09, 2006
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: No by Ray
Do you remember the early days? Before the scorn and the anger and the violent words? Do you remember when there w...
September 08, 2006
 
Childhood Past by Ray
Man, I canít believe how dumb things are at the moment. Canít sleep, donít feel like drinking, my body aches, and I th...
September 08, 2006
 
Stuff You Should See by Ray
I think that the internet is mostly just filled with crap. I mean, you have this medium that allows pretty much anyone...
September 07, 2006
 
More About Bumper Stickers by Ray
My mouth has tasted like dissolving aspirin for two days now, and I canít figure out why. You wouldnít believe how ...
September 07, 2006
 
2 Heartbeats pt. 23 by Ray
Cartoons. I dream about cartoons. Scoob and the gang. Mostly Shaggy. Shaggy with his stoner voice and his constant ...
September 06, 2006
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: Frozen In Time by Ray
Too small, Last image. And too large For Life. Listening: Lilted laughter rings Through hearts of Friends. ...
September 06, 2006
 
The Old Days by Ray
I am a zombie right now. Except for instead of craving brains, I sort of want pizza and about two days of sleep. I am...
September 05, 2006
 
Conflict Within (Portly Boy pt. 66) by Ray
ďI canít, manóthereís a reason they call it live feed. Because itís live.Ē ďI donít even know why I ke...
September 03, 2006
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes: Origins by Ray
Thereís a story behind the first-of-the-month quotes, but itís not a very interesting one. But as Iím not a very inter...
September 02, 2006
 
All About September by Ray
All right, so we all made it to September. Way to go, team. For some reason I always associate September with going b...
September 02, 2006
 
So I Lied by Ray
Two of my least favorite things are sneezing and back pain. Thanks to my defective body, I got to experience both this...
August 31, 2006
 
Making Reality (pt. 7) by Ray
When I first started this deal, I wanted this camera to be sort of like a journal. It didnít take me all that long to ...
August 29, 2006
 
Unbelievably Strong by Ray
I was at work the other day, and I heard that Sheryl Crow song, Strong Enough. It pissed me off. I realize ...
August 28, 2006
 
Act Your Age by Ray
Two thirty in the morning, and Iím awake only because I fell asleep this afternoon and stayed that way for several hour...
August 27, 2006
 
Today We Had A Problem by Ray
I tried to go to bed like a normal member of society, but I just couldnít do it. Iíve been staring at my ceiling for a...
August 25, 2006
 
Sneezing and Wine-ing by Ray
I sat down tonight with a cheap bottle of wine, ready to write all kinds of stuff that would change your life and inspi...
August 24, 2006
 
The Gazelle by Ray
Instead of going out and buying a bottle of whiskey tonight, I bought exercise equipment. ...
August 23, 2006
 
Timed Ramblings by Ray
Hereís how weíre rolliní tonight, kids: I have four beers, half an hour, and I got nothiní to say. Itís gonna be a pr...
August 22, 2006
 
Too Much Information: You've Been Warned by Ray
It was only a matter of time, really. As soon as I picked up the little box containing the little tube, it was pretty ...
August 21, 2006
 
Uninformed Generalizations by Ray
I know you donít really visit this site so you can read about my back and how it hurts, and all that crap. I know you ...
August 20, 2006
 
Pain and Memories by Ray
Itís weird, but I think back pain makes me want to smoke. When I first stopped smoking, everything made me want to smo...
August 18, 2006
 
But I Digress... by Ray
Today was all about kicking my ass, I think. Out the door at six this morning, covered in sweat by six-thirty, and ele...
August 17, 2006
 
All Broken Up by Ray
The thing that really makes my soul ache is the feeling of wrongness that constantly batters my mind and my heart. ďTh...
August 16, 2006
 
Broken Train Of Thought by Ray
School officially starts tomorrowóat least it does where my princess teaches. Itís weird how after all these years, Ií...
August 15, 2006
 
Making Reality (pt. 6) by Ray
How long has it been? Offhand, I donít even know. I make marks in the sand, but I doubt theyíre accurate. I have a w...
August 15, 2006
 
Supercuts Super Sucks by Ray
I got my hair cut today. Iíve been growing it out for eight months now, because my princess wanted to see me with long...
August 14, 2006
 
Back by Ray
Even though I was able to post a couple of times last week, my access was still really sketchy, and getting online was ...
August 13, 2006
 
Access Denied by Ray
So I havenít had any internet access for the past four days. Any. In fact, as I write this I donít have intern...
August 13, 2006
 
Worthless Workforce by Ray
There are all kinds of things I donít like in the world, and Iíd have to say that hippies are way up on the list. Itís...
August 09, 2006
 
So Little Time by Ray
Dropping the shot glass and grabbing the neck. Weíve not much time, and many things to discussÖ I have to get up ...
August 08, 2006
 
Making Reality (pt. 5) by Ray
So they made the first water drop today. I watched from a distance as the helicopter lowered the huge yellow tank down...
August 08, 2006
 
On An Off Day by Ray
Against my better judgment, I went out this weekend. Not out to a club or a bar, or any safe place like that. I went ...
August 07, 2006
 
Making Reality (pt. 4) by Ray
I forgot to bring cold medicine. Also, I didnít count on having a runny nose when I did the math on how much toilet pa...
August 06, 2006
 
Making Reality (pt. 3) by Ray
I slept like a baby last night. The tent has a little flap that you can unzip, and you can see the stars through this ...
August 05, 2006
 
Making Reality (pt. 2) by Ray
So itís my first day out here. Incidentally, by the time youíre hearing this part of the track, youíll already have be...
August 04, 2006
 
A Straight-Up Pimp by Ray
Man, you wouldnít believe how tempted I was to pull ďMaking RealityĒ off the site tonight. Itís not even close to bein...
August 03, 2006
 
Making Reality (pt. 1) by Ray
IsÖis this thing on? Hello? What do you want me to say? ďTesting?Ē Are you serious? Isnít that a little clichť? N...
August 02, 2006
 
First-of-the-Month QuotesóSlim Pickings by Ray
The problem with this monthís first-of-the-month quotes is that I heard most of them in person. Which means that I for...
August 01, 2006
 
Knocking August (bad joke, but I don't care) by Ray
Knock, knock. Whoís there? August. August who? August of win...
August 01, 2006
 
Tank Boy by Ray
...
July 31, 2006
 
Getting My Glass Handed To Me (2 of 2) by Ray
I know itís pretty ridiculous to have a two-part rant, but I got a little out of control here, and I didnít think it wa...
July 30, 2006
 
Getting My Glass Handed To Me (1 of 2) by Ray
You know, glass is pretty amazing, when you stop and think about it. Take the silica-based variety, for instance. San...
July 30, 2006
 
Net Neutrality by Ray
Thereís something Iíve been meaning to talk to you all about. The only reason I've waited this long is because I didít ...
July 29, 2006
 
Heybuddy (4--conclusion) by Ray
I was walking home from work when I saw the lights. It was around five in the morning, and still more night than day. ...
July 28, 2006
 
Heybuddy (3) by Ray
Heybuddy didnít come back the next night, but Matt did, and he brought a few of his friends with him. They came in rig...
July 27, 2006
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute: Granted by Ray
Reckless memories and wrinkled futuresó Scarred and blistered, We never stop trudging through The storm. Our...
July 26, 2006
 
Hoome For Bathing! by Ray
So I got home from work tonight, ate a little supper, and went to take a shower. This is all pretty standard stuff, as...
July 26, 2006
 
Heybuddy (2) by Ray
The way it worked was, on the weekends, there were two cooks, two busboys, and five servers for the graveyard shift (or...
July 25, 2006
 
Heybuddy (1) by Ray
ďOh, holy shit, whatís this all about?Ē I understood his reaction. Working the graveyard shift at a pancake house, y...
July 24, 2006
 
More Free Music by Ray
So I was messing around on the internet last night, not really looking for anything in particular, and I stumbled acros...
July 23, 2006
 
X-Treme KATT by Ray
So I kind of dropped the ball on this posting stuff. To be honest, I really havenít had much to say, and the stuff I t...
July 23, 2006
 
You're the Man Now, Dog by Ray
So my princess made it back from NYC safe and somewhat sound. Very tired, as she was quite the party animal her last n...
July 17, 2006
 
With Or Without You by Ray
So I just uncorked a bottle of Ezra Brooks Kentucky Straight Bourbon. Itís not something I generally drink, and since ...
July 16, 2006
 
A Bit About Writing by Ray
I was writing on a legal pad this evening, and I found it rather pleasant. The page I was writing on was a little wrin...
July 16, 2006
 
Some Enchanted Evening by Ray
When I was thinking about tonight this afternoon, it went an entirely different way. See, when I was imagining it, wha...
July 15, 2006
 
Dammit by Ray
I have to get up early tomorrow, to accept a delivery, which isnít nearly as erotic as it sounds. A truck full of pois...
July 13, 2006
 
I Used To Know Things... by Ray
For some reason, I thought I had a post for you tonight. I donít know if it was only a wonderful dream or what, but I ...
July 12, 2006
 
Early Morning Pontificating by Ray
I was up at four this morning, on my way to the airport forty-five minutes later. My princess is currently on her way ...
July 11, 2006
 
About Groceries? Yep. by Ray
So Iím sitting here at my desk with my third bowl of vegetable soup and a glass of water (I have no idea how many glass...
July 09, 2006
 
A Surprisingly Short Review Of Superman Returns by Ray
So I watched Superman Returns today. I usually get to see one movie every four months or so, so watching two in one we...
July 09, 2006
 
My Long-Winded Review of Dead Man's Chest by Ray
Iím still wicked sick, just going to prove how evil kid germs are. That didnít stop me from going to see Pirates of th...
July 08, 2006
 
Recovering by Ray
Whatís up, kids? Hope you all had a fantastic 4th of Julyówhether youíre an American or not. I am, and although I wou...
July 07, 2006
 
Memories And Lack Of by Ray
Reporting to you live from Canadian, Texas, and oh shit. I went to the parade today, because thatís what people do her...
July 04, 2006
 
More First-Of-The-Month Quotes by Ray
I didnít do much talking this month, at least not any recreational talking, so my first-of-the-month quotes are pretty ...
July 01, 2006
 
Welcome To July--I'll Be Leaving Now by Ray
July is ďin the house,Ē as it were, and I for one, am really excited. Iím sorryÖthatís not true. The part abou...
July 01, 2006
 
Meltdown by Ray
So itís the end of the month, and I generally donít post quality material this close to the endóIím pretty positive tha...
June 30, 2006
 
My Ride To Work by Ray
ďYou Ray?Ē Short little Latino guy, probably in his forties, old tattoos on his arms, Hawaiian shirt. ďYeah.Ē Payin...
June 27, 2006
 
The People Change Afterward by Ray
I always get a little embarrassed when I write explicit sex scenes in my stories. I guess itís because I feel that whe...
June 26, 2006
 
The People Change Prologue by Ray
So this story ďPeople ChangeĒ gets really explicit. And by that, I mean thereís some sex in there, and if youíre not i...
June 26, 2006
 
Starting the Week Out Right by Ray
So I spent most of the day writing and still managed to not get anything posted for the 25th (although technically, ití...
June 26, 2006
 
Work and Weather by Ray
So Iíve been stuck late at work almost every night this week, and that totally blows. By the time I get home and get s...
June 24, 2006
 
People Change (pt. 6) by Ray
ďI donítÖI donít understand why!Ē Iím drunk, and although Iím not so far gone that I donít realize this fact, I...
June 23, 2006
 
People Change (pt. 5) by Ray
He shows up about thirty minutes later, a bottle of Cuervo in one hand, and a plastic rose in the other. I open the do...
June 22, 2006
 
Saving the Day (Portly Boy pt. 65) by Ray
ďMy baby! My baby!Ē The cry was coming from the area where I had just been, from the area of the Escort and the BMW. ...
June 19, 2006
 
Back To Normal by Ray
Whatís up, kids? In Ray news, my princess got back from Mexico, safe and sound. Her first meal after returning from...
June 18, 2006
 
Dag, Yo by Ray
It was wicked nasty weather today, man. Hot, humidóweather that wanted to kill humanity. Even for regular people, thi...
June 16, 2006
 
People Change (pt. 4) by Ray
ďPeople change.Ē The words sting me. No apology, no excuses, just those two words, blatant and blunt and sad. What...
June 13, 2006
 
People Change (pt. 3) by Ray
I donít cry when I get to the bathroom, and I donít throw up (which is actually what I thought I might doóIíve never be...
June 12, 2006
 
My Hair by Ray
I have entirely too much head-hair. Iíve sported a goatee pretty much since I got out of high school, and for some rea...
June 11, 2006
 
My Favorite Conversation-Ender...Ever by Ray
ďSo one thing she liked about me, she said, was that I was calm and level-headed, th-Ē ďWait. What?Ē ďWhat?Ē ďSh...
June 10, 2006
 
Everything Is Okay by Ray
First off, I would like to direct yo...
June 10, 2006
 
People Change (pt. 2) by Ray
What he didnít know was that I already knew about his website. It was a fluke that I ever found it. I just happened t...
June 09, 2006
 
People Change (pt. 1) by Ray
ďWhatís up, Jackie?Ē He asks. He has changed. I should knowóI was secretly in love with him for six of the ten month...
June 08, 2006
 
The Blue Notebook by Ray
I donít know if itís writerís block or if I just donít have shit to say, but this week has been a tough one for busting...
June 07, 2006
 
3 a.m. by Ray
I just looked at the clock, and noticed that itís much later than I had expected. Usually I know when Iím supposed to ...
June 05, 2006
 
Another Sunday Evening by Ray
Whatís up, kids? If you spend any time actually reading the babble I throw at the internet, you probably know how much...
June 05, 2006
 
Cowboy Up... by Ray
Thereís a point in the night when you give up on trying to think up any cool little storiesómaybe something with a twis...
June 03, 2006
 
First-Of-The-Month Quotes by Ray
So the manís got me beat down pretty good tonight, boys and girls. I wonít be much in the way of entertainment, is wha...
June 02, 2006
 
Welcome To June! (I couldn't think up a cool title) by Ray
Whatís up, Strangelanders? Looks like we made it to June. I donít know if thereís really anything special in June. L...
June 02, 2006
 
I Gotcher Blog Hangin'! by Ray
I have a confession to make. Iím not happy about it, but I feel like I should tell you. I feel like a dick about it, ...
May 31, 2006
 
The Carnival by Ray
Note from Ray: I wrote this for a contest I was gonna enter, but I forgot to read all t...
May 30, 2006
 
A Failed Attempt at Reviewing X-Men: The Last Stand by Ray
Update: Apparently thereís a scene after the credits, which I kind of figured, seeing a...
May 29, 2006
 
I Can't Sleep For All Of the Voices by Ray
Two in the morning, bored out of my mind, canít sleep, and Iím drinking whiskey so slow that itís not doing anything at ...
May 28, 2006
 
Sit...Stay...Write by Ray
Iíve become spoiled, thatís the thing. You ever have a puppy? I did for about two weeks, before I realized that puppi...
May 28, 2006
 
Three Day Weekend by Ray
So for people with normal jobs, itís a three-day weekend. I didnít even realize, until yesterday, when the new guy ask...
May 27, 2006
 
My Spanish by Ray
Shit. In my mind, I had a whole post about how it was the last day of school for my princess, but it didnít work out. ...
May 26, 2006
 
I've Seen Better Days... by Ray
I should be thankful, thatís what I tell myself. Because my life is usually so good. Maybe not all that exciting, but...
May 24, 2006
 
In Case You're New... by Ray
So I was talking to Trey the other night, and we were discussing how cool we were for posting so many 2 Heartbeats stor...
May 23, 2006
 
A Few Sunday Nights by Ray
Sunday night, only just now recovering from the past week. Man, work blows. Driving myself crazy trying to remember th...
May 22, 2006
 
Two Heartbeats pt. 21 by Ray
I donít care how long itís been, but there is a part of my brain that whines and complains, and constantly demands to k...
May 21, 2006
 
Dropping Acid and Other Bad Stuff by Ray
You wouldnít believe how much chlorine I smell like right now. Shitpiles, thatís how much. I smell like shitpiles of ...
May 19, 2006
 
My Buddy Buddy and Our Double Date by Ray
All right, so Iím gonna tell you this story, okay? Itís about this friend of mine, and this double date we went on. T...
May 17, 2006
 
2 Heartbeats pt. 19 by Ray
ďCome on out, boy!Ē How long has it been? Hours? Days? I reach down and run my hand through Larryís innardsÖstill w...
May 15, 2006
 
Out Of the Portmobile, Into the Fire (Portly Boy pt. 64) by Ray
One thing I completely recommend if youíre about to die, is do something to take your mind off of it. Maybe a crosswor...
May 14, 2006
 
Another Fifty-Five by Ray
Broken Up I hate her and she hates me, and it doesnít even matter, because weíll never stop. She zips up her p...
May 12, 2006
 
Copy Cat by Ray
For a while, I was planning on posting a series of pictures showing what happened to my desk calendar each month. The ...
May 10, 2006
 
Interview With An Alien by Ray
I had a bit of time on my hands, so I decided to go track down an alien to interview. Iím not talking about the illega...
May 07, 2006
 
Express Yourself by Ray
I heard one of the greatest expressions today. One of the greatest expressions Iíve ever heardóand Iíve heard a lot...
May 06, 2006
 
Remembrance (conclusion) by Ray
Jonas weeps and wails and sobs and cries, and in the end, he sits shivering, trying to hold onto his sanity. ďHow?Ē h...
May 03, 2006
 
Well Played, Clerks by Ray
You know, itís been a strange day. Thinking back over the events, it isnít even worth discussing, describing, whatever...
May 02, 2006
 
Remembrance (part one) by Ray
Itís called the grove by the people that call it anything, even though nothing grows from the trees. In fact, most of ...
May 02, 2006
 
Hello, Killy by Ray
Iíve been running various sentences through my head for the last forty-five minutes, wondering how, exactly, I wanted t...
May 01, 2006
 
Everybody FunnyóNow You Funny Too by Ray
I got an odd request tonight. It was from someone that wanted to post, but had a hard time doing so because his comput...
April 30, 2006
 
@ 1 w/@ Least A %age by Ray
Sometimes I just want to shake hands with the bad guy, warn him not to discuss all his plans before theyíve been carrie...
April 29, 2006
 
Friday Morning, Friday Night by Ray
Friday morning, running extra late this morning, because when I went to hit the ďsnoozeĒ button, I accidentally hit the...
April 28, 2006
 
Speech of Hypocrisy by Ray
No one understands this desire, so I can only assume it is a foolish one. Trapped by humanity, chained by civilization...
April 27, 2006
 
Dealing With it (part 4--conclusion) by Ray
She hasnít stayed the night at her own place in over two weeks. Tyler has practically moved out, claiming that the ste...
April 26, 2006
 
Dealing With it (part 3) by Ray
Surprisingly, she actually likes his outfit, which is too bad, because the shirt is too tight and the jeans make his le...
April 25, 2006
 
Arooooo! by Ray
Man, itís too late for me to up rambling. I have to be up in a few of hours. Not only up, but up and at Ďem. The stu...
April 24, 2006
 
Dealing With it (part 2) by Ray
ďDude, itís totally got you.Ē ďIt doesnít have meóitís just becoming a problem, is all.Ē ďAddicts never admit they ...
April 24, 2006
 
Tequila Pages by Ray
Switchiní it up a bit tonight, Strangelandersótequila. Let me tell you a little something about tequila and I: I stay...
April 23, 2006
 
Dealing With it (part 1) by Ray
ďWell, what do you think?Ē She looks at him expectantly, a huge smile on her face. She thinks that sheís done somethi...
April 22, 2006
 
Half A Post by Ray
Awíright, kids, Iím back. Not in top form by any means, but whatever. I was freakishly ill on Sunday, Monday, and Tue...
April 21, 2006
 
Understatement by Ray
I'm sick as a damn dog. Have been for days, now. Just uhg, man. Going to bed now, I'll be back when I can think witho...
April 19, 2006
 
Time Soft Served by Ray
Iím at work the other day, and my cell phone rings. I was just pulling my truck in after a delivery, so I figured what...
April 16, 2006
 
Eggs and MemoriesÖAll Scrambled by Ray
You smell like dead spaghetti, and Iím tired of all the birds. You want to come into my shack, but once you get there,...
April 15, 2006
 
Beverages by Ray
You know what Iíve been doing a lot of lately? Drinking. And not alcohol, either. Just, you knowóliquids. Fluids. ...
April 15, 2006
 
That Would Be Super by Ray
Iíll be honest with you, kidsóI got nothiní. I mean, my brain is fried. In fact, Iíve started this third sentence ove...
April 14, 2006
 
Emotion, Unchecked (part 6-conclusion) by Ray
I wake up quickly, but Iím not sure why. I look around the room, wondering what could have caused my heart to race so ...
April 13, 2006
 
Babblings About Wednesday by Ray
One thing I like is macaroni and cheese. Out of the box. Generic, name-brand, I donít care. Enough milk and butter, ...
April 13, 2006
 
Emotion, Unchecked (part 5) by Ray
I donít even want to know what time it is. Weíve been kicked out of the bar, but Jessica somehow managed to talk the o...
April 12, 2006
 
Tue Early Toosday by Ray
Alarm goes off, I canít figure out what it is. My brain tells me that it must be either some sort of emergency, or wha...
April 11, 2006
 
Emotion, Unchecked (part 4) by Ray
ďTell me about when you grew up.Ē Iím three drinks in, which is not nearly enough to justify why Iím even considering ...
April 11, 2006
 
Just Another Maniac Monday by Ray
Monday morning again, and although I havenít mentioned it in a while, Iím still pissed about the time change. ďHow lon...
April 10, 2006
 
Saturday Morning Pep Talk by Ray
Saturday morning, early, but not early enough to make me feel like Iím getting a head start on the day. First drink of ...
April 08, 2006
 
Emotion, Unchecked (part 3) by Ray
We get to Hederton just as the sun is setting, which is probably for the bestóitís not the kind of place that you reall...
April 08, 2006
 
My Clock by Ray
So Iím sitting out here in my writing area, trying to do my thing, but I keep getting distracted. Iíve been checking o...
April 07, 2006
 
Emotion, Unchecked (part 2) by Ray
ďThis is getting too easy.Ē I start the car as she straps herself in. Itís two days later, and weíre already done wit...
April 06, 2006
 
Emotion, Unchecked (part 1) by Ray
ďI think heís cheating on me.Ē Oh, shit, not this again. I roll my eyes, exaggerated, so she canít help but see it a...
April 05, 2006
 
Why Do It? by Ray
Man. What a long day, and what an unproductive night. Trolling the waters, looking for writing contests. Why? Long ...
April 04, 2006
 
Maladjusted Monday by Ray
Austin, Texas, 7:00 a.m., what should be 6. Hot already, humid like itís pretending to be the jungle, and I can barely...
April 03, 2006
 
Daylight Save This by Ray
Note from Ray: I actually wrote this late Saturday night, but while writing it, I got s...
April 03, 2006
 
April Bite My Sack Day by Ray
So itís like, what, April Fools Day? Sheesh. You know, like people across the world, I think Valentineís Day is stupi...
April 01, 2006
 
No Need To Knock by Ray
Back in the day, Trey was the only one around here who had the power to begin a new issue of The Strangelands. What th...
April 01, 2006
 
National March 31st Day by Ray
The only thing I have for you this morning is an excuse: My itunes player asked me if I wanted to upgrade to the lates...
March 31, 2006
 
Old Man Thursday (I Got Nothin' For A Title) by Ray
Thursday, and Iím continuing my trend of the week by posting before I go to work. I have plenty of time, but nothing t...
March 30, 2006
 
The Expression "Hump Day" Is So Misleading by Ray
So Iím sitting here with my one-liter travel mug filled with extra-strong coffee, my bologna and cheese sandwich (the t...
March 29, 2006
 
Happy Tuesday, Everyone! by Ray
So Iím coming back home this morning and I see this lady jogging on the side of the road. Itís like six thirty in the ...
March 28, 2006
 
Weekendend by Ray
Woke up late, out of Visine, burned my tongue with my coffee. Groggy, irritable, lurking headache, and Iím wondering i...
March 27, 2006
 
Sunset On A Sunday by Ray
You know, Iíve never been good with Sunday evenings. One of the only good things about working in retail was that sinc...
March 27, 2006
 
Sunday Afternoon Sermon by Ray
So I spent Friday night on the phone with one of my friends, drinking with the reckless abandon I usually reserve for w...
March 26, 2006
 
Back In Action (Portly Boy pt. 63) by Ray
ďAre you going to talk to me at all tonight?Ē Arnie asked. We were in the Portmobile, which meant that I didnít reall...
March 26, 2006
 
Welcome To the Weekend, We've Got Fun and Games by Ray
Finally got the wireless thing figured out, I thinkóand it only took a week. I ended up having to swap out the interna...
March 25, 2006
 
Early Morning Rant For the Early Evening by Ray
(A note from Ray: I wrote this this morning, because I had some extra time before work. My internet connection screwed...
March 24, 2006
 
About Songs, I Guess by Ray
So hereís the thing, boys and girls: about two days ago, my word processing program crashed. Well, not really cras...
March 23, 2006
 
Giving In (conclusion) by Ray
ďWhat are you doing here?Ē Itís been about ten seconds since we heard the sound of his car starting up, the engine rev...
March 22, 2006
 
Giving In (pt. 2) by Ray
Itís foggy as shit. Three, maybe four feet in front of me, thatís what I can see clearly. Five feet past that, itís l...
March 21, 2006
 
Giving In (pt. 1) explicit scenes by Ray
Iím about halfway through it and I realize that Iím bored. She doesnít seem to be having the same problem, though, so ...
March 20, 2006
 
Byte Me, Netgear. Wait, I meant blow me by Ray
I did it, you Netgear bastards! All of your crazy software and all of your crazy freezing my computer up sixteen times...
March 20, 2006
 
Wireless by Ray
I'm trying to hook my shit up for wireless, and it's driving me insane right now. Just thought I'd let you know, in cas...
March 19, 2006
 
My Mistake by Ray
You know what I just realized this morning? I posted all that crap this weekend, and I forgot to post the story with...
March 19, 2006
 
Fires In the Panhandle Of Texas by Ray
In case you havenít ever realized it, I donít watch the news very often. Once in a while, someone will bring something...
March 18, 2006
 
Happy St. Valenti...uh, nevermind. by Ray
Hear this, lads Ďn lassies: Oh, wait, Iím not Irish. I just wanted to tell you somet...
March 18, 2006
 
Links and Hotdogs by Ray
So you know I wrote that deathbed story, and ...
March 18, 2006
 
Tired Again by Ray
I up woke this morning, bright with the potential of the day. All right, so thatís just a nice way of saying I woke up...
March 18, 2006
 
Night Management by Ray
Well, here we are. I donít know who you have roaming around your house as you read this, but Iíll tell you who I haveó...
March 17, 2006
 
You Are the Keymaster, I am the Gatekeeper by Ray
Whatís up, kids? Iím just hanginí out, eating an old bag of Pop Rocks out of plain boredom. Strawberry, I believe the...
March 16, 2006
 
Hunting Trip part 8 by Ray
For just a second, I freeze. It isnít because Iím too scared to act, itís because I canít decide the best thing to do....
March 15, 2006
 
Hunting Trip part 7 by Ray
Iím up early, and itís still dark. The dark of the morning isnít nearly so bad as the dark of the night. With the mo...
March 14, 2006
 
Hunting Trip part 6 by Ray
What woke me up was Mr. Roth shaking me. He didnít do it gently, not like my mom did on school days to get me out of b...
March 13, 2006
 
Nothin' On A Friday by Ray
Friday night once again. My princess has a big test tomorrow, and then a week of freedomóone of the perks of being a s...
March 11, 2006
 
Hunting Trip part 5 by Ray
Itís dark. Darker than it ever gets in the city, which is kind of weird. I mean, even if you stand in the closet with...
March 11, 2006
 
Hunting Trip part 4 by Ray
ďDaddy?Ē I asked, because I didnít know what else to say, but I think it was already too late. He died quick. ďHo...
March 10, 2006
 
Hunting Trip part 3 by Ray
Itís dark. Darker than it ever gets in the city, which is kind of weird. I mean, even if you stand in the closet with...
March 09, 2006
 
Hunting Trip part 2 by Ray
Itís dark. Darker than it ever gets in the city, which is kind of weird. I mean, even if you stand in the closet with...
March 08, 2006
 
Hunting Trip part 1 by Ray
Itís dark. Darker than it ever gets in the city, which is kind of weird. I mean, even if you stand in the closet with...
March 07, 2006
 
Keepin' Ya Informed by Ray
So Iím posting the first part of the story. ďHunting Trip.Ē Yeah, baby, original as a mad bastard. Inspired, even, a...
March 07, 2006
 
It Feels All Mushy by Ray
All right, kids, I came up with a story for this week. Itís a haunting tale of a young boy that goes on a hunting trip...
March 06, 2006
 
Would You Like Fries With That Pain In The Ass? by Ray
The quality of my neighborhood McDonalds has been declining steadily over the past couple of months. Have I ever told ...
March 05, 2006
 
Race Ya (A Dream I Had) by Ray
I ended up shaving to improve my look this morning, and although it didnít help a whole lot, it did work a littl...
March 04, 2006
 
March Morning Muh-nuh-muh-na by Ray
I got home last night, took a shower and fell asleep while waiting to build up the energy it took to get fully dressed....
March 03, 2006
 
Some Things by Ray
Here are some things I did today: I accidentally left my pen in the rent office while paying my rent. I paid rent. I...
March 02, 2006
 
Fighting the Good Fight...To the Death by Ray
ďSo, March, we meet again. I see you left your goons at home this timeÖĒ ďI wonít be needing zem zis time, Mr. Rayóg...
March 01, 2006
 
Clips of Angst: A Time Line by Ray
One bad idea after another, track me with a silver bullet, and make sure it hits the mark. Iíll burn you with the star...
February 28, 2006
 
Not Much by Ray
Whatícha think, kiddies? Last day of the month and shit, right? I generally donít post anything good this late in the...
February 28, 2006
 
Pt. 14: The End by Ray
ďOkay, itís time we checked you out,Ē Natalie Portman tells Beth Anne Williams. The emergency room has cleared out, an...
February 27, 2006
 
Just a Bunch of Rambling by Ray
Itís late and Iím bored, and a little annoyed with myself. I slept most of the day, due to a mind-boggling hangover. ...
February 27, 2006
 
Another Phone Call by Ray
I actually had a real post I was working on, but it wasnít that interesting, and then I got a call from the notorious p...
February 26, 2006
 
Bored On A Friday by Ray
So itís Friday again, and I got nothiní going on. I feel bad about it, really. Like I work my ass off all week, it se...
February 26, 2006
 
Pt. 13: Charlie (Around Other Places) by Ray
Back when he was young, he memorized the facts. Friends, family, pets, jobs, hobbies, interests, loves found and loves...
February 24, 2006
 
Pt. 12: Charlie (Around) by Ray
The figure walks through the hospital, not paying attention to any of the hustling, hurrying people around him. Most o...
February 23, 2006
 
Can't Sleep by Ray
I donít know what was going on, but I fell asleep at like seven oíclock tonight. I know people who sometimes do that, ...
February 23, 2006
 
Pt. 11: In the Midst (ER) by Ray
Frankie Smith has seen all kinds of crazy stuff during the night hours of the ER, but he has never seen anything like w...
February 22, 2006
 
Little Mazda by Ray
I may have told you this before, but for some reason, scrawled across my desk calendar, are the words, ďDrive away, you...
February 22, 2006
 
Pt. 10: All At Once (ER) by Ray
Frankie Smith is worried about what heís going to tell Dr. Mendon about the missing bed. As the elevator rises, he run...
February 21, 2006
 
Pt. 9: Natalie, Rodney, and Beth Anne (ER) by Ray
Natalie Portman looked over and saw that the old woman was coughing up blood. She was doing it as quietly as possible,...
February 20, 2006
 
Firewood and Internet..."I'll take stuff that doesn't work for 200, Alex" by Ray
Iím spoiled, man, I realize this. But I pay for high-speed internet each and every month, even though Iím smart enough...
February 20, 2006
 
Pt. 8: Frankie Smith (Loading Dock) by Ray
Frankie Smith isnít the brightest crayon in the box, and he never has been. He knows it, and he knows that other peopl...
February 19, 2006
 
Old People and Egg Patties by Ray
So howís your weekend, kids? Mineís rolling right along, like weekends do. I donít have much for you tonight, but Iív...
February 19, 2006
 
2 Heart Beats pt. 17 by Ray
The day that all this shit started, if you would have asked me how things could get worse, I simply would have replied ...
February 17, 2006
 
Pt. 7: Natalie Portman (ER Desk) by Ray
Natalie Portman sits at the desk, thinking about her problems. She knows she should be thinking about other peopleís p...
February 15, 2006
 
Pt. 6: Beth Anne Williams (Emergency Room) by Ray
Cancer The word whispered through her head like a child tiptoeing through the house on Christmas morning, hopi...
February 14, 2006
 
Snow In the City by Ray
What up, Liíl Homies? Sorry about dropping the ball on the story over the weekend, but I had some weird shit going on ...
February 14, 2006
 
Pt. 5: Rodney Benedict (Emergency Room) by Ray
Rodney Benedict is not a man to wait. Or at least he wishes he wasnít. Heís wants to be an important manóheís ...
February 13, 2006
 
Pt. 4: Beth Anne Williams (Emergency Room) by Ray
Beth Anne Williams looked around. No matter how many patients were escorted through the corridors of the hospital, the...
February 13, 2006
 
Pt. 3: Cody Burns (Loading Dock) by Ray
Cody Burns sits at the desk, trying to stay awake. He is not what you would call a happy camper, by any means. Cody B...
February 10, 2006
 
Work Rant by Ray
Iím feeling kind of angry tonight, and I donít really have a reason for it. I blame dehydrationóI havenít been drinkin...
February 10, 2006
 
Pt. 2: Beth Anne Williams (Emergency Room) by Ray
Beth Anne Williams sat on the edge of the seat, aching horribly. She had lived for eighty-two years, and she wasnít su...
February 09, 2006
 
Pt. 1: Tom Miller and Billy (Warehouse) by Ray
Tom Miller removes the cigar from his mouth and glares down at the clipboard. The cigar isnít litóitís been illegal to...
February 08, 2006
 
A Post For the Birds...Or the Humans by Ray
Iíve come to a conclusion. Actually, Iíve come to many conclusions, but most of them are very unexciting and not worth...
February 08, 2006
 
Bitter by Ray
Good morning, boys and girls. I stumbled out of bed at seven oíclock this morning, laughing bitterly at the fact that ...
February 04, 2006
 
Commercial Interests by Ray
At my computer for over an hour, and this is the first sentence Iíve typed. Pulling up word files left and right, tryi...
February 04, 2006
 
Whisky Pages--Attack of Early Times by Ray
Iíve spent the last hour of my life typing in shit on my computer for work. The guy thatís training me announced last ...
February 03, 2006
 
Happy Birthday, The Strangelands! by Ray
So, wow. Two years weíve been doing this stuff. Two years of late-night kisses, midnight fights, and morning chats ov...
February 01, 2006
 
Sick and Boring by Ray
So Iím home sick for another day. Iím not as bad as yesterdayóI can see straight, and Iím not falling down every time ...
January 28, 2006
 
Down With the Sickness by Ray
So if youíve spent any amount of time on this website, you more than likely know that my princess is a teacher. Also, ...
January 26, 2006
 
Tuckin' Ya In by Ray
Well kids, itís bedtime. Any chance of The Simpsons coming on has been forgotten, and Iíve spent yet another evening c...
January 24, 2006
 
My New Job (part 2) by Ray
Okay, so we discussed the ďpeopleĒ at my new job. Now letís discuss the job itself, shall we? When I was being inter...
January 22, 2006
 
My New Job (part 1) by Ray
I look at the hole in my hand, and I feel a little sad and poisoned. Not too much of either, though, so I guess Iím ok...
January 21, 2006
 
Bite Me by Ray
So Iíve got to go to work in a minute, but I thought Iíd quick drop in to let you know that I made it through the first...
January 19, 2006
 
It's a Job by Ray
ďYou are a terrible man,Ē she whispers. ďIím worse than that.Ē I grab her arm and haul her down the steps. She does...
January 18, 2006
 
The Interview by Ray
Yeah, yeah, I know. Itís been forever since Iíve posted anything. I donít really have any excuse, if you want to know...
January 17, 2006
 
Early To Rise by Ray
I open my eyes and look at the clock, but the only number I see is the first one, and itís a four. Are you serious? O...
January 12, 2006
 
Forgotten Hate by Ray
So Treyís pretty mad, huh? Yeah, the dudeís g...
January 11, 2006
 
Query Dreams by Ray
Kuh-ryhme-eny, kids. Iíve been drinking cold coffee and warm whiskey for the last three hours, and not just for the sa...
January 11, 2006
 
I Gotcher Mail Sack Hangin' by Ray
Just got off the phone with Trey. He had to go so he could work himself up into enough of a rage to justify a post dur...
January 10, 2006
 
Spread-eviled by Ray
Iíve got about a million things I should be doing right now instead of writing, butÖoh, heck, who am I trying to fool? ...
January 09, 2006
 
Gettin' In the Mood by Ray
Hate Week rolls on, with or without me. I had to take some cold pills earlier, and it seems like they waited for a few...
January 08, 2006
 
Hate Week Returns by Ray
Hey kids, itís that time again. Yeah, I canít believe it, either, but itís trueóitís been an entire year. Hate Week i...
January 06, 2006
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute (Bar Stool) by Ray
My eyeballs freakiní hurt. Dry, itchy, I feel like I could be on a Visine commercial, except for Visine isnít helping ...
January 03, 2006
 
Connect the Dots by Ray
Whatís up, kids? New year treatiní you all right? Gettiní back into the ole swing a things? Back into the groove,...
January 03, 2006
 
Operators Are Standing By by Ray
Hereís the thing: I donít have cable. I donít have satellite. I donít watch TV. Iíll kick it on to watch a movie or...
January 02, 2006
 
Wrath pt. 7 by Ray
He kicks open the door, gun drawn, anticipating whatever. For just a second, I wish I could be up and ready, guns blaz...
January 01, 2006
 
Pull Up a Chair and a Bottle Of Antacid by Ray
So itís a brand new yearÖhow do you feel about that? Itís a little after eight in the morning as I write this, ...
January 01, 2006
 
All Over the Place by Ray
So Iím backÖagain. Iíve been pretty much living out of my suitcase since I packed it two weeks ago. I made my trip f...
December 31, 2005
 
Welcome Back by Ray
Iím back, kids. Made it back to Austin this evening, about to head out again at five tomorrow morning: from the botto...
December 24, 2005
 
Rats by Ray
So Iím sitting here, trying to work up an enthusiasm for this gigantic bottle of whiskey, trying to write something wor...
December 21, 2005
 
Beachfront Rantin' by Ray
So Iím doing a little traveling. As I type, Iím sitting in the tenth floor of a beachfront hotel in South Padre Island...
December 21, 2005
 
She Walked In...part 3 by Ray
The guy with the glowing grill, he didnít seem to like getting shot too much, but it didnít bother him enough for me to...
December 19, 2005
 
Driving Me Crazy by Ray
So Iím back from the wedding. It was about as much fun as you would expect, unless youíre the type of person who enjoy...
December 19, 2005
 
Get Packing by Ray
So Iím supposed to be packing. Got to go to a wedding this weekendónot mine. My little brother is getting hitched tom...
December 15, 2005
 
Wrath pt. 6 by Ray
ďWake up, you sonuva bitch!Ē I jerk out of my daze, and almost piss my pants. What is the matter with me? This hell...
December 14, 2005
 
Silent Night by Ray
The hallway is like maze, a new door every five feet or so, and it seems to go on forever, but he never even pauses as ...
December 13, 2005
 
Telling Stories by Ray
ĒHow was your day, Davey?Ē ďNot so good.Ē David is four years old, his grandpa is ageless. He sits in his grandp...
December 10, 2005
 
Christmas Music by Ray
One thing you may or may not know about me is that I love music mashups. To me, the only thing better than a good song...
December 09, 2005
 
Snow Day by Ray
It finally got cold down here in Austin. Not cold like in NYC, where you walk outside and your testicles cry out in ho...
December 08, 2005
 
Bluh by Ray
All right, so I finally got my pictures posted, as...
December 07, 2005
 
Waking Up (Portly Boy pt. 62) by Ray
I opened my eyes because there was someone talking near my head. Right in my ear, actually. As soon as I did it, I wi...
December 07, 2005
 
Humanity by Ray
Maybe itís just the Christmas carols talking, or maybe itís just that Iím a softy, but sometimes I feel like maybe huma...
December 05, 2005
 
The Phone Call by Ray
So Iím hanging out last night, writing, whatever. I had actually almost decided to go to bed when the phone rang. ďH...
December 03, 2005
 
Contemplating That First Shot by Ray
You know whatís fun? Knocking back those first couple of shots and then realizing that not only did you not eat today ...
December 03, 2005
 
My Day by Ray
So here we are again. I had a rat bastard of a day, and I canít decide if I want to stay up late drinking and writing,...
December 03, 2005
 
Completely Ducked Up by Ray
So howís everyone? Gettiní back into the swing of things, after the Thanksgiving break? Gettin' geared up for Christm...
December 01, 2005
 
Short and Not So Sweet by Ray
Yet another month has snuck away from me, escaped into the night like a lover that somehow managed to tear free of the ...
December 01, 2005
 
She Walked In...part 2 by Ray
I spent the rest of the afternoon sipping from the bottle I keep in the top-right drawer of my desk. In the top-left s...
November 30, 2005
 
Bowing Back In, and Other Stuff by Ray
Yeah, so I know I wrote an entire post about h...
November 30, 2005
 
Wrath pt. 5 by Ray
Heís almost hereÖhas to be. Fifty floors or not, even if heís worried about me laying some traps, heís got to be getti...
November 29, 2005
 
I Guess It's News by Ray
So Iíve made it through Thanksgiving, which turned out to be a bigger event than I had planned. I mean, I know itís a ...
November 28, 2005
 
Happy Thanksgiving by Ray
Happy Thanksgiving, indeed. Iím up several hours before the sun is, and right now I should actually be preparing the t...
November 25, 2005
 
Giving Myself the Bird by Ray
Happy Thanksgiving, I guess. I donít really know if youíre into that kind of thing. I was pretty jazzed about it a co...
November 24, 2005
 
His Wife Could Eat No Lean by Ray
So I was proofreading my last post, and I got to thinking about things. Will there ever be any anorexic people visitin...
November 18, 2005
 
Jack Sprat by Ray
Definitely tying one on tonight, boys and girls. Going to bed hungry because itís too late to be eating, and although ...
November 18, 2005
 
Left Of Center by Ray
So it finally cooled off a bit down here in Austin. Oh, jeez, I started out by talking about the weatherÖnever a good ...
November 17, 2005
 
Unhappened Memories by Ray
Sick Puppy
I hated the fact that Josephine Meriwether had the worst attitude in the enti...
November 17, 2005
 
Some Links To Look At by Ray
Hey kids. This isnít a real post, so donít get too excited. Just a couple of things I thought you might want to check...
November 16, 2005
 
Drunk Chicks and Creepiness by Ray
Iíve somehow managed to give myself a major case of the creeps. Earlier tonight, I walked out into the kitchenÖwhere a...
November 13, 2005
 
A Day That Just Gets Worse (Portly Boy pt. 61) by Ray
ďWhy donít you morons just kill me?Ē I asked. It hurt like hell to talk, but whatever. These lunatics were up to no ...
November 12, 2005
 
Mikey Likes It by Ray
You know what? Iím tired. I woke up around two this morning, wondering if I should get up and do a little writing, de...
November 12, 2005
 
The Early Bird Gets the Whiskey by Ray
2:34 amÖWake up, have to pee, try to ignore it and go back to bed. . 3:47 amÖCanít get back to sleep, out of bed, thin...
November 12, 2005
 
Pictures of A Hometown Sunrise by Ray
So I finally got some of the pictures posted from my recent trip back home. If youíre wanting pictures of skyscrapers ...
November 11, 2005
 
Public Service Announcement by Ray
You know, we at The Strangelands, or rather I at The Strangelands, tend to glorify the drinking of alcoholic bev...
November 09, 2005
 
A Break From Proof-Reading by Ray
You know what I wish? I wish I had laser beams eyes, and the lyrics to every song ever made memorized. People would t...
November 08, 2005
 
Wasted Time by Ray
12:46 on a Saturday night. My cell phone picks the strangest times to ring. Iíve had it for over a year, now, and I g...
November 06, 2005
 
Southern Garbage by Ray
Let me hear you scream it like you mean it, if you know what Iím sayiní. Cold pills, man, DayQuil rockiní my boat in w...
November 05, 2005
 
Bowing Out by Ray
So my plan was, I was going to quick let you all know that I was back and then leave you alone for tonight. Treyís bee...
November 05, 2005
 
Back Home by Ray
Iím back, boys and girls! Yeah, you can all come and give me a big hugójust ignore what my hands are doing while you h...
November 04, 2005
 
Richard's Horror by Ray
Note from Ray: I didn't get a chance to proof-read this, and I'm not too sure about the ending, b...
October 31, 2005
 
An Update by Ray
Hey Kids, this update is a few days old, but I figure you'll take what I give you, and beg for mor...
October 31, 2005
 
Not Even An Update. by Ray
Hey kids, I had an update ready to post, but I can't find any place with a decent internet connection, so this is all y...
October 29, 2005
 
Nightcap by Ray
All right, kids. Iíve been busting balls, trying to get another ďscaryĒ story posted before the 31st, but Iím not sure...
October 26, 2005
 
A Wet Toast by Ray
You know, I like a good toast. Oh, wait...no I donít. In my opinion, all toasts are just more words to get in the way...
October 24, 2005
 
Bitter As A Schoolboy by Ray
Maybe youíre not like me. Maybe you think kids are cute and adorable and funny and all kinds of shit like that. Youír...
October 22, 2005
 
County Fair by Ray
He walks slowly, making sure to look like heís enjoying himself. The jeans heís wearing are uncomfortable, too tight i...
October 21, 2005
 
Trying by Ray
Man, I have too many thoughts right now, none of them coherent, none of them worth more than a second or two, but just ...
October 21, 2005
 
I Hate Children by Ray
Okay, so hereís the thing. Remember how I told you that any store you go into, thereís going to be that little Mexican...
October 20, 2005
 
Batman Freakin' Begins, Baby! by Ray
So I went and got my movies, as planned, but the watching of them didnít go as well. I watched Land of the Dead...
October 20, 2005
 
Morning Movie Rant by Ray
So Iím up early, not doing anything in particularÖwaiting, mostly. Batman Begins comes out on DVD today, as wel...
October 18, 2005
 
Bad Poetry In Under A Minute--Abuse by Ray
Spilled papers and spilled tears, Dropping everything At the drop of a Hat. . Haunting bars and haunting Homes, ...
October 17, 2005
 
Retail Prices by Ray
I went outside tonight, just to stretch my legs, stand around, whatever. Even though I havenít smoked in four months, ...
October 17, 2005
 
Golden Girl Gone Bad (Portly Boy pt. 60) by Ray
ďYou take the good!Ē ďYou take the bad!Ē ďYou take them both and then you have! The facts of life!Ē That first v...
October 15, 2005
 
Bad Self-Pitying Poetry In Under A Minute by Ray
I canít seem to get away from myself, no matter how hard I try, the world in my skull is exploding one more time, and I...
October 14, 2005
 
Running From Office by Ray
So I went to the post office today. Iím sure this has been said a million times before, a million different ways, but ...
October 14, 2005
 
Wrath pt. 4 by Ray
ďWhatís goiní on up there, Wrath?Ē What floor is he on right now, I donít know. Heís closer, and thatís bad enough. ...
October 12, 2005
 
Tryin' To Live by Ray
I almost feel bad about posting again, if you want to know the truth. Seems like in my drunken absence, others have st...
October 12, 2005
 
A Chat About A Keyboard by Ray
So mostly this is just to try out my new keyboard. Itís got a huge spacebar. Itís not a keyboard for frillsóif you wa...
October 08, 2005
 
Some Things To Be Happy About...If You're Me, I Mean by Ray
You know, I piss and moan a lot, I sit around and complain about how things suck and all that. Because thatís what I e...
October 07, 2005
 
Another Stupid Bumper Sticker by Ray
I went to fuel up my car the other dayóan event which has never been too much fun, and which has gotten to be quite the...
October 06, 2005
 
Join Us... by Ray
I want to tell you all something. I donít know Dave Riley. Iím pleased as punch that heís found his way here, fromÖwe...
October 05, 2005
 
2 Tie-ed Ta Right by Ray
My fingers are tired tonight, they want to go to bed, but I wonít quite let them. Why? I wonder. Is it for me? N...
October 05, 2005
 
Kneel Before the Smoothie King! by Ray
Okay, so maybe I should apologizeóI havenít really had any top-notch stuff so far this month, and it doesnít look like ...
October 03, 2005
 
Another Night Of Nothing by Ray
Hello boys and girls. I donít really have anything for you tonightónot that I know of, anyways. You never can tell, y...
October 02, 2005
 
Hold This by Ray
I canít think of anything to write about. Sometimes, when I think about time machines, I wonder if a future meósome cr...
October 01, 2005
 
Trick Or Trizzle For Rizzle...Because I'm Down, Yo by Ray
Ah, Octoberóthis is where the year gets fun. We have a night dedicated to scaring the shit out of little kidsówhat cou...
October 01, 2005
 
Bad Poetry In Two Minutes by Ray
One more, just in case you want one. Stupid-early in the morning, work in a bit, but why not? Fear in the back, nibb...
September 30, 2005
 
2 Heart Beats pt. 14 by Ray
Shit, man. I had a teacher once, she said that people who used cuss words were too ignorant to think up anything bet...
September 30, 2005
 
Oven Lovin' by Ray
This is more than likely a bad idea, this climbing out of bed and beginning to write. But at this point, I think stayi...
September 30, 2005
 
Time To Get Your Crayons And Your Pencils by Ray
So I added some new pictures. None of them are...
September 26, 2005
 
Resignation Letter by Ray
I just finished typing my resignation letter. Itís shortóonly three or four sentencesóand itís pretty lame. But it ha...
September 26, 2005
 
Cracked Oyster by Ray
What? . ................................................................................................................
September 24, 2005
 
Hurricane Sales by Ray
I go in to work today, itís pretty much like any other day, with a few exceptions that make it worse than most daysóbro...
September 23, 2005
 
Exercising My Demons by Ray
So Iím bringing in groceries the other day, right? I get them all carried up the stairs, and Iím trying to not huff an...
September 20, 2005
 
Dead Kittens and Other Prizes by Ray
You know what pisses me off? No more prizes in cereal boxes. At best, you get a stupid little maze on the back, and i...
September 18, 2005
 
An Old Rescue (Portly Boy pt. 59) by Ray
ďAre you kidding me?Ē Arnie said something in reply, but I couldnít hear him because of Mandyís laughter. I tried to...
September 17, 2005
 
Wrath pt. 3 by Ray
I hear the steps creak, it sounds like heís about fifteen stories up. Petey. Now thereís a story. We started out as ...
September 13, 2005
 
Get Me My Soapbox, Sonny by Ray
So I was sitting around tonight, listening to some music, and just sort of thinking about thingsÖalways a bad idea, in ...
September 13, 2005
 
Getting Out Of Work--Lesson One by Ray
Itís Sunday night, and I find myself in front of the computer once more, dreading the job that I have to go to at seven...
September 12, 2005
 
A Visitor (Portly Boy pt. 58) by Ray
Eight in the morning, which is really just one of those fabled hours, as far as Iím concerned. For a second, I canít e...
September 11, 2005
 
New Computer 2 by Ray
Back again, on the new computer. A little scared to put any work into anything, as it likes to turn off at random time...
September 11, 2005
 
New Computer by Ray
So Trey sent me a computer in the mail. Itís pretty sweet, at first glance. Then you start hooking it up, you start t...
September 10, 2005
 
Talk Of Soup by Ray
I discovered something about myself the other day, and although itís not a traumatic discovery, itís always sort of str...
September 08, 2005
 
A Really Long Review Of House On Haunted Hill by Ray
(Authorís note: I wrote this movie review while watching the movie, and itís too long to proof read, so there are proba...
September 07, 2005
 
Labor Day by Ray
So I made it through another bullshit holiday. I remember once, when I lived in New York, Iím sitting there, Ií gettin...
September 06, 2005
 
Video Games and Appliances by Ray
I woke up a little after the crack of dawn this morning, and I turned on the oleí PS2. I then proceeded to play Prince...
September 05, 2005
 
Stupid Story About Suds by Ray
So Carey decided to step in for a dance, I see, dropping my name like the social climber she is. In case youíre wonder...
September 05, 2005
 
Wrath pt. 2 by Ray
My real name isnít important, really. I left it behind so long ago that most people donít even realize that I have one...
September 03, 2005
 
Wrath pt. 1 by Ray
Nothing feels right tonight. Things going on that are more than likely none of your business, or entirely too much you...
September 02, 2005
 
And He Said... by Ray
Random quotes because I got nothiní tonight. ďThat girl makes me nervous in ways that it makes me shudder to th...
September 02, 2005
 
Starting Out Rihgt (Not Right) by Ray
Iím going to tell you a little about my morning. See, sometimes people tell me Iím too cynical, Iím too jaded, Iím too...
September 01, 2005
 
Better Than A Buck by Ray
September. How exciting. It starts with an ess, ends with an are, and thereís nothing but fun in between, right? Ií...
September 01, 2005
 
Bed Time...Again by Ray
Sunday night, and I should be going to bedÖagain. But I wonítÖagain. I hate going to bed, man, I really do. So Iím s...
August 29, 2005
 
From Here To There by Ray
So I was looking back over some old stuff today, stuff I wrote in the little notebook I used to carry in my backpack wh...
August 27, 2005
 
Backup...failed by Ray
If I was prepared, this would be my backup rant. This would be the thing that I posted when I was beat to the core, ti...
August 26, 2005
 
Double Life by Ray
A Note From Ray: Listen, man, this story is not a happy one. I started it a long time...
August 25, 2005
 
A Very Tame And Well-Balanced Rant by Ray
There has been talk lately of me being tooÖwhatís a good way to put this? Glum, lately. I donít see it, but it...
August 25, 2005
 
Skittles Rain Would Also Be Cool by Ray
I have a lot to be happy about, if you want to know the truth. I look around, and I see that Iíve got it really good. ...
August 23, 2005
 
Early Morning Rant by Ray
So I got up this morning, and I had to run out to my car for a second. I went outside, and the moon was still out. An...
August 22, 2005
 
Eat Burrito or Eat Sh...Um. Nothing. by Ray
I wanted to share something with you tonight. It wasnít much, really. Just a little image to let you know that I was ...
August 20, 2005
 
Enough About More Stuff by Ray
I used to live in the same apartment as Trey, in case you didnít know. He used to wander out into my room, sometimes s...
August 20, 2005
 
Period....period.Period........... by Ray
ÖÖÖÖWait for me, Iím getting too far behind, ÖÖ.You are further away than the shadows, Ö.And they are growing closer, ...
August 18, 2005
 
Random Nonsense, Just For A Minute by Ray
Feeling much better tonightónot so manic. Iíve made it through the better part of Season Six of The Simpsons, and Iíve...
August 18, 2005
 
Moe Bad Kahmah by Ray
Oh, you mad, crazy fools. Iíve been up since some entirely unreasonable hour, and Iím still awake, wondering where the...
August 17, 2005
 
The Diner by Ray
Sitting in the diner, the rain is pouring down like a Hollywood effect, itís ridiculous. I stare at the circle of spil...
August 17, 2005
 
Building Bad Karma With Interest by Ray
I started a rant tonight, but itís carrying on like you wouldnít believe, about all kinds of dumb stuff that nobody car...
August 16, 2005
 
Testing... by Ray
I was talking to this guy that I work with today, and he was telling me aboutÖwell, I guess you could maybe call it one...
August 13, 2005
 
Free Music and My Brita Commercials by Ray
All right, kids, itís been a pretty lousy day, but I havenít started killing it with booze yet, so I donít want to talk...
August 13, 2005
 
2 HB 12 by Ray
I could give a damn about the fat guy in the next room, and to me, thatís one of the weirdest things about this entire ...
August 11, 2005
 
Too Bad About Reproduction, Sometimes by Ray
Man, the things I do for you people. Iím sleepy and my eyes feel like theyíre on fire. I want to just turn off the co...
August 10, 2005
 
A Not-So-Swift Kick To Reality's Groin by Ray
Well kids, itís another night, and Iím not sure how I feel about that. Iím here, youíre here, I guess we should try to...
August 09, 2005
 
Right In the Neck, Dear by Ray
Throatís all sore from laughing. Whatís the point of giving up the smokes if you canít laugh for a solid two hours wit...
August 07, 2005
 
There's A Party In My Ear, And You're All Invited! by Ray
Iím sort of at peace with the world tonight, which generally makes for pretty lame writing. But itís been a good eveni...
August 07, 2005
 
A Rant About Everything by Ray
All right, kids, I donít have much time tonight. Itís been a long day, and Iíve got another one tomorrow. But I just ...
August 06, 2005
 
Make Me, And I'll Make You by Ray
* Hello, boys and girls. Well, itís now officially too late to start drinking, no...
August 05, 2005
 
Time You'll Never Get Back by Ray
So I had yesterday off. You know what I did? Practically nothing, man. I just sat around, looking at various garbage...
August 04, 2005
 
Roof-real by Ray
Just got off a rather strange phone callóa ďconferenceĒ call with my friends from NYC, Trey and Carey. They kept calli...
August 03, 2005
 
All My Dates End Like This (Portly Boy pt. 57) by Ray
One thing I really hate about my life is how often I get knocked out. Like if you went to work every day, and you cons...
August 03, 2005
 
Jerking Your Mind For Another Month by Ray
Well kids, here we are: a brand new month. August. Is there any month more exciting? I think we can all agree that ...
August 01, 2005
 
Wal-Mart by Ray
So I was in Target the other day, because Target absolutely freakiní rocks. Except for their super stores. Yeah, man,...
July 31, 2005
 
The Doublesh by Ray
Well kids, itís about 12:30, and I havenít even taken my first drink. Itís getting down to clutch time for drinking, y...
July 31, 2005
 
I Had This Dream... by Ray
I generally write posts at night, after a long day of listening to customers bitch and my bosses make asses out of them...
July 30, 2005
 
Dull and Wasted by Ray
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July 28, 2005
 
Stumbling In the Dark by Ray
Work with me, Iíll go as long as I can, but I need your support, and if you canít do it, neither can I. I crash with a...
July 28, 2005
 
The Ultimate Battle Dies. + Kids and Therapy by Ray
Hey kids. Listen, man, about the ultimate battle thingÖitís been done. Yeah, Iím sure none of you are surprised. To ...
July 28, 2005
 
Sea Monkey Cult by Ray
Itís hard for me to write when things are going good. Nothing to hide from, nothing to ignore, just life skipping alon...
July 27, 2005
 
Freddy vs. Superman by Ray
Hereís what would happen in a fight between Superman and Freddy. Freddy being the menace from all the Nightmare on Elm...
July 25, 2005
 
I'll Take "What Is the Question?" For Two Hundred, Alex by Ray
Well kids, Iíve got some pretty big news. I proposed the option of marriage to my princess the other day. In case you...
July 24, 2005
 
Smoke Jonesing and Ewok Dreams by Ray
Just sitting around, trying to get in the groove. Man, I had such big plans. I mean, The Ultimate Battle! How can yo...
July 24, 2005
 
Batman vs. The Crow by Ray
ďWelcome to the events today, ladies and gentlemen! My name is Gentry OíMally, and beside me is Tug Whattabe.Ē ďHowy...
July 24, 2005
 
The Ultimate Battle by Ray
Okay, boys and girls, I gotta lot to tell you about, but I donít know if Iím going to get around to it. Just about eve...
July 24, 2005
 
80's Music Is Bad For the Brain by Ray
Well, itís Thursday night, and you know what that means, donít you? No you donít, little liar. You donít know what it...
July 22, 2005
 
Arnie's Date--The Return (Portly Boy pt. 56) by Ray
ďI couldnít help noticing youíre still sitting there on that couch,Ē Mandy said to me. ďI couldnít help noticing that...
July 20, 2005
 
Mix In Two Cups Sugar by Ray
What are we in the mood for tonight? Iím feeling pretty serene, believe it or not. Not feeling too angry, not too hos...
July 19, 2005
 
Two Heartbeats Part 10 by Ray
BEFORE READING THIS, READ: ...
July 18, 2005
 
Rewards and Punishments by Ray
Hey, kids. Feels like itís been a long time since my last post, at least to me. You know why? Because when you stop ...
July 17, 2005
 
Same Old Rant by Ray
I was looking back over some pictures this evening, and unfortunately found myself in some of them. One thing I notice...
July 13, 2005
 
Arnie's Date--Countdown (Portly Boy pt. 55) by Ray
Usually, when I have a half-bottle of whiskey in my hand, what Iím doing is concentrating on making it an all-the-way e...
July 12, 2005
 
Where Have You Fallen? by Ray
A walking calamity, What have you been UP to This time? . Weak excuse, Boogey man bullshit, What are we expected t...
July 10, 2005
 
Empathy by Ray
Sometimes I feel like I should explain myself to everyone, like I should tell them that Iím really not a horribl...
July 10, 2005
 
An Adventure by Ray
Iíll be honest with you, kids: Iím just not feeliní it tonight. Iím sitting here in front of this computer mostly bec...
July 08, 2005
 
My Fourth of July by Ray
You know, Iím usually pretty bitter, and thatís cool. You go with your strengths, you know? But if youíre looking for...
July 08, 2005
 
Public Offense by Ray
Hey Kids. I hope you all had a wonderful July Fourth, contrary to how it might have sounded in my holiday post. Youíd...
July 06, 2005
 
Bad Poetry...Because I Think It's Funny by Ray
I had an hour to kill And I made it A Messy one. . Youíll never understand Where the cuts Came from. . I like ...
July 04, 2005
 
Happy Hodilaysh!!! by Ray
Well, here we are, The Fourth Of July. I bet none of you are reading this, though, are you? Youíre all out, having fu...
July 04, 2005
 
Extraction (Portly Boy pt. 54) by Ray
ďI donít think Iím very comfortable with all of this,Ē I said. ďGood,Ē Mandy told me. ďIt you were comfortable with ...
July 04, 2005
 
Next Morning by Ray
Itís his breath that wakes me up, I think. Once Iím awake, itís difficult to say for sure what woke me up. Maybe itís...
July 03, 2005
 
Last Line by Ray
Hey Kids, So Iím working on 4 days as a not-smoking guy, and Iím telling you right nowóIím not going to make it. I m...
July 03, 2005
 
Another Stupid-Hot Month by Ray
I took a minute this evening to look back over some old issues, and it was sort of weird. Last year at this time, I wa...
July 02, 2005
 
No Smoking by Ray
At the time of this writing, itís 7:47 pm on June 29, 2005, and youíll never believe what Iíve been doing. Well, maybe...
June 30, 2005
 
Ice by Ray
Well kids, itís about the end of the night for me. Itís too early to be going to bed, especially considering that I do...
June 29, 2005
 
Homeless Words by Ray
Floss Ďtill you bleed, Make sure thereís Nothing To make you feel uncomfortable. . Root out All evil, Weíll purge...
June 29, 2005
 
Look Close, Or Look Away by Ray
You know what Iíve been thinking about a lot lately? There was this time I went down to Florida for a school trip. Ok...
June 28, 2005
 
The Dentist (Portly Boy pt. 53) by Ray
I refuse to believe that thereís anyone out there that isnít afraid of a visit to the dentist, just as I refuse to beli...
June 27, 2005
 
The Island by Ray
I sit on the deck, smoking my cigarette, listening, knowing that it wonít be long now. I wonder what itís going to be...
June 24, 2005
 
But Enough...Enough by Ray
Hey kids, Iím sure youíre all waiting anxiously to see how Iím doing at this whole waking-up-too-damn-early thing that...
June 23, 2005
 
Boiling Things, Soiled Dreams by Ray
Itís probably just an over-active imagination, but the monsters are creeping tonight. I canít turn around without the ...
June 18, 2005
 
Shiny, Happy People by Ray
Geez, Carey, I missed your shiny little posts around here, man. My ass has gotten a little out of shape, what with not...
June 18, 2005
 
Tall, Frosty Glass of Rage-ahol by Ray
Hey, kids. Itís been awhile since Iíve ranted about my job, so I guess weíre about due. Itís not my fault that I have...
June 17, 2005
 
Captured...Again (Portly Boy pt. 52) by Ray
I didnít know what to expect when the elevator doors opened, but I sure wasnít expecting some hippy sitting around nude...
June 16, 2005
 
Host Posties by Ray
Six oíclock in the morning, boys and girls. For the next two weeks. My princess has started her student teaching, and...
June 14, 2005
 
For Years by Ray
You know, very rarely do I get excited: trips to Taco Bell, when I get to go watch a movie, when I see a deer outsideÖ...
June 12, 2005
 
Cool FX by Ray
The red bird stares At me, And I can almost See a smile. . I hate the way My mouth tastes: Like an ashtray Thatí...
June 11, 2005
 
Awry by Ray
Sitting at my desk, fighting terminal yawns. My red glass is full of bright white ice cubes, and thereís a shot glass ...
June 11, 2005
 
A Really Long Review Of The Last Starfighter by Ray
[A note from Ray: I typed this while I was watching the movie, and I know there are lots of mistakes. I didn't feel li...
June 10, 2005
 
Not Much by Ray
Hey Crew, I posted some new pictures tonight, pre...
June 09, 2005
 
This May Be Hazardous To Your Health by Ray
Okay, Strangelanders, hereís the thing: Iíve started exercising. Swimming. I went down to the pool the other night, ...
June 08, 2005
 
Real, Shmeal by Ray
Am I for real? Are you? Thinking about questions like these lead to disaster, in my opinion and experience. Thereís ...
June 08, 2005
 
Traffic by Ray
So I was talking to Trey the other night, and he starts reading the statistics to me. Weíve been friends a long time, ...
June 05, 2005
 
Screaming Dinosaurs by Ray
The needleís in the red tonight, and I can feel my brain stripping gears and spitting oil. What a day, what a day. Th...
June 04, 2005
 
Into the Lair (Portly Boy pt. 51) by Ray
You know those people who walk around spouting clichťs, making nonsensical remarks that are supposed to make the world ...
June 04, 2005
 
Ray's Rental Ru...I Can't Think Of Another "R" Word by Ray
June 03, 2005
 
Surprise! by Ray
Well, heck. I guess we made it to another issue. I went to enter a story, and when I got it posted, my computer told ...
June 01, 2005
 
Compared To This... by Ray
I posted some new pictures, but they arenít all that cool, so if youíre looking to see something wonderful, go to a por...
May 30, 2005
 
It's Your World by Ray
Too many lonely thoughts tonight, itís hard to write. Some idea pops up, and it seems like a good one, but then thereí...
May 29, 2005
 
Pet This by Ray
I fell asleep early this evening, which is kind of my habit on Friday: get home, watch The Simpsons, sleep for a few h...
May 28, 2005
 
Hope, Shmope by Ray
Well into overtime with only seconds on the clock, where do we go from here? Who are you when the lies have been stri...
May 27, 2005
 
Preparation (Portly Boy pt. 50) by Ray
ďYou donít look as bad as you usually do after we spend a night drinking like graves are going out of style,Ē Arnie sai...
May 27, 2005
 
Club Rooster (with intro) by Ray
Hello, children. I was going to try to finish up another Portly Boy tonight, but it didnít work out too well. What h...
May 25, 2005
 
Deep Breathing and Fur by Ray
Unless youíve been living under some sort of wonderful media-dampening rock, or unless youíve had a surgical procedure ...
May 25, 2005
 
Dark Time by Ray
I had a disconcerting moment a bit ago, involving the world. What happened was, I stepped out onto my deck for a quick...
May 21, 2005
 
Sha-ha-ha-low (A Pseudo-Philosophical Rant) by Ray
(Note: I wrote this the morning after Trey posted Bibles, Bullets, and Weds. Whiskey. Due to circumstance, Iím only po...
May 21, 2005
 
The Doctor (Portly Boy pt. 49) by Ray
I could hear the things going on around me, I could feel the light trying to penetrate my eyelids, but I couldnít move....
May 18, 2005
 
My Brother's Graduation...Sort Of by Ray
All right, kids, I donít really have anything to work with tonight, so try to work with me. If we all take a few drink...
May 15, 2005
 
Fed Up by Ray
Hey Gang, I feel like I need to share something with you. No, not only NEED to share, but I feel that I ABSOLUTELY MU...
May 10, 2005
 
The Escape (Portly Boy pt. 48) by Ray
I woke up slowly and painfully, not wanting to do it, but unable to keep it from happening. I do a kind of all-body ma...
May 09, 2005
 
Whatever, Man by Ray
Full-moon nights and Mind-chaps, We all have our issues. . Iím slipping on candied nothingness, the only thing aro...
May 08, 2005
 
Left Alone With A Scrambled Brain by Ray
Hiding from the sun in the middle of the night, The light is a truth poison That I donít want to ingest. . Itís be...
May 06, 2005
 
Captured (Portly Boy pt. 47) by Ray
I didnít feel any heatóthat was the weird part. Just a little shaking, and an odd little floating sensation. If you w...
May 06, 2005
 
Won't You Be My Neighbor? by Ray
Glad you could join us once again. I feel like a depraved sort of Mr. Rogers, sometimes: walking through the door, ch...
May 03, 2005
 
U Crash, I HOP by Ray
Itís bedtime, boys and girls. Iíve probably got just enough time to tell a bedtime story, so Iíll tell it, if youíre w...
April 29, 2005
 
Wassa Rant? by Ray
Reverse meditation. Red everything, and feelings of unease: . . Levitate your laundry, it doesnít matter. You see...
April 29, 2005
 
Luggage Of Ghosts by Ray
Listen to the secret whispers, Hidden among the ancient Things In the attic. . What do they want? What do they say...
April 29, 2005
 
I Suck by Ray
All right, kids, here it is: the story where Iím not a complete badass and cool cat. Yeah, I know: you all though...
April 29, 2005
 
Lost and Forgotten by Ray
ďDo you have the answers?Ē I donít know who sheís asking, but I donít feel like talking, so I just assume sheís talkin...
April 28, 2005
 
The Past With a Wicked Grin by Ray
Oh, man. Memories crashing like unwarranted hiccups, like thoughts lost, like hearts broken. Iíve got something like ...
April 27, 2005
 
The Scheme Explained (Portly Boy pt. 46) by Ray
ďYou know, this isnít at all what I expected,Ē Arnie said. Somebody like Arnie, you donít even want to know what he w...
April 23, 2005
 
Pets by Ray
Hi. I was hoping to get another Portly Boy posted tonight, but I didnít count on my bizarre attention span. Oops. ...
April 23, 2005
 
Pictures Added by Ray
Well, here we are. Itís just you and I, and the occasional shadow. The dog downstairs is barking like mad, he always ...
April 19, 2005
 
Animal People (Portly Boy pt. 45) by Ray
I woke up again, and was much more comfortable with it than I had been that morning. I had a headache, for one thing, ...
April 19, 2005
 
A Goodnight Rant by Ray
Short one tonightónot much booze to drink, and nothing important to say. The only reason Iím writing anything anyways ...
April 17, 2005
 
A Day On the Couch by Ray
ďRay, tell me a story.Ē I sit up suddenly, a sweat forming on my forehead immediately and cooling almost as quickly. ...
April 16, 2005
 
Suicide, Anyone? by Ray
Wednesday, halfway through the week, and it doesnít look good. Up since six this morning, growing to hate mornings mor...
April 14, 2005
 
Caffeine (Portly Boy pt. 44) by Ray
I woke up by myself, no drunk guy yelling, no phone ringing, no alarms going off. Itís a pretty nice way to wake upóif...
April 10, 2005
 
A Day In the Park by Ray
ďRay, tell me a story.Ē Thatís what the child says. Heís got dark hair, brown, but so dark that it almost looks blac...
April 06, 2005
 
Violence In Movies...and at Taco Bell by Ray
Once again in a pretty crappy mood, I donít know what the hellís wrong with me lately. Had a cool day: my princess br...
April 06, 2005
 
A Sneeze In the Dark by Ray
Clogged brain, churning, like a motor greased with honey. Hot and sticky and bad-off. I made it through April Foolís ...
April 03, 2005
 
Fool Me Once, Shame On You. Fool Me Twice, I'll Destroy Everything You Love by Ray
April first, man. The highlight of my day is going to be starting a new issue of The Strangelands. The low point will...
April 01, 2005
 
Last Shot Of the Month by Ray
What up, boys and girls? I sat around typing tonight, loving the way my fingers sound as they bounce off the keys. Go...
March 31, 2005
 
Mood Like A Week-Dead Rat by Ray
Night time. Gotsta go to bed early tonight, gotsa wake up early tomorrow. Sucks. Nothiní goiní on: watched TV, clea...
March 30, 2005
 
Lunch Break by Ray
The mysterious, infallible they. Holding you back, holding you down, holding you everywhere except for where you want ...
March 30, 2005
 
Thin Line by Ray
Wading through pre-work limbo. Too early to start getting ready, too late to actually do anything constructive with my...
March 29, 2005
 
Aftermath Of an Escape (Portly Boy pt. 43) by Ray
ďUuuhhh. What happened?Ē Arnie sat up all slow, rubbing his chin a little and looking around. I had been trying to ...
March 27, 2005
 
Homeless Dot Com by Ray
All right, hereís the question: Is it wrong to use the desperation of others to further the popularity of The Strangel...
March 25, 2005
 
Freakin' Villains Everywhere (Portly Boy pt. 42) by Ray
ďYou gotta be kidding me,Ē I said. Iím standing there with a bag of athletic crotch-protection gear in one hand, and a...
March 23, 2005
 
Cup'la Stowies by Ray
Well kids, here we are. Itís a little early tonight, but itís been a weird day, and Iím ready for nightfall. I always...
March 23, 2005
 
Bats by Ray
All right, so hereís what happened: I was hanging out, just kind of thinking about what I wanted to write (settled on ...
March 22, 2005
 
Headache Night by Ray
Trying to jump-start, but it just isnít working. Everything seems too long, every word is hiding, and I have to seek o...
March 22, 2005
 
Where To Start (Portly Boy pt. 41) by Ray
I woke up, feeling like something had woken me up. I glanced at the clock and saw that it was only twelve-ten in the a...
March 22, 2005
 
See What I See by Ray
I donít even think I know anymore, man. I used to think I had at least some of the answers, but Iím pretty sure that w...
March 20, 2005
 
Bleak Winter Day by Ray
ďBeen around the world and found that only stupid people are breeding.Ē ÖÖHarvey Danger Oh, man. Four in the morning...
March 15, 2005
 
Haircut by Ray
I talked a while back about how hard it was for me to decide on a style of haircut--being a fat guy, you can screw up an...
March 14, 2005
 
Alzheimerís by Ray
Waking up from nightmares of love, Muscles cramping, And screams that cannot be retained, Concealed. . . Tears dr...
March 13, 2005
 
Generations by Ray
(Authorís note: I wrote this a while back, when I was living in NYC. I didnít have a website to vent on back then, so ...
March 13, 2005
 
Short-Timer@Home by Ray
ďWhere were you at, psycho-boy?Ē ďI wanted to destroy something beautiful.Ē Ö.óFight Club . Donít know where Iíve...
March 13, 2005
 
Crazy Times (Portly Boy pt. 40) by Ray
One of the things I hate most about my talking car is that it never says anything good. It never says something like, ...
March 13, 2005
 
Two Heartbeats part 8 by Ray
Mr. Sneedleís classroom was on the first floor, but it was still about a five foot drop from the window. And because I...
March 13, 2005
 
Dragon Crap and Other Cool Stuff by Ray
Lost in undulating clouds and burning eyes. Where am I? I know where I am, but I still ask the question because itís ...
March 12, 2005
 
Visions of Doom by Ray
Moonlight cleanses me, Washing away Doubt and worry. Purging falsities. . Society is a grass fire, Burning away a...
March 10, 2005
 
Revenge Is A Dish Best Served With Hot Pockets (Portly Boy pt. 39) by Ray
ďSo whatís the plan?Ē That was Arnie. It seems like heís always asking me that, usually when thereís some major catas...
March 08, 2005
 
Too Long At the Alter by Ray
Trying to avoid getting sucked through The filter of society, Because we all know Iíll never make it out Alive. . ...
March 08, 2005
 
You CAN Keep A Fat Man Down (Portly Boy pt. 38) by Ray
Life is a weird thing. Iím not talking about sex-with-puppet fetish websites or about those old ladies who are always ...
March 06, 2005
 
Lost It by Ray
A little too gone to be dealing with life as we know itÖ . . . Watch this, and be scared: Tongue-kissing ghosts ...
March 04, 2005
 
Doing Something To The Beat Of A Different Drummer by Ray
Well, here we are: in March. Christmas is a faded memory. Those idiots with no concept of time have finally stopped ...
March 02, 2005
 
New Month, Same Old Resentment by Ray
Itís a new month again, in case you havenít noticed. Iím sure there are all kinds of amazing things going on around be...
March 02, 2005
 
Never Enough Weekend by Ray
Iím sitting here with my coffee cup of bourbon, just got done watching the Academy Awards. Wasnít too impressed, but I...
February 28, 2005
 
An Update, Of Sorts by Ray
Whatís up, Loyal Readers? Not much here. Just kind of hanging around the house, trying not to melt. It was a warm d...
February 21, 2005
 
Hurt Me by Ray
Sleeping in the shadows Of lost hope. What is the point? . There are no answers, And the questions are idiotic. Is...
February 18, 2005
 
A Really Boring Post by Ray
Iíve been sitting here for an hour, and I havenít written anything. Donít know what to write about, really. Iíve been...
February 18, 2005
 
I Got the Other Half by Ray
I remember Late night stumblings, Brotha be drunk! Noisy as hell everything. Haircuts, By friends, for friends. ...
February 10, 2005
 
Two Heartbeats part 7 by Ray
I stared at the pile of envelopes for a long time. Yeah, I guess I knew right then that she was gone. It wasnít as ra...
February 10, 2005
 
Good Night, My Peeps by Ray
Once again itís late at night, and once again I have to get up early. Just finished the latest Portly Boy installment....
February 08, 2005
 
The End (Portly Boy pt. 37) by Ray
ďWhatís the plan?Ē That was Mandy. ďYeah, man, what IS the plan?Ē That was Arnie. The fact that these people were...
February 08, 2005
 
Haircut by Ray
I need a haircut. I was thinking Mohawk, but my sweet princess shot that idea down pretty quick. I suppose I could go...
February 08, 2005
 
My Brother by Ray
Iíve been thinking about my brother. I donít know why, really. Just have. Heís growing up, and I have been getting o...
February 05, 2005
 
Just One...Or Two by Ray
A question. And if you canít answer honestly, ÖÖÖ.please ÖÖÖÖÖdonít ÖÖÖÖÖÖÖÖbother ÖÖÖÖanswering ÖÖÖÖÖ...at ÖÖ...
February 04, 2005
 
Board Games and Tampons by Ray
(Author's note: I found this in my old files--I wrote it back when I was living in NYC, but just never posted it. I th...
February 04, 2005
 
Texas Wisdom by Ray
Runniní on fumes for sure. Itís just after midnight, and Iíve barely been able to keep my eyes open since around noon....
February 04, 2005
 
Two Heartbeats part 6 by Ray
I woke up with a monstrous headache, and my stomach felt like it might erupt at any second. I was in my bed, fully dre...
February 03, 2005
 
Gunfight (Portly Boy pt. 36) by Ray
ďWhat the hell is the matter with you?Ē That was Mandy, and she was screaming. At me. I was getting dressed up in my...
February 03, 2005
 
Time Does Fly by Ray
Well, here we are, together. A year. Honestly, I never really thought we would make it longer than two months. But h...
February 03, 2005
 
Oh, Ye Of Little Faith by Ray
It seems I have been called out. Iím surprised it doesnít happen more, what with all the shit I talk around here. ...
January 27, 2005
 
Portly Goes Profound (Portly Boy pt. 35) by Ray
It was a pretty quiet night. I was cruising in the Portmobile, alone. It was a strange feeling, really. Usually, the...
January 26, 2005
 
Health Care For All Of Us by Ray
Wow. Before you read this, you need to check out Treyís post with the ďClick MeĒ link (ďYou gotta be kiddingĒ). Af...
January 26, 2005
 
Two Heartbeats pt. 5 by Ray
Five years, man. Think about it for a second, if you feel like it. In five years, a newborn infant will be going to s...
January 23, 2005
 
Corrupt Puppies Corrupt Absolutely by Ray
So I read the latest installment of the Two Heartbeats thing. I donít even know, man. Seems like alls I do these days...
January 23, 2005
 
Ruling the World by Ray
Itís late, and I have to work early. A pretty hideous combination, even in an ordinary context. But, as we all know, ...
January 23, 2005
 
A Daring Rescue (Portly Boy pt. 34) by Ray
ďI am Seductress! And you will bend to my will!Ē ďNice tits.Ē That was me, in case you were wondering. Yeah, crude...
January 16, 2005
 
Drunkenness and Popularity by Ray
Well, here we are. I donít know if I have anything to say, really, what with Hyde not posting any of her practically-t...
January 16, 2005
 
Puppies Corrupt by Ray
I swear, man. Itís like sometimes Hyde just doesnít understand the world around her. And thatís fine. I can relate t...
January 15, 2005
 
Arnie Abducted (Portly Boy pt. 33) by Ray
ďCome on, man. Just a few clips? I wonít even credit them to you.Ē ďShut UP, Arnie!Ē That first voice, that was Ar...
January 11, 2005
 
When I Grow Up by Ray
Hate Week. The perfect time to talk about my dreams, my goals, my aspirations. If you donít know me very well, you mi...
January 09, 2005
 
Two Heartbeats pt. 3 by Ray
In short, what I had seen was the end of the world. Not as fun as you might imagine. I couldnít decide if I should pu...
January 09, 2005
 
A Villain UnmaskedÖAnd Emasculated (Portly Boy pt. 32) by Ray
You want to know what really bugs me? Iím sure you donít, but Iíll tell you anyways. Actually, lots of stuff really b...
January 09, 2005
 
Hate Week At Work by Ray
I would love to think that everyone in Austin reads The Strangelands. I would love to think that everyone was so enamo...
January 08, 2005
 
Like That by Ray
Life, in the strictest sense of the word, goes on. . . Like that. . . Like a zillion people bumping into each oth...
January 06, 2005
 
Hate Week Marches On by Ray
No, Carey. Itís not ďDislike Week.Ē HATE Week, okay? Donít take this away from me. Sorry I put your puppy on the h...
January 06, 2005
 
Things To Do For Hate Week by Ray
Itís Hate Week here at The Strangelands, and Iím really enjoying it. As much as I would love to just sit around and ta...
January 06, 2005
 
Hate Week by Ray
Leave it to Hyde, man. The tag line, in case you havenít noticed, is ďNo Time For Love, Dr. Jones.Ē One of the best ...
January 06, 2005
 
Morons With Memories and Idiots With Cars by Ray
[Authorís note: I wrote this in the last week of December, but it seemed like too cynical a post to end the year with. ...
January 06, 2005
 
New Year, Same Old Addictions by Ray
Well, it seems as though weíve ushered in a new year. Someone has done something like ushered in, apparentlyóitís all ...
January 05, 2005
 
Two Heartbeats From Falling by Ray
My mom used to tell me that everybody was psychic. She said most people just ignore it; she said they didnít WANT to k...
December 19, 2004
 
A Slight Introduction by Ray
Back in the day, before we had The Strangelands to play around with, Carey, Trey, and me had a different way to express...
December 19, 2004
 
When It Rains, It Pours by Ray
The rain brings out the fight in people, I guess, at least in my apartment complex. Iíve always found the rain soothin...
December 19, 2004
 
Ode To the Guy In the White Truck by Ray
Man, youíre so lucky I donít know what an ode is, But you still suck. . Whatís the big deal? Donít you know about ...
December 16, 2004
 
The Dark Side Of Mandy (Portly Boy pt. 31) by Ray
ďWake up!Ē ďNo.Ē That second voice, that was me. That first voice, I didnít know who the hell that was, but it sure...
December 14, 2004
 
A Crush Crushed (Portly Boy pt. 30) by Ray
ďThe Amazing Portly Boy then raced off into the night, Portly Song blaring. Back to you, Janet.Ē ďThanks, Tom,Ē the ...
December 07, 2004
 
Deck the Halls...Or That Lady Who Just Got the Last Gameboy by Ray
Itís December, in case you havenít noticed. The holiday season is officially here, I guessóand I donít just mean like ...
December 07, 2004
 
A Special November 29th by Ray
Thanksgiving has come and gone, one more time. Both my mom and my brother have made it home, safe and sound, and they ...
November 29, 2004
 
The Roof, The Roof, The Roof Is On Fire (Portly Boy pt. 29) by Ray
We sped through traffic. Manipulating traffic in this city never easy. Speeding through it is damn near impossible. ...
November 27, 2004
 
Thanksgiving Thoughts... by Ray
Itís about two thirty in the morningÖHappy Thanksgiving, everyone. Iíve got to get up in a few hours and put the turke...
November 25, 2004
 
Time Out (Portly Boy pt. 28) by Ray
All right. Believe it or not, The Amazing Portly Boy does, on occasion, engage inÖum, certain carnal activities. At p...
November 21, 2004
 
Eww... by Ray
Sleeping naked tonight, Try not to use your imagination on that one. My clothes are soggy, And my world is stale. ...
November 21, 2004
 
And the Mental Babysitter Gets Fired by Ray
Iím putting this one under ďThe Rants.Ē I guess it should maybe go under ďWhiskey Pages,Ē as Iíve been drinking, but I...
November 21, 2004
 
A Night of Tears and Kisses by Ray
Velvet tears on frozen concrete, weíre all falling. I listen close as the floors creak and the statues groan, and I di...
November 21, 2004
 
Bacon Grease by Ray
(Authorís note: I found this crap buried in a stack of papers from when I worked as a cook at The Kettleóa pancake hous...
November 15, 2004
 
A Few Words To the Customer by Ray
If youíve ever worked in customer service, you know just what Iím talking aboutÖ If youíve never worked in customer...
November 15, 2004
 
Captain Pizza-Guy Returns (Portly Boy pt. 27) by Ray
Arnie didnít drink himself to death. If youíve read the last installment, youíll understand why I mention that right a...
November 15, 2004
 
Mandy In Love (Portly Boy pt. 26) by Ray
I woke up feeling pretty good, which kind of freaked me out. Living a life such as mine, you can deal pretty well with...
November 14, 2004
 
Silent Night (Portly Boy pt. 25) by Ray
ďSoÖwhatís on your mind?Ē That was Arnie. Arnie canít stand silence. He canít even stand remote silence. Like, youí...
November 07, 2004
 
I DIDN'T VOTE!!! by Ray
NOTE TO READERS: I actually started writing this before I had seen Treyís bit about politics. I thought at first that ...
November 07, 2004
 
Hallmark Moment--Fat Style (Portly Boy pt. 24) by Ray
I woke up and didnít know where I was. This isnít anything new to me, and although it startles my brain a little bit e...
November 07, 2004
 
Good Morning by Ray
Itís three in the morning. I fell asleep around nine oíclock, on what would now technically be called last night. I s...
November 07, 2004
 
Kidnapped (Portly Boy pt. 23) by Ray
ďHave you ever been knocked unconscious by a pizza?Ē Questions like this, they shouldnít come up in conversation. If ...
November 02, 2004
 
Live Long and Prosper by Ray
Here we are again, you and I. All of us. Alone in the dark, no matter how much light you might have as you read this....
November 02, 2004
 
Up Arnie's Sleeve (Portly Boy pt. 22) by Ray
So there we are, about to die at the hands of Supa Gangsta. And Iím not kidding around, either. I know I give him a g...
October 26, 2004
 
What Up, Gangsta? (Portly Boy pt. 21) by Ray
Iím generally a pretty passive guy. This isnít so much because I like being passive, itís just that Iím one of the big...
October 26, 2004
 
Out Of the Frying Pan (Portly Boy pt. 20) by Ray
Itís weird how television and the movies de-sensitize you. I mean, you see something in the movies, you think it looks...
October 26, 2004
 
Desperate Night by Ray
It's midnight and I can't sleep. Well, I can, I suppose. I just don't want to. I feel like I should be doing somethi...
October 19, 2004
 
Staying Alive, ooh, ooh, ooh (Portly Boy pt. 19) by Ray
You remember when you were a kid? Did you ever wake up late for school, like maybe your mom forgot to set her alarm or...
October 15, 2004
 
Sea Bound by Ray
You sit on the couch, wondering where all of these people came from. Your eyes itch, and your cheeks are wet with tear...
October 12, 2004
 
Halloween Story by Ray
It was a pretty good time--if you like the feeling of your brain being date-raped. He opened the door, all smiles. W...
October 12, 2004
 
Or Is It Fish? by Ray
Not fish but the apocalypse. Sparky, the wonder whatever, his teeth flashing, none of us knew that a puppy could look s...
October 12, 2004
 
Austin Night by Ray
There is no reason for me to be up at this hour. Itís not that late, not if you think about how I used to go to work a...
October 12, 2004
 
October Fear (Halloween Special) by Ray
Welcome to the world of Midnight, where itís always after midnight. There is nothing left to hear, and there is...
October 12, 2004
 
Hangovers and Food Obsessions (Portly Boy pt. 18) by Ray
You can make a chicken pot pie in five minutes, toss it into the microwave and walk off, come back, dump it onto a paper...
October 12, 2004
 
Sucker-punched By the Green Fairy (Portly Boy pt. 17) by Ray
Absinthe. Websterís Dictionary defines it asÖwell, I donít know how Websterís defines it, if you want to know the truth...
October 12, 2004
 
I've Got the Power by Ray
Word up, ladies and gentlemen, freaks and geeks, children of all ages. I've finally gotten some internet here in Texas,...
October 12, 2004
 
A New Drink (Portly Boy pt. 16) by Ray
“There’s a message on the machine.” That was my alcoholic friend Arnie, and he sounded kind of worri...
September 09, 2004
 
A Villian Busted...For Real, This Time (Portly Boy pt. 15) by Ray
At first, I didn’t understand the pain. It was like someone was shoving a gun barrel into my forehead, just abov...
September 09, 2004
 
Not Quite Busted (Portly Boy pt. 14) by Ray
At first, I didn’t understand the pain. It was like someone was shoving a gun barrel into my temple, just in fro...
September 09, 2004
 
A Villian Busted (Portly Boy pt. 13) by Ray
“Are you okay?” Did you ever notice that when somebody’s asking you if you’re okay, you genera...
September 09, 2004
 
A late goodbye by Ray
I'm out of it, man, I admit it. I got down to Texas, out of the mainstream, and without a constant internet connection ...
September 09, 2004
 
Same Old Enemies (Portly Boy pt. 11) by Ray
You know that story about Hansel and Gretel? That part where they get caught by the witch and sheís like, ďNow Iím goi...
August 15, 2004
 
Life Issues (Portly Boy pt. 12) by Ray
It was all a big mistake, really. It was no Zippo that Jimmy Flicks had pulled out. If youíve ever owned a...
August 15, 2004
 
New Friends (Portly Boy pt. 9) by Ray
Surrounded by rowdy strip-club bouncers, my drunken sidekick the Drunkard passing out booze to the lot of them, and I w...
August 06, 2004
 
New Places (Portly Boy pt. 10) by Ray
ďWhat you doiní, man?Ē ďTrying to read this,Ē I said. The loud drunk voice next to my head was...
August 06, 2004
 
I Eat the Breakfast Club For...Well, Lunch by Ray
Hangin' out, drunk people roaming like some Native American tribe that doesn't understand the meaning of "straight line....
July 11, 2004
 
'Night by Ray
Casa de Strangelands has closed down for the night, what with the main administrator getting a real job and all (Trey h...
June 24, 2004
 
Staring At the Fallen by Ray
Drift closer to the never-ending song of the mad, weíll all fall before it ends, and it doesnít matter at all. We see ...
June 24, 2004
 
Slow Day Draggin by Ray
The day drags on, slower than any day has a right to be. There just isn't enough caffeine, there isn't enough sugar to ...
June 12, 2004
 
The Day Ends by Ray
Another done day. Corporate whore extrodinaire. Killing my soul one exchange at a time, welcome to the world of custom...
June 11, 2004
 
Did a Hero Just Use the F-Word? (Portly Boy pt. 8) by Ray
Do you ever get that feeling that the whole world hates you? Like Life itself is out to get you? I mean, do you ever ...
June 05, 2004
 
Spit On My Shroud and Laugh by Ray
We reach for the stars, man, only to get burned. But we all need a good burniní once in a while, right? When life wor...
June 05, 2004
 
Just Another Day in the Life (Portly Boy pt. 7) by Ray
ďI got you a present.Ē ďIs it a new liver?Ē Iím sitting in Arnieís living room, and I canít decide if I want to thro...
June 02, 2004
 
Tickle me, Belmo by Ray
I don't claim to know the key to life, not unless I've had way too much to drink or things are going really well for me....
May 12, 2004
 
First Time by Ray
At work, wasting time, got some chick yelling at me to get to work. I didn't know this section existed until a few days...
May 11, 2004
 
Aftermath of an Adventure (Portly Boy pt. 6) by Ray
The thing about victory is it just doesnít last long enough. If youíre an overweight balding guy dressed up in floresc...
May 07, 2004
 
Mad From the Heat, That's What She Is by Ray
I just read the new stuff by Hyde. It's like the chick has lost her mind talking about shedding bad habits. What the h...
May 05, 2004
 
Battle of a Hero (Portly Boy pt. 5) by Ray
What happened was, I got busted for mooning some chick in a park, right? She turned out to be an evil judge, and becau...
May 02, 2004
 
Welcome to May and All Her Minions by Ray
Happy May, everybody. Hope you're enjoying life, whether it's an overwhelming gift of happiness each and every day or ...
May 02, 2004
 
Closer To Crime-fighting (Portly Boy pt. 4) by Ray
You know the story about Bruce Wayne? Iíll run it down for you real quick, just in case you donít. Heís just a kid, h...
April 24, 2004
 
This Is Called Prelude by Ray
Hit me tight with a left hook and see if I smile. Heck, I never knew what was going on anyways. Let's lift the madne...
April 21, 2004
 
Take the World Tomorrow by Ray
ďIíve never been my own protagonist.Ē Thatís what he says as he slams down into the lawn chair that counts as furnitur...
April 21, 2004
 
Sour Dreams by Ray
When the sun comes up tomorrow, who will you be? Are you the same when the sun sets? Expressed everything and a pocke...
April 21, 2004
 
Maybe Next Time by Ray
I tried to write her a love poem, I tried to tell her How much I love her, How wonderful she is. How she make...
April 17, 2004
 
Spring Is In the Air by Ray
Wind bullying, Pushing, pulling, Tantrums of nature. Rain slapping, Harsh drops of animosity Filling the sky.
April 17, 2004
 
Good, Grief by Ray
Splicing minutes, Whispering across time In leather boots And a top hat. Be careful what you sing. Fingerprin...
April 17, 2004
 
A Day In Love by Ray
Moving in the Dark, Cool breeze from somewhere, As silent as space, Darkness Complete. Running in tandem, ...
April 17, 2004
 
The Almost-Dawn of a Sidekick (Portly Boy pt. 3) by Ray
ďI think itís exciting.Ē ďThatís why youíre an idiot.Ē That first person, that was Arnie, internet porn king, alc...
April 17, 2004
 
I Gotcher # by Ray
Blah blah blah. Yep, that about covers it. Pick a card, any card. Ask me a question, any question. The card ...
April 17, 2004
 
And So It Begins (Portly Boy pt. 2) by Ray
After a night of drinking, a morning in jail, and a moment of terror, I was sentenced by a rather bitter judge to serve...
March 28, 2004
 
Dawn of a Hero (Portly Boy pt. 1) by Ray
The sound of the gavel slamming down was as cold as a winter wind. No, it was colder than that. I mean, sure, winter ...
March 27, 2004
 
Today by Ray
Twirling mist And the trash on the street, Not smelling as bad as usual. Cool wind blowing On my che...
February 20, 2004
 
Lazy Afternoon by Ray
Drawing rainbows with the moonlight, Skating on the rim of a paper cup Filled with cold coffee. Watch me...
February 20, 2004
 
Work by Ray
Walking up to the door of McDonalds, Youíre assaulted with the Bum-piss smell That is Nature in ...
February 20, 2004
 
Feel Better by Ray
Sweet Princess, Sweating, Burning in your sleep, Soft moans of pain, And in your dreams you hurt.<...
February 06, 2004
 
Going To Work by Ray
Orange night sky, Waiting for me. Searching for me As I shoot through the underground. The train stops, ...
February 06, 2004
 
No Need by Ray
Having one of those happy-to-be-alive days. The kind of day thatís great for no reason, But always in the back of you...
February 06, 2004